Ahead of the Game: Keegan Out To Finish Job

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, January 17, 2008. 1600 GMT
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The news in 60 seconds

KEEGAN OUT TO FINISH JOB
Of all the days to send the pesky e-mail on time, AOTG chose yesterday. We won't be doing that again, trust us. Still, the return of King Kev at 4.17pm yesterday may have taken us by surprise, but there's nothing shocking about what Keegan has said today: he's pledged to bring back the glory days. Admittedly, you wouldn't believe it if it was a plotline in Echo Beach, but we're all for it ... and it'll be a damn sight more entertaining than anything Jason Donovan and Martine McCutcheon can manage.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/newcastle/article3203399.ece

LONG LIVE THE KING!
The great and the good from the Keegan era have been queueing up to laud the new Newcastle manager. That's right: David Ginola, Peter Beardsley, Nicolas Anelka ... and Steve Howey have all been giving their verdict on the biggest comeback since the Spice Girls.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/newcastle/article3205447.ece

BUT PREPARE FOR A BUMPY RIDE
"OK, it could all end in tears again. That's Newcastle for you, that's the way it is on Tyneside. Either way, it will be emotional. Keegan wears his heart on his sleeve like few others. But even if it turns out to be another rollercoaster, it will be a great ride." Tony Cascarino on the return of Kegs.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/newcastle/article3199692.ece

DRUNK ON SUCCESS
If nothing else, Keegan has already done wonders for the sale of Newcastle Brown Ale. The fans were out in force last night and the bars and businesses in the North East are just as excited about the return of the prodigal son.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/newcastle/article3200861.ece

DIARRA WANTS TO LEAVE. ALREADY
"Good morning. Hi. My name's Lassana Diarra. I'll be your new signing at Portsmouth. Just to let you know, I won't be here for very long because I don't rate this club and I'm too good for you. Still, I hope you take me to your hearts." That's not word for word, but it's pretty much how the former Arsenal and Chelsea bit-part player greeted his transfer to Portsmouth. Is he the first person to use his opening press conference to put in a transfer request?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/portsmouth/article3204079.ece

TAYLOR JOINS BOLTON
If 'Arry is so short of players, how comes he can afford to let Matthew Taylor go? The left-sided player has signed a three-and-a-half year deal with Bolton Wanderers. "He has attracted interest from a number of clubs and I am delighted that we have managed to bring him to the Reebok Stadium," The Ginger Mourinho said.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/bolton/article3204916.ece

McFADDEN FEE AGREED
Life just isn't fair. One minute James McFadden is scoring sensational individual goals to take Scotland to the brink of Euro 2008 qualification, the next he'll be lining up at St Andrews in a relegation dogfight. Birmingham City have agreed a fee for the Everton forward, who has started only five league matches this season.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article3205580.ece

HAVANT WE DONE WELL
Havant & Waterlooville could earn about £800,000 from their FA Cup fourth-round tie with Liverpool. The Blue Square South club are all set for the massive payday after beating Swansea City last night, which on any other day would have counted as a big shock.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/liverpool/article3205479.ece

SAHA'S DEBT TO FERGIE
Louis Saha, who [AOTG puts in a quick check call to Old Trafford to make sure nothing has changed] is still fit after injury, has thanked Sir Alex Ferguson for keeping faith in him. "I'm definitely getting there," Saha said proudly. "I played two full games in a row over Christmas and that was the first time I'd done that for a while."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_united/article3205314.ece

UNITED MOVE FOR BRAZILIAN TWINS
Manchester United are close to signing Brazil's answer to the Neville brothers, although Fabio and Rafael Silva are meant to be able to play a bit as well. The 17-year-old identical twins are scheduled to arrive in Manchester on Monday as part of a £5.2 million deal from Fluminense.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_united/article3200669.ece

CHELSEA FINED £40,000
Roman Abramovich will be rummaging around his sock draw for some lose change again after Chelsea were fined £40,000 for the fracas at Derby County that followed Michael Essien's sending off. As you read this, John Terry will no doubt be rousing the troops to swarm around Soho Square in protest.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article3204561.ece

LAURSEN SIGNS ON
Martin Laursen has signed a new contract at Aston Villa that will keep him at the club until 2010. "It is not a secret that I really like it here at Villa. I have been saying all along that I would like to stay at Villa and I am glad this has all been agreed," the defender said, boringly.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/aston_villa/article3204192.ece

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you've got another couple of minutes

THE CIRCUS HAS COME TO TOWN
News that King Kev has packed his bags and said goodbye to the Soccer Circus - "the world's first ever fully interactive football attraction!" - has been met with the hoots of derision and incredulity normally reserved for a children's entertainer in red braces, wearing a funny wig and big shoes (or Leslie Ash's £5 million payout, but that's a different issue).
Nonetheless, we at AOTG are open to innovative ideas. That's why we've asked our old friend Coco to take off his red nose, put down his balloons and examine how life as a top-class circus performer may have prepared Keegan for one of the biggest jobs in football.
Coco has looked at five crucial disciplines for the modern clown, all of which he believes will help the Newcastle manager come to terms with the demands of his new job. (And this isn't just a cheap excuse to make a gag about how Keegan's old perm looked like a clown's wig.)

High wire act - the Newcastle job is a high-risk proposition, right up there with standing 30 feet above the ground on a thread as thin as Keegan's skin with a load of screaming children watching. But the Geordie legend has had previous of falling from great heights and has shown more bouncebackability than a rubber ball. After years struggling to keep his balance as the England manager, Keegan was brought to earth with a bump - but he got back up again. The high-wire act should also have taught him how to balance great expectations.
Sword swallowing - Keegan has plenty of unpalatable realities to stomach at a club at the sharp end, but anyone who can take five feet of steel to the hilt should be able to handle this. Judging by the way he swallowed his pride to admit he wasn't up to the England job, he already has it in him to handle the indigestible. Let's just hope he's got over the habit of choking, because that could be really painful.
Lion taming - Alan Shearer's mane may have receded the way of his job chances, but the former Newcastle No 9 still has a fierce roar. Keegan will know from his training in the Big Top that it's best to feed the cat a few tasty morsels before going out in front of a live audience with nothing but a dining chair to protect you. A post as an assistant coach - carrying out cones - should help keep his hunger at bay and his paws off the top job.
Snake charmer - Keegan may need to call on all his old magic if he is to get the best out of Michael Owen. It's a bit harsh to compare the whiter-than-white England forward with a reptile, but the only venom in Owen's autobiography was reserved for Keegan, who he said had "scarred" him. Keegan may discover that it's hard to shed an old skin.
Fire-breathing - little more than a party trick for a man who fans the flames of the Geordie nation. Should help him cauterise the wounds of previous regimes and breathe some life into underperforming stars such as Mark Viduka. Either that or he'll just go down in flames.

Coco is available for children's parties and small family gatherings at a cost of £35.

Which circus trick do you think will have most prepared Keegan for his return to the Tyne? Send your suggestions to sport@timesonline.co.uk

MIKE ASHLEY - BONKERS OR A CANNY LAD?
It's either the most inspired decision since Portsmouth decided to reappoint 'Arry Redknapp or it's more certain to end in tears than a night out with Britney Spears. AOTG has its suspicions, but we'll leave you to decide. Is Mike Ashley completely mad? Or not?
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2008/01/poll-are-newcas.html

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
M1 kip is ref's fault, says ace - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) A sizzled soccer star who parked in the middle of the M1 and fell asleep blamed a REFEREE yesterday. 2) Rob Malcolm, 27, on loan to QPR at the time, had played in a defeat by Plymouth the day before and said: "I was very upset and frustrated with the poor performance of the referee." 3) Malcolm appeared before Chesterfield JPs accused of being more than twice the drink-drive limit. He was bailed until later this month.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A quickie before you go, sir?

THE GREAT ENTERTAINERS
This is no time for cold-hearted reasoning (or defending) in this section. Let's just celebrate the good ol' days when goals were splashed about at St James' Park as liberally as Kristal champagne at a Manchester United Christmas party. All hail King Kev. Let the party commence.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2008/01/thats-entertain.html

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
863
Estimated number of articles in today's newspapers about "The Messiah" that included the phrase: "I'd love it..."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In TheGame

Back in the 1970s, when people still listened to the wireless, TVs were black and white, bell bottoms were in fashion and players sported stylish perms, Tony Evans used to wait outside Liverpool's training ground like a teenage stalker in the hope of getting autographs. He once got Kevin Keegan's signature - as well as a Freudian insight into one man's desperate need to be loved.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2008/01/keegan-high-wir.html
Our hard-nosed, pragmatic, credible Newcastle man - Gareth Harrison - has left the building. Instead, he's been replaced by a naïve, enthusiastic scamp of a fan for today's post in Fanzine Fanzone . That's what the return of King Kev does to Geordies.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/2008/01/back-to-the-fut.html
Martin Samuel replies to your comments in TheGame Debate after he questioned the recent spate of studs-up challenges from foreign players - and wonders whether the Premier League simply brings out the worst in them.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2008/01/the-debate-ma-1.html
Walter Gammie , our non-League expert, joins Braintree Town as they travel the length and breadth of the country for a second round FA Trophy match.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2008/01/mammoth-trip-pr.html

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Tyneside celebrates as Keegan leaves his circus for Newcastle - The Independent
* Keegan anointed as Newcastle's saviour - The Guardian
* The third coming: 11 years after he quit, Keegan roars back to Tyneside - Daily Express
* They love it! ... and the new Toon boss says: 'It's great to be back' - Daily Mail
* 'I'm home' ... the restoration of 'King Kev' - The Daily Telegraph
* God on the Tyne ... Kev back after 4,025 days - The Sun
* God on the Tyne ... Keegan's stunning return lights up the Toon - Daily Mirror
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The transfer wrap

Jermain Defoe, the Tottenham Hotspur striker, has held talks with Martin O'Neill, the Aston Villa manager, about a move to the Midlands club.
The unsettled Defoe, who has been told by Juande Ramos, the Tottenham manager, that he can leave White Hart Lane, is reported to have spoken with O'Neill at Villa's Bodymoor Heath training ground yesterday. O'Neill has been a long time admirer of the £10 million-rated England striker and was linked with signing him during the summer. (PA)
Portsmouth have been told they can sign Defoe on a permanent deal only and that there is no chance of a loan. (The Independent )
Tottenham are closing in on Lyons striker Fred but have had no takers for Darren Bent, whom they are prepared to sell at a loss, despite having signed him only last summer. (Independent )
Tottenham's attempt to sign Daniel Jarque from Espanyol is being delayed by the defender's toe injury. (Daily Express )
Chelsea will demand Barcelona's Lionel Messi or AC Milan's Kaka if they want to sign Didier Drogba in the summer. (Daily Mirror )
Bolton Wanderers could make a surprise move for Aston Villa defender Olof Mellberg with the proceeds from Nicolas Anelka's switch to Chelsea. (Daily Mirror )
Fulham will make Eddie Johnson, the Kansas City Wizards striker, the club's fifth American signing (The Sun ).
Darren Fletcher, the Manchester United midfielder, has admitted he may have to leave Old Trafford in search of first-team football. (Daily Mirror )
Alex McLeish, the Birmingham City manager, is keen to snap up Huddersfield Town goalkeeper Matt Glennon after he helped knock them out of the FA Cup third round. (Daily Mirror )
Real Madrid have warned Manchester United they will "just have to keep working" on their bid to sign Cristiano Ronaldo. (The Sun )

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

Last night's FA Cup action meant that West Brom's 2 leading strikers have a-goal-a-game strike-rate: Kevin Phillips with 16 goals in 16 starts and Roman Bednar with 9 goals in 9 starts. Whilst this may happen on rare occasions in the early weeks of a season, it must be a very long time since a team playing at this level had this kind of double ratio halfway through January, and Super Kev missed 6 weeks through injury.
The Blonde , who surely should be off having fun.

So Capello (allegedly) has a dodgy tax history ...
But Capello says not and the rest of what Matt from London wrote was of dubious taste, so we smiled, sighed and held our finger on delete. Sorry.

Sometimes you just say it better than we do, which is why we've dedicated a corner of this e-mail to your views and boos: sport@timesonline.co.uk

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow's news today

- Glenn Hoddle talks exclusively to Matthew Syed
- Meet the backroom boys - the men tasked with adding substance to Keegan's style
- "Most of all, it's about enjoyment." Who is Kevin kidding? Simon Barnes gives his take on the St James' Park folly

And expect...

AOTG to be deliberately late. Just in case a big story breaks at 4.17pm. Shortly after we press send, Keegan to storm out of St James' Park in a huff, claiming he's not up to the job, leaving us scratching our heads wondering why we bother. Or something like that.

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling, but without the hassle or the money. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/tools_and_services/subscriptions/e-mail_bulletins/

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you no longer wish to receive the Ahead of the Game Bulletin, please click here to unsubscribe. If you wish to speak to a Customer Services Repesentative, please call 020 7860 1133.

You have received this e-mail from a member of the News International Group. News International Limited, 1 Virginia Street, London E98 1XY, is the holding company for the News International Group and is registered in England No 81701. VAT number GB 243 8054 69.

Times Newspapers Ltd is a member of the Direct Marketing Association and registered under the Data Protection Act 1998. To see our privacy policy, click here.