Ahead of the Game: Ronaldo Shortlisted

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

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Friday, November 30, 2007. 1600 GMT
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The news in 60 seconds

RONALDO SHORTLISTED
Cristiano Ronaldo has made it through to the "final" of the Fifa player of the year award, along with Lionel Messi and Kaka. Everyone already knows that the Brazil playmaker has beaten Ronaldo to the European gong (which will be officially announced on Sunday) and Kaka is also favourite to scoop the world category.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_united/article2978132.ece

FERGUSON TO CHOOSE ENGLAND BOSS
As if we don't have enough problems already. Sir Alex Ferguson, who famously taunts his England players when they lose on international duty, wants to help the FA choose the next manager. Didn't Fergie also say that Steve McClaren should have been given more time? And we still trust him?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/euro_2008/article2977607.ece

MOYES SCOTCHES SCOTLAND TALK
David Moyes, the Everton manager, has said he would like to manage Scotland one day - but when he is "a little bit older and experienced and has made all the money he ever needs to". The Everton manager didn't say the last bit, obviously, because he didn't need to.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/everton/article2977724.ece

SVEN WANTS CROUCH
Thaksin Shinawatra has admitted that Manchester City love rat Sven-Goran Eriksson is interested in making Peter Crouch the latest notch on his bed post. "Sven does like Peter Crouch, very much. But he has yet to decide [whether to make an offer]," Thaksin said. You see, it's not even a tall story (boom, boom). http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_city/article2975872.ece

KEANE'S 'FLASHBACKS'
Roy Keane has confirmed what AOTG has always suspected: that he's a bit mental. The Sunderland manager has admitted to being haunted by flashbacks from his career. Is it mean to suggest that Alf Inge Haaland probably has the same problem, only for different reasons?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/sunderland/article2977936.ece

SMITH'S RALLYING CRY
Alan Smith - is he a Newcastle forward or midfielder now? Like Big Sam, we've given up trying to work it out - is doing what he does best: making a lot of noise to little effect. He's issued a rallying cry to his team-mates saying they've got to stand up, get stuck in and all that before their match against Blackburn.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/newcastle/article2978060.ece

McLEISH UNLEASHED
This is more like it: if you want to motivate your players, put their jobs on the line. Alex Mc£eish, Birmingham City's new manager, has told his players they've got precisely one month to impress him before the transfer window opens - and if they don't he'll throw them through it.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/birmingham/article2977954.ece

SOUTHGATE ON EDGE
Gareth Southgate admits that even the most supportive chairman in the Premier League may run out of patience. The Middlesbrough manager said: "I think there are 12 teams now whose managers were appointed after me, and I have only been in the job for 16, 17 months. It's the nature of the job, seemingly."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/middlesbrough/article2978500.ece

COLE LOOKS TO EX FACTOR
Carlton Cole wants to show one of his (many) old clubs what they are missing when he plays against Chelsea for the first time tomorrow. The West Ham United forward, whose four league goals for the clubs equals his best haul for any of his five previous employers, could start alongside Dean Ashton. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/west_ham/article2975597.ece

PETIT'S SMALL TALK
Emmanuel Petit, who has been out of the game and the spotlight for several years, has discovered that the best way to get some media work is to say something controversial. He has criticised John Terry and Ashley Cole for missing England's match with injury, only to turn out for Chelsea three days later. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2975173.ece

BRIDGE OF SIGHS
Wayne Bridge is ready to burn his bridges, so to speak, with Chelsea. Matt Hughes says the left back has got the hump after being overlooked in favour of Ashley Cole because of that shocker against Croatia (at least someone is being punished for it). Anyway, the real irony is that he is expected to attract more interest than Sheva Don't Chase, who is also fed up.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2971496.ece

'ARRY'S ENGLAND DREAM
Portsmouth manager 'Arry Redknapp fears his hopes of landing the England job are in tatters after he was arrested as part of investigations into corruption. Still, if that doesn't work out, there's always the comedy circuit. Bemoaning the fact the police had dragged his name into the investigation, he said: "I told the players about the agent and that allegedly he had paid some of his agent's fee to the player. All of them wanted his number."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/portsmouth/article2971524.ece

SIMON BARNES FIDDLES HIS EXPENSES!
Don't worry, AOTG isn't selling one of its more esteemed colleagues down the river. Simon Barnes has admitted to blagging the odd meal and a bit of extra travel in his early days as a cub reporter: everyone did it, so it was all right. More importantly, Barnes says the newspapers have got it wrong: no one really cares about a couple of bob here and there - not compared to whether their team wins.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/columnists/simon_barnes/article2971510.ece

THE SOUL OF CHELSEA
And you thought Chelsea have got no history. Giles Smith on the soul - yes, apparently they have one of those, too - of Chelsea in 50 moments, including the day Boy George came to the Shed, Willy "Morbidly Obese" Foulke, Dennis Wise clambering up the Wembley steps with his baby, Father Christmas and an episode of Minder.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2967989.ece

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>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame - because it's free so you won't even have to diddle your expenses
* It's free and you can still enter
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
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If you've got another couple of minutes

UGLY TRUTH ABOUT PRETTY ARSENAL
AOTG doesn't want to take the gloss off Arsenal's sparkling start to the season - Seville did that perfectly well on their own, thank you - but while the media have been tripping over themselves like Wayne Bridge on international duty in their rush to praise the Gunners, the statistics suggest we may have been a little hasty.
Indeed, tomorrow's match against Aston Villa - the first of three consecutive away games - should help determine whether they really are going to be The Best Team In The History Of The World Ever or just The Best Looking Team In Recent History Who Struggle When It Gets A Bit Physical.
Regular skim-readers will realise that AOTG's grasp on big numbers is right up there with the Chancellor and the chairman of Northern Rock, but try to bear with us through this blizzard of statistics. After all, we've gone to the trouble of dusting off our broken abacus again, so it's the least you can do.
Arsenal may be top of the league, but they've played eight of their 13 matches at home and only five away. At home they have won seven and drawn one, while away they have won three and drawn two (against Liverpool and Blackburn). Not too bad, but in terms of evidence that they have toughened up it's no more conclusive than the fact that Cesc Fabregas hacked down Tomas Repka or stopped wearing gloves.
Even last season - the "transitional" one when they finished fourth, some 21 points behind the champions - they had a solid record at the Emirates Stadium, losing only one match. Admittedly, they drew too many (six) but their record stood comparison with the top four - only Chelsea lost fewer home matches.
Their problems were on the road, where teams wouldn't let them stroll around unchallenged exchanging pretty passes before walking the ball into an empty net. They won only seven, drew five and lost a shameful seven. In that period they scored only 20 goals on their travels (for a goal difference of plus one) compared to 43 at home (goal difference plus 17). Manchester United scored 46 at home and 37 away, to give a feel for the yawning statistical gap.
So while you may be bored by all those numbers - you may even be propping yourself up on your elbows as you find yourself drifting off - you'll see that Arsenal need to prove they can hack it away from home. We already knew they could turn it on at the Emirates. And with Fabregas possibly out tomorrow, Martin O'Neill's team - packed with the type of 6 footers who will scare Wenger as much as they will scare off an FA board that is looking for a manager who plays the beautiful game - could be the perfect test. And if they aren't, successive matches away to Newcastle and Middlesbrough will be.

WAIT FOR IT...
AOTG wants to make the recruitment process for the England job as authentic as possible. So rather than acting decisively after you sent in your proposed questions for the next England manager, we're going to drag it out over the weekend while we tuck into a nice bottle of red over dinner with a bunch of old chums from school (while prospective candidates find something more interesting to do). Admittedly, we're not going to make you wait six months before choosing a winner - just until Monday - but in the time-honoured tradition of FA prevarication we will drop a few hints and leak a few stories about the contenders. Such as the fact that Roger won't be winning, even though his message was very funny ...
We've printed a selection of your questions on the bottom of this e-mail and also set up a blog (http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/have-your-say-o.html) for anyone to post their comments. Alternatively, e-mail: sport@timesonline.co.uk
Thanks for all your comments so far.

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>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
ON ME 'EAD ... ER, NOSE - Daily Mirror
What you need to know: 1) David Beckham has been pictured going nose to nose with a pretty woman. 2) We think it's a woman anyway - it's hard to tell with all the tattoos and make-up - but it's not what Posh probably thinks it is. 3) It's a traditional Maori greeting and Becks has just been showing he "nose" the local customs on LA Galaxy's tour to New Zealand. 4) Beckham, who was also treated to a dance by a spear-wielding warrior, said: "It's nice to be given a welcome like that." Thanks, David.
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A quickie before you go, sir?

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES
Like the impartial commentator he is, Charlie Nicholas jumps up and down like a loon to celebrate Celtic's winner against Shakhtar Donetsk. Ian Wright, Wright, Wright eat your heart, heart, heart out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GT2QXDTGK5Y

DROGBA'S COLD FRONT
Didier Drogba's cheeky celebration after scoring for Chelsea against Rosenborg on Wednesday. You can hear his teeth chattering from here as he shudders in the cold after opening the scoring.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNrqjlG_Ri0

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60.5
Arsene Wenger on being handed a touchline ban: "I was surprised that I was sent off for what I said. If the speed limit is 60mph, sometimes you're not caught when you drive 70 and sometimes you're caught when you drive 61. I drove sixty and a half."
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In TheGame

Sir Trevor Brooking faces some tough questions from Martin Samuel and a 10-year-old in our series on The Lost Generation. The director of technical development admits he is struggling to find the right answers - so imagine if Samuel had brought a teenager with him.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2971538.ece
Tony Cascarino , football's first agony aunt, has been answering your queries, such as how to head the ball, referee a match in safety and cope with pre-match stress.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/footballs-first.html
Listen to 'Arry talk candidly about everything from Joe Cole to the England manager's job as he invites TheGame Podcast into his South Coast home.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/audio_video/podcasts/thegame/article2923970.ece
Gabriele Marcotti on the world's top 50 players. Believe it or not, there's actually an Englishman in the top ten.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/columnists/gabriele_marcotti/article1963015.ece

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>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* He can do it: Sir Geoff and Sven join Jose fan club - The Sun
* Rafa wins: Hicks ready to sell his stake in Anfield - Daily Mirror
* Barwick's Boot room: the world-class team who will select the England manager - The Daily Telegraph
* No chance: fuming Redknapp blames police raid for shattering England dream - Daily Mail
* Mourinho invites FA 'to make concrete England offer' - The Independent
* Redknapp sees his England hopes shattered - The Guardian
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Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

We asked what questions you think the FA should ask the next England manager. Here are some of your suggestions:

Here's my question for the FA to ask applicants for the post of England manager:
You schedule a daily press conference for 4pm sharp. What time does it actually take place? A) 4pm. B) 4.30pm. C) Any time you bloody well feel like it.
OK - like I was saying, I love your work really: well done for allowing the (occasional) lateness of your email become a running theme; and not suppressing any (light-hearted) criticism like a communist junta.
Nice. It's a fair cop, Roger , and thanks for cutting us some slack.

1) How's your love life?
2) What's your opinion on reincarnation?
3) Who's your agent?
4) How do you feel about stuffed brown paper envelopes?
5) Do you resemble any vegetables - excluding the FA, of course?
6) Do you keep up with the gossip columns?
7) Who's your accountant?
8) What's your favourite supercar?
And there was one more...let me think, it'll come soon...oh yeah?
9) Do you know anything about football?
BOBNESSUK

Dear applicant for the England job,
What role do you envisage Joe Cole operating in for England? A) The continued square peg in a round hole on the left of midfield B) The Andrea Pirlo role behind the striker in a truly creative position.
Yours sin ...blah blah
Gavin McCusker

Some questions they should not ask:
You are English, aren't you?
Have you ever been arrested?
Do you have a figure in mind, Mr Mourinho?
Steven Ives

And the rest...

Vaughan, you reckon you've got problems in Cornwall. I'm in East Kent and have been up all night waiting (not for my sexual relations to turn up..circa 1977) but for AOTG to hit the inbox. It finally got here just ahead of the milkman at 7.09am Friday! Now, being a West Ham supporter I am used to things being late ... like strikers arriving in the box, defenders getting back or even the players realising the season has started ( mid-March last season I think!) but this is getting ridiculous. My other half is convinced I am sitting downstairs watching satellite channels of dubious taste to avoid me having to do just that, can we get it just a tad sooner, please? AOTG? Ahead of which game, exactly, the FA Cup Final?!
AOTG sees itself as the Carlton Cole of the modern media world, if that's any consolation for Peter Arnold. Underperforming, erratic and as you rightly say, we arrive in your inbox a little too late to be of any use.

Thanks for sending the email earlier today - muchly appreciated - I got to read it before I left work so didn't have to wait until the morning.
Vicki - you wouldn't believe it, but we do actually try. Thanks for the support and we're glad your team came through for you last night.

You have made me change my mind about Maureen [yesterday's AOTG], I thought he was the right choice [for the England job] but, yes, the rest of eternity with his smugness may be a little too much to bear.
He didn't attach a name, but we're glad someone agrees...

Nice one AOTG - "Always look at the bright side of strife" - but can you please clarify one thing for me. A "Sky-less" friend of mine - God bless him, he doesn't have to cope up with Andy Gray & Martin Tyler's anti-Chelsea rants/ bias every week, unlike this Blues-faithful - informed me that he has not seen 'Arry Redknapp on Match of the Day for a while. It's always Tony Adams who does the post-match interviews with the BBC for Portsmouth FC, isn't it? Why is that so? Oh, and by the way, your coverage about the Blues, Lamps & The Special One are shocking as well - is there a code for News International journalists to hold an anti-Chelsea bias?
Thanks for the message. In response to Aranya Syed's questions: Redknapp was also furious at the same Panorama documentary that annoyed Big Sam - see this link for more info: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/5367852.stm - after it alleged he had tried to "tap up" Andy Todd. It was also a hollow accusation. Interestingly, Redknapp agreed to take one question from the floor at his press conference yesterday but abandoned the plan when the first question came from a BBC reporter whose first word was Panorama...
Secondly, AOTG can't speak for anyone else - but would have to disagree that we are biased: we're generally anti-everyone.

Send your comments to: sport@timesonline.co.uk

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Tomorrow's news today

- Hicks distances himself from share sale rumour
- Crouch on life under Benitez
- The Fink Tank reports from the football laboratory

And expect...

AOTG to buy a big golf umbrella to protect itself from recent criticism...

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Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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Ahead of the Game: Redknapp Riled

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

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Thursday, November 29, 2007. 1600 GMT
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The news in 60 seconds

REDKNAPP RILED BY ARREST
'Arry Redknapp has denied any wrongdoing after he was arrested in connection with an investigation into false accounting. The Portsmouth manager, speaking at a press conference today, is upset about the way the arrest was carried out and wants to know why the police turned up at his house with photographers from a well-known newspaper. Valid question.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/portsmouth/article2967936.ece

'FULL SUPPORT' FROM MANDARIC
Milan Mandaric has promised to give the police his "full support" after being arrested as part of the investigation into corruption. A spokesman for the former Portsmouth chairman, who is now chairman of Leicester City, said: "Mr Mandaric will continue to offer his full and total support to the police and will refrain from making any further public statement."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2966454.ece

CHEEKY BENITEZ
Rafa Benitez just can't help himself. After last night's victory over Porto the Liverpool manager took the chance to put the squeeze on the club's American owners. After the familiar "coaching and training" refrain, he said: "Maybe my English is not that good, maybe that was the problem. But it is clear we have to understand the situation and talk to each other." He wants to splash some cash.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/liverpool/article2969132.ece

IN RAFA WE TRUST
The Bearded One has got a fan in Martin Samuel. The talk before last night's match was about the cost of failure, but our Chief Football Correspondent says Liverpool's victory instead showed the value of investment. Fernando Torres demonstrated what Benitez can do with money to spend - and Samuel says the Americans should get behind him.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/liverpool/article2963746.ece

DROGBA ON HOT STREAK
AOTG very nearly warmed to Didier Drogba as we saw his chilly celebration for Chelsea last night. The Ivory Coast striker was at his dominant best as Avram Grant's team bullied Rosenborg to ensure they will qualify top of group B.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2964173.ece

OWEN ON MEND
Big Sam is expecting an early Christmas present (ahem) after it was revealed that St Michael of Owen could be back in about two weeks. Allardyce has also criticised the quickfire sacking of Billy Davies, no doubt with one eye on his own precarious position at Newcastle United.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/newcastle/article2969178.ece

ERIKSSON'S WISH LIST
Sven-Goran Eriksson has handed Thaksin Shinawatra a dossier of players as comprehensive as his little black book. The Manchester City manager says that he expects to whittle down the names in time for the transfer window - and is delighted to report that the club's owner is happy to blow some baht. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_city/article2966931.ece

BACK TO BLACK
Image-conscious Steve Bruce has made his first signing at Wigan Athletic after confirming that Eric Black will join him at the JJB Stadium. "The most important person is your right-hand man," Bruce said.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/wigan/article2969359.ece

FEELING FOR MIDO
Middlesbrough's Mark Schwarzer has been ruled out for up to three weeks after breaking a thumb - but spare your sympathy for Mido who will be out until the New Year. The striker has a stress reaction in the pubic bone, a condition that sounds very painful indeed.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/middlesbrough/article2968861.ece

DEFOE IN THE COLD?
Juande Ramos says that Jermain Defoe's contract wrangle will not affect whether he picks the Tottenham Hotspur forward. "If he is in form and playing well he will continue playing," the manager said. "Sport and contracts are two different matters." Sadly, Defoe has a sniffle and won't play this evening.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/tottenham/article2966982.ece

BECKHAM 'A SUCCESS'
Occasional free-kick taker David Beckham's first season at LA Galaxy has been an awesome success, according to the man whose job it is to promote his transatlantic money-making scheme. Don Garber, the MLS commissioner, said that Beckham "is just an incredible marketing machine", which would probably make a fitting epitaph.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/us_sport/article2966729.ece

UEFA CUP PREVIEWS
Good news for Tottenham Hotspur fans after Younes Kaboul (groin) was ruled out with injury before tonight's match against Aalborg. For Bolton Wanderers, Stelios Giannakopoulos will get a rare chance to impress against Aris Salonica. For full team news, click here.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/european_football/article2947345.ece

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>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame, and we guarantee not to doorstep you with a load of snappers
* It's free and you can still enter
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
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If you've got another couple of minutes

ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF STRIFE
Being asked to find something positive to write about the latest corruption scandal without getting sued is the hardest task AOTG has been given since it was told to list three reasons why Derby County can avoid relegation (how about: Sunderland, Wigan and Middlesbrough?).
We thought about doing a piece comparing 'Arry's to-the-point press conference with Mr Bean's bumbling efforts in Prime Minister's Questions yesterday, but we couldn't find anything positive about the fact that the Portsmouth wheeler-dealer was more credible than the man running the country - particularly after he (Redknapp, not the PM thankfully) admitted that he'd had a computer for two years and only worked out how to use it two months ago.
Anyway, here's what we've come up with. After a Panorama documentary in 2006 that implicated Big Sam and his son Craig in bung allegations (that were never proven and have been fiercely denied), Sam Allardyce threatened to sue and has not spoken to the BBC since.
In 2004, a BBC documentary called Father and Son , portrayed Sir Alex Ferguson's agent son, Jason, as someone who exploited his father's influence to his own ends in the transfer market. Jason was never found guilty of any wrongdoing and Sir Alex said he would never speak to the BBC again.
So after this latest round of arrests (that have also come to nothing, been fiercely denied and do not directly implicate Redknapp) can we hope that Jamie Redknapp will promise never to talk to the media again, too?

SEND IN YOUR QUESTIONS FOR THE FA
Has anyone else noticed how the FA board always tucks into the big issues over a meal? After arranging a breakfast meeting to discuss the future of Steve McClaren - presumably so they could settle their stomachs before digesting an unpalatable reality - they arranged their monthly meeting to coincide with lunchtime at Soho Square today. Now, AOTG likes its food as much as the next chief executive - and we recognise that Brian Barwick probably takes a bit of feeding - but surely the FA has got more important questions to deal with than whether the big man should go back for secondses.
With Jose Mourinho (see A quickie before you go, sir?) looking more interested in courting a bit of attention than a serious job offer and every worthy candidate shaking his head with disdain, they need to start working on their interview process.
So after your recent (and commendable) successes in coming up with succinct descriptions for McClaren's tenure, we thought we would call on you to help us. We want to know what questions you would ask a potential England manager.
Like the job itself, there's nothing to play for - at least until 2010 - but we still want your applications. Here are a couple of our (weak) suggestions to get the ball rolling. We've gone for multiple choice, to make it easier for the applicants, but feel free to use any format you like.

1. Where do you see yourself in five years' time? A) In Poland and Ukraine preparing for the European Championship B) Sitting on a beach after accepting a fat cheque from the FA as your reward for failing to qualify from an easy group C) Working as a PE teacher in Teesside.
2. Do you think Stevie Gerrard and Frank Lampard can play together? A) No B) Never C) Absolutely not
3. When should an umbrella be used? A) On a golf course in February, but only when it's raining so hard your nose starts to run B) When performing in a sultry video with Rihanna C)
To keep your hair dry while your team are getting gubbed in a crucial qualifying match.

Send your suggestions (including any serious ones) to: sport@timesonline.co.uk

A COMPETITION (WITH AN ACTUAL PRIZE)
If you can answer a question - and trust us, it's not hard, particularly if you can find soccerbase.com - you can win exclusive, behind-the-scenes access to Manchester United. Times Online has teamed up with Lucozade Sport to give ten readers the chance to win a day out with the club in January. The day includes a trip to Old Trafford before going on to Carrington to watch the players in training. After lunch, you'll be put through your paces by taking part in your own Manchester United Soccer Schools training session. http://timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/commercial/football_predictor/article2931134.ece

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>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
YOU SACK 'ER .. SHE WANTS A SMACKER - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) OK, it doesn't involve City of London bobbies, police raids or a famous manager - but Gemma Atkinson has said she is looking forward to a kiss and a cuddle with Marcus Bent after being booted out of I'm A Non-Entity. 2) The ex-Hollyoaks actress - who until recently used to date Cristiano Ronaldo - didn't have to wait long before tackling another footballer. 3) And although it's normally Bent who worries about his first touch, Atkinson is worried about hers. She says she's forgotten how to kiss after being out of action for so long. 4) They'll make a fine couple - Bent is used to going months on end without scoring. 5) Anyway, we have to mention that a spokesman at Wigan said Marcus didn't want to comment. Referring to the show, he said: "He's been blanking it completely." At least we think the spokesman was talking about the show - that or Bent's other scoring ratio.
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A quickie before you go, sir?

MOURINHO'S INTERVIEW
Even when he says nothing he looks cool. The Special One leaves the gate to his house half-ajar - is that a metaphor, Brian Barwick? - as he gives a guarded interview to Sky News yesterday. It's not just a green door that the former Chelsea manager hides behind - he also uses a blur of non-answers. The dogged reporter refuses to let it lie, though. Would you take the job? "Which job?" So is that a no or a yes? "It's nothing." Thanks for clearing that up then. Jose.
http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,70131-1294880,00.html?f=rss

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25-1
Odds on 'Arry Redknapp to become the next England manager, at 6.35pm yesterday. At one point in the day they had shortened to 7-1.
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In TheGame

Tony Cascarino , football's first agony aunt, has been answering your queries, such as how to head the ball, referee a match in safety and cope with pre-match stress. As AOTG got drubbed 11-0 in a 40-minute seven-a-side match last night (two players didn't turn up, OK?), it's fair to say we consider this essential reading.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/footballs-first.html
In this week's Game Debate , Martin Samuel wondered whether Martin O'Neill wants to be the best manager England never had - or whether he'd left the door open for the FA. Some of you said he was just trying to upset the Aston Villa applecart, while others said that O'Neill had already ruled himself out. 
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/the-martin-onei.html
Remember the good ol' days, before 'Arry Redknapp was arrested and the game was dragged through the mud? That's right, Monday. Listen to 'Arry talk candidly about everything from Joe Cole to the England manager's job on TheGame Podcast .
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/audio_video/podcasts/thegame/article2923970.ece

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* That's 4 you Rafa: Benitez thanks Kop for saving job - The Sun
* Redknapp arrested: five quizzed as police close net in fraud probe - Daily Mail
* Redknapp arrested by fraud police - The Daily Telegraph
* Redknapp and four others arrested by fraud squad detectives - The Independent
* A lifeline for Rafa - Daily Express
* Torres keeps Liverpool's hopes alive - The Guardian
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

It's now 20.49, I still haven't received today's e-mail. If it was received at 4.00pm as promised, it would be great to get home and read the latest. As it is, it really doesn't work. Any chance of improvement? I know that the Times (printed version) is awful for evening kick-offs down here in Cornwall, but for the e-mails to be over four hours late!!
They obviously need to expand the internet highway when they are working on widening the A30. We were a little late yesterday, and admittedly we're late again today - but it shouldn't have been that bad. Apologies to Vaughan and thanks for the patience.

Statement 1: The most smug manager to ever work the Premiership, with maybe Fergie & Wenger close seconds, is the "come chase me", "chosen one" Jose. Why? Because he's good and he knows it. Winning most of the time can do that to you...
Statement 2: If your life depended on the success of our national side, what three names would pop into your head first? Exactly... But we only have a realistic shot at one of them.
Having seen the World Cup draw, something needs to be done - quickly. So enough with the bull****. Let's grab the Portuguese with both hands and put English football back where it needs to be, on top!
You can't argue with the truth of what Matt says - but AOTG would rather lose it itself than spend the rest of its sad life being told how England couldn't win without The Special One

Send your comments to: sport@timesonline.co.uk

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow's news today

- What's next for the bung squad?
- Matt Hughes on how Chelsea will cope without Drogba come January
- Sir Trevor Brooking on the lost generation
- Allardyce puts flops on trial

And expect...

This e-mail to be on time, for once.

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling but without the hassle. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

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Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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Ahead of the Game

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, November 28, 2007. 1600 GMT
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The news in 60 seconds

Mc£EISH QUIDS IN
Alex Mc£eish, who is rumoured to have signed a contract worth three times what he was on as Scotland manager, has said that he took the Birmingham City job because he missed the everyday thrill of working with players. "I really enjoyed my time in the Scotland job, it was a good period for me which was not day to day but allowed me to rekindle my appetite for the club scene again," Mc£eish said.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/birmingham/article2959596.ece

JEWELL IN DENIAL
Paul Jewell has been trying his best to sound like he hasn't given up before he's started. Speaking at this morning's press conference after he was appointed Derby County manager, he said: "It's going to be difficult, I am a realist, but I am not here to raise the white flag." Derby are bottom of the league and have won six points in 14 matches. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/derby/article2959208.ece

BIG SAM UPBEAT
Sam Allardyce has shrugged off the threat to his position as Newcastle United manager today and denied seeking reassurances over his future from Mike Ashley, the club's owner. "No, no, not at all, no. Why should I do that?" Because you are 7-1 to be the next Premier League manager to lose your job and your team have won only one point in four matches? Just a thought.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/newcastle/article2961654.ece

WENGER CHANGES HIS MIND
Arsene Wenger said yesterday that it was important for Arsenal to finish top of their Champions League group, but after watching his inexperienced team get trounced by Seville, he's changed his mind. "For me the unbeaten record in the Champions League is not important, what is important is to qualify," he said. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/arsenal/article2961490.ece

KEANE'S TONGUE-LASHING
Roy Keane has given himself the kind of verbal tongue-lashing that he normally saves for team-mates, WAGS, prawn sandwiches and Alfie Haaland after his team's 7-1 defeat by Everton. "I have to take full responsibility," he said. "That's what being a manager is about."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/arsenal/article2961490.ece

FIVE HELD ON CORRUPTION CHARGES
Police investigating claims of corruption in football arrested five men today as they launched a series of raids across the country. City of London Police said the five were being held on suspicion of conspiracy to defraud and false accounting. It is not known whether the arrests are linked to the Stevens report.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2960090.ece

BENITEZ EYES PROGRESS
Will Rafael Benitez's rotation policy be shown the revolving door? Oliver Kay says defeat by Porto tonight would enable Tom Hicks and George Gillett Jr to sack The Bearded One for footballing reasons - but the likelihood remains that unless his relationship with the Americans improves he will be on his way out for non-footballing reasons. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/liverpool/article2957288.ece

CHELSEA'S MOB RULE
The Normal One is sounding more and more like The Special One. Avram Grant has told his Chelsea players to carry on complaining after they swarmed over the referee like bees around a honey pot during the victory over Derby County on Saturday. Speaking before tonight's Champions League match against Rosenborg, he says Chelsea are being targeted by the men in black / green / yellow / whatever they wear these days.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2957481.ece

STRACHAN CAUTIOUS
Everything to play for at Celtic Park. Gordon Strachan's team face Shakhtar Donetsk knowing that whoever wins tonight will hold the whip hand in the chase for the second qualifying spot - but he's warned Celtic to take nothing for granted. "We must keep the ball because technically, we are not as good as they are," Strachan said.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/european_football/article2957280.ece

SOUNESS FOR SCOTLAND?
Graeme Souness has said he is interested in an international job - we're presuming he means the Scottish one - but Gordon Smith, the chief executive, has pledged that the SFA will not be rushed into a decision as to their next national manager.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/scotland/article2960434.ece

THE LOST GENERATION
The Times' series about the plight of English grass-roots football has pulled in the kind of postbag normally reserved for the Blue Peter Christmas appeal. You're blaming everything from the quality of coaching, pushy parents, the sell-off of school playing fields and the demise of state education for England's Euro 2008 failure. Join the debate. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2955769.ece

LIVE COMMENTARY
Defeat against Porto tonight would not only end Liverpool's Champions League hopes for the season, it would pile the pressure on The Unshaven One. Rob Dineen will be leading the line for Times Online as he brings you every panicked pass and edgy tackle from the crucial match.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/sports_commentary/football/index.html
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame and join the managerial merry-go-round
* It's free and you can still enter
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you've got another couple of minutes

MOURINHO'S ENGLAND STRIP TEASE
If the FA didn't already know it, proof that Jose Mourinho would be more high maintenance than Amy Winehouse on a night out in Brighton. The Special One has been flirting with the governing body by telling The Sun that he would be open to offers about the England job - but only if the FA makes the first move. "Tell the FA to come and get me," Mourinho purred before beckoning coyly to Brian Barwick. "We will have to wait and see. But I rule nothing out."
Admittedly, it's not exactly a Jodie Marsh-style come-on, more like a game of playground kiss chase - although AOTG finds the image of the Portuguese shouting "chase me, chase me" as Barwick is led a merry dance through the boardroom at Soho Square disturbingly hard to swallow. Unfortunately, and like the little tease Mourinho is, his ardour appears to have cooled now he knows it's for real. After all, even Times readers made the Special One their special choice for the England job, with 36.6 per cent of you voting for him in our online poll.
But Mourinho is backtracking faster than Gordon Brown can hand back those dodgy cheques and "sources" have distanced the former Chelsea manager from the quotes. Could it be that he was just using the England job to get a bit of publicity while he waits for a more enticing offer at a top European club? And if so, should the FA allow itself to be lured in by a siren on the rocks?
Send your comments to: sport@timesonline.co.uk

AND WHEN THE MUSIC STOPS...
The only thing AOTG has found more baffling than trying to understand why Alex Mc£eish would give up a nice job with Scotland to join Birmingham City (OK, that one's not so hard to figure) is trying to explain the managerial musical chairs. As far as we can work out, it went something like this: Paul Jewell left Wigan Athletic in the summer, which (after several short-term fixes) created a vacancy for Steve Bruce, who left Birmingham City to take the job. That opened a gap for McLeish, who ditched Scotland to take Bruce's old job at Birmingham. Meanwhile, Derby County got rid of Billy Davies leaving Jewell, who didn't want his old job back, to take Davies' former job at Pride Park. Davies, meanwhile, is well placed to take McLeish's old job at Scotland. Who have we missed?

HENRY'S TOILET HUMOUR
The rumours that Thierry Henry's career has gone down the pan at Barcelona appear to be true, just not in the way we all thought. The forward has been caught with his trousers down in a new range of "caganers" - a traditional Catalan doll that is used in the nativity and features a peasant going to the toilet. The website http://www.caganer.com/index.php?cPath=25&language=en says that it is meant to be a compliment to the player - although we think a figurine of Henry on the job would also make an ideal Christmas gift for Tottenham fans. After all, he spent years doing something similar to their hopes.
The doll is available for 14 euros and you can also get models of Frank Rijkaard, Ronaldinho, Carles Puyol and Lionel Messi. It certainly puts a new twist on another Messi Christmas.

SAMUEL'S POSTBAG
Martin Samuel gets stuck into your comments in a Game Debate with a difference this week. He's abandoned the debate on grass-roots football - not because he doesn't care, but because this paper cares so much it's taken the debate to another level - and focused on whether Martin O'Neill has really ruled himself out of the England running. Some of you have accused him of trying to unsettle the Aston Villa manager, while others say there's no way he would want the job. Samuel begs to differ - and backs his case up with a 302-word transcript from O'Neill's press conference that is more confusing than dyslexia.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/the-martin-onei.html

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
FANS PELT TELLY PERV AT FOOTIE - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) Chris Langham was pelted with boiled sweets when he went to see Arsenal play last weekend. 2) Fellow Gunners fans jeered: "We know where you sit" as the Thick of It actor watched Arsenal beat Wigan Athletic 2-0 at the Emirates Stadium. 3) Langham was attending the match having won early release from a ten-month sentence for downloading child porn.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A quickie before you go, sir?

EXCLUSIVE: RAFA MAKES UP!
An AOTG exclusive: we can bring you secret footage of a rapprochement between Rafa Benitez and George Gillett Jr. After The Stubbly One's humble press conference yesterday, the two decided to make up and join each other, hand in hand, in a reprise of La Cucaracha.
http://www.jibjab.com/starring_you/receipt/3523415

VISIONARIES
This is either a Derby County training session or one of Steve McClaren's failed innovations. It's a group of Japanese guys playing football ... with binoculars. And it's harder than you'd think.
http://www.doubleviking.com/japanese-guys-playing-soccer-with-binoculars-on-7084-p.html

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10
Number of months (minus two days) Alex McLeish was in charge of Scotland - the shortest reign in the modern era.
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In TheGame

Martin Samuel is not the only one to have been answering his postbag. After this week's insightful edition of TheGame Podcast, Gabriele Marcotti has been getting to grips with your queries. Was he too soft on 'Arry Redknapp? And does the podcast have an anti-English bent? He fronts up to your questions.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/audio_video/podcasts/thegame/article2923970.ece
It's one of the game's great clichés: putting in a performance for the new manager. But Tom Dart has been looking at the numbers and the chances of Derby County turning their form around against Sunderland are not looking good. http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/clubs-who-fire.html
In Fanzine Fanzone , our Chelsea man is grateful for the three points from Derby County - even if he can't understand what they are complaining about. Why were they booing the England players? And why aren't they more upset about the departure of Billy Davies?
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone
The best of Everton's goal blitz, Davies's last match in charge of Derby County and Fulham throw away another lead. Highlights from last weekend's Premier League matches.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2236741.ece

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* 'Worst refs I have ever seen': Wenger rages - Daily Mirror
* Fergie: give Jose job - The Sun
* Wenger in ref rage - Daily Express
* Benitez beats a retreat - Daily Mail
* McLeish and Jewell check in at Birmingham and Derby - The Independent
* Come and get me, Mourinho tells England - The Daily Telegraph
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

It's obvious, the new man should be an Englishman who manages the highest positioned Premiership team with the most English players in the side. These must be the best players available to play for England!
T. Elcock from Cambridge leaves us with a choice between 'Arry Redknapp, Alan Curbishley and Big Sam.

I cannot understand why all the comment on the Premier League is restricted to the lack of good quality English players and managers. Surely with the likes of Clattenburg and Riley spoiling game after game we need to attract some good quality foreign officials otherwise up-and-coming players will soon lose heart - not to mention the fans!
As if we don't have enough to worry about, P Neafsey of Harrogate raises another bone of contention.

Send your comments to: sport@timesonline.co.uk

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow's news today

- Oliver Kay and Martin Samuel report from Anfield on a defining night for Rafa Benitez
- Graham Spiers on the next step for Scotland
- The Uefa Cup previews

And expect...

Expect Avram Grant to be pictured wearing an Armani overcoat while haranguing the officials.

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling but without the hassle. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

Ahead of the Game: McLeish Quits

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, November 27, 2007. 1600 GMT
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The news in 60 seconds

McLEISH QUITS
Alex McLeish has resigned as Scotland manager and Birmingham City have announced a press conference for 10.30am tomorrow, so no prizes for guessing where he's going. Let's hope Carson Yeung doesn't push through with that takeover and decide he wants a new man at the helm...
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/scotland/article2953917.ece

RANGERS WARY
Much as you wouldn't know it from ITV's decision to show Manchester United versus Sporting Lisbon, this is the most important match for a British club tonight in the Champions League. Rangers know their position in Group E will be as unhealthy as a deep-fried Mars bar if they can't beat VfB Stuttgart tonight, while even if they win they could face a do-or-die showdown with Lyons in the final group match in two weeks' time.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/scotland/article2951273.ece

GAMBLING GUNNERS
Arsene Wenger admits he is taking a risk by resting Emmanuel Abebayor and William Gallas for tonight's match against Seville but it's not exactly on the scale of Paul Merson. Arsenal are already through and, like Manchester United, are just jostling over top spot.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/article2951280.ece

FERGIE: NO SPORTING GESTURE
Sir Alex Ferguson has ruled out making wholesale changes before tonight's match against Sporting Lisbon, even though Manchester United are through. He wants to make sure of first place before he starts resting players. Jonny Evans will play at centre back.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_united/article2951279.ece

DO I NOT LIKE LOSING
In case anyone wasn't already depressed enough about England's failures, Graham Taylor has warned that we won't win a serious pot in his lifetime. "I don't think I will live long enough to see our country crack it at international level," Taylor said. "And oh how depressing is that?" Very.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/euro_2008/article2955221.ece

HOULLIER FOR ENGLAND?
... and if you haven't already buried your head in your hands, David Dein is handing out advice on who should replace Steve McClaren. The former Arsenal vice-chairman has proposed Gerard Houllier as the next England manager because it would be "folly" to ignore the Frenchman's record.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2956166.ece

BECKHAM BENDS ONE IN
Is this still a football story or should it appear on the showbiz pages? David Beckham curled in a free kick and was given a standing ovation by 80,295 fans as LA Galaxy were beaten 5-3 by Sydney FC in an exhibition match.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/us_sport/article2955907.ece

HUGHES MUSCLING IN
Mark Hughes says that Blackburn Rovers are ready to muscle in on the top four. "It becomes more and more difficult every year because of the resources," he said. "But it is realistic this year and we will certainly go out and have a real go at it."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/blackburn/article2956162.ece

MOYES CLATTERED
Proof of David Moyes's gripe that Everton are given unfair treatment compared to the big clubs. While Sir Alex Ferguson can abuse a referee and get charged in the space of a couple of days, it has taken the FA more than a month to charge Moyes after allegedly accusing Mark Clattenburg of bias after the Merseyside derby.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/everton/article2953725.ece

BIG SAM PINS HOPES ON DEFENCE
Newcastle United's defence looked more porous than a sieve against Liverpool, but Big Sam thinks that Abdoulaye Faye and Steven Taylor can help plug the holes. The Newcastle manager says that Faye is a big player who "has the presence we need".
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/newcastle/article2956002.ece

LIVE MATCH TRACKER
Keep up to date with all of tonight's European and Football League action with our live match tracker, including teams and goal updates.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/live_match_tracker/

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame - and you too can muscle in on the big four
* It's free and you can still enter
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you've got another couple of minutes

BENITEZ FOCUSED ON COACHING AND TRAINING, AGAIN
Yesterday, AOTG tried turning up to work in a tracksuit and repeating 25 times that "we are concentrating on typing our e-mail". We even tried growing a goatee and putting our name forward for the England job - but it still didn't work. Instead of snapping up the work experience lad that we wanted, our boss told us to shut up and do the job or he would appoint someone else. We thought about responding with a Billy Davies-style rant at our boss for failing to back us at the recruitment jamboree, but a quick look at our mortgage repayments has forced us into a radical rethink.
So like a good Liverpool manager, we are going to concentrate on delivering to you what you want today: some news.
It seems that Rafael Benitez has backed down in his dispute with the club's owners after realising that his job is seriously under threat. At today's press conference he was more guarded than a Liverpool player's security system while away on international duty. He began by warning that he would only talk about the football: "Before you start asking, for all the media here as Liverpool football club's manager, I know this is the most important thing for the club.
"I will talk of Porto. I am sure that we will win and I am sure that we will play well so I am always thinking of winning the next game. And then I will think to win against Bolton.
"No distractions. We are thinking of Porto and nothing else."
It still sounds a little bit like focusing on training and coaching, just without the sarcasm. However, this dose of diplomacy could have come too late. While defeat in tomorrow's match would further weaken his position, the end already appears inevitable.
Nonetheless, the fans are refusing to let the manager go without a fight, with one banner outside the club's training ground today reading: "Gillette (sic) Rafa's the best a man can get." Sadly, it looks like it could be a close shave too many for The Bearded One.

THEGAME PODCAST
Gabriele Marcotti and Guillem Balague had to wait for Mrs 'Arry Redknapp to finish her class of yoga before conducting this week's interview, but it was definitely worth the wait. In a bumper edition of TheGame Podcast, the Portsmouth manager opens the doors to his house on the South Coast to talk about everything from 3-5-2s and 4-4-2s to his reputation as a wheeler-dealer. In an open and fascinating interview, he says the only reason he's been labelled as an Arthur Daley is because he's had no choice: every club he's turned up at has been rubbish. He also discusses why some players don't need coaching as much as they need handling, reveals he toyed with the idea of switching from a 4-4-2 at Pompey but had to dump it because his players couldn't cope with it and gives his frightening verdict on why the top four is a closed shop. He also reveals the name of the most talented kid he has ever worked with. And he's English.
Elsewhere, Balague offers an insight into the bewildering events at Liverpool and reveals that the row kicked off over the transfer of Kakha Kaladze, the AC Milan defender, which Tom Hicks refused to sanction. According to our esteemed presenter, Benitez feels that he has effectively been demoted from manager to head coach - which is why he's been pointedly repeating that he is "focusing on training and coaching". He confirms that the manager is on the brink - and questions whether he is a victim of believing his own press.
Also, Matt Dickinson says that Jurgen Klinsmann should be appointed England manager - even if it's just to annoy anyone who says a German shouldn't get the job - while Bill Edgar gets to the bottom of Arsene Wenger's whinge that London teams are at a disadvantage because they play so many derbies.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/audio_video/podcasts/thegame/article2923970.ece

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE TABLOID TALE<<<<<
KOPPIN' OFF: Stevie G & Co get touchy feely - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) It's not what you think. The players have been holding hands a lot in training. 2) There are lots of camp pictures, with the Liverpool players sniggering like naughty schoolboys. 3) The exercise is meant to help the players bond before tonight's big Champions League match against Porto - but we think it's just further proof that Gerrard doesn't understand the holding role.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A quickie before you go, sir?

ACTION STATIONS - NOT PLAYSTATIONS?
The "root and branch" review has started. Not the one by the FA, of course, which is probably still setting up the statutory committee to discuss the reference points for the recruitment of the panel which will determine who leads the review, but The Times ' study of grass-roots football. We've been looking at the state of the nation: is it the parents, the coaches, the weather or the computers that is preventing England from producing decent technical players? Join the debate by e-mailing: sport@timesonline.co.uk or click here to follow the debate:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/system/topicRoot/The_Lost_Generation/

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
150
Liverpool have played 149 matches in the European Cup - tonight will be their 150th
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In TheGame

In Fanzine Fanzone , Chris Smith, our Derby County man, explains why Billy Davies was respected but not loved by fans - and that many supporters will believe the chairman has made the right call in dismissing him. Elsewhere, Wyart Lane, from My Eyes Have Seen The Glory, wonders whether Mike Riley has it in for Tottenham.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone
Bill Edgar , the smartest man in football, explains why it's a good thing Bolton fans weren't as impatient as the Newcastle faithful.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/sam-slammed-pre.html
The best of Everton's goal blitz, Billy Davies's last match in charge of Derby County and Fulham throw away another lead. Highlights from last weekend's Premier League matches.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2236741.ece

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Ferguson faces ban for verbal abuse of referee - The Guardian
* Surrender: Benitez waves the white flag at Yank chiefs - The Sun
* Ince favourite to take Derby reins after Davies departs - The Independent
* Kop out: Benitez chop could see Liverpool stars leaving Anfield - Daily Express
* Be our Guv'nor: Derby want Ince - Daily Mail
* You've lost your soul: Platini says England pay price for importing stars - Daily Mirror
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

Howard Wilkinson never won the Premier League [yesterday's AOTG]. It started in 1992, with Manchester United as the first winners. No Englishman has ever won the Premiership, which is why it seems weird that The Times (like the FA were when selecting McClaren) seem hell-bent on wanting another English disappointment.
Howard Wilkinson was the last English manager to win the English title, but that was the year before it became the Premiership. For a football e-mail, you're not very knowledgeable.
Paul Hemmings, chief complainer and pedant. His words, not ours.

Send your comments to: sport@timesonline.co.uk

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow's news today

- The Lost Generation - how the Dutch deliver
- Martin Samuel: why Klinsmann is not the right man for the job

And expect...

Billy Davies to swap one group of overachieving players for another by accepting the Scotland job.

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling but without the hassle. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Ahead of the Game: Another One Bites The Dust

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, November 26, 2007. 1600 GMT
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The news in 60 seconds

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST
Let that be a lesson to Billy Davies. The Derby County manager has left the club by mutual consent after he paid the price for overachieving last season. He will be unemployed when he picks up the coach of the year prize at the East Midlands Sports Awards tonight, which is ironic, but not as amusing as the fact Steve McClaren is a front-runner to replace him. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/derby/article2946767.ece

BENITEZ ON THE BRINK
The Bearded One seems to have moved ahead of Big Sam in the race to join Davies in the dole queue. Liverpool co-owners George Gillett Jr and Tom Hicks are fed up with Benitez's bickering and are prepared to sack him. "Even in the unlikelihood that he apologises, it may only postpone the inevitable," says Oliver Kay.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/liverpool/article2943513.ece

VOTE OF CONFIDENCE
Sam Allardyce has been given the dreaded vote of confidence after Newcastle's woeful performance against Liverpool. According to Chris Mort, the chairman, the club are fully behind their manager and are confident "he will work hard with his coaching team to turn the team around".
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/newcastle/article2947474.ece

BITTER BRUCE
Steve Bruce has taken a bitter swipe at Birmingham City after the club demanded he pay back an advance he had been given for image rights. "It's become a bit of a laughing stock," he said of the ugly dispute (ahem). "It left me in an embarrassing situation and one I'm very disappointed with."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/wigan/article2947452.ece

VAN GAAL FOR ENGLAND?
Is it only managers with precious little hope of becoming England manager who want the job? Even Louis van Gaal admits he's got virtually no chance of getting the job, but that's not stopped him saying that he wants the job. "There are many candidates but I am willing to do it, otherwise I would not have a clause in my contract," the AZ Alkmaar coach said. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/euro_2008/article2948435.ece

NO DROP IN STANDARDS, SAYS JAMES
Calamity James says that England's goalkeeping future is in safe hands, which is about as reassuring as Norman Lamont telling us not to panic about the Northern Rock fiasco. The only people who will be comforted by James's prediction that Scott Carson "will be England's No 1 for years" are wearing Croatia shirts and jumping up and down with glee about the draw for the World Cup qualifiers.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/euro_2008/article2947712.ece

IS VERY NICE DRAW
Speaking of which, the world and his dog have been dusting off bad Borat jokes, yellow lycra wrestling vests and fake moustaches after England drew Kazakhstan in the World Cup qualifying group. It may not seem quite so funny after ten hours watching an in-flight movie special of Sacha Baron Cohen's one joke - but it's a great deal more amusing than the thought of facing Croatia twice.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/euro_2008/article2943616.ece

DELUDED BECKHAM
Which is more unlikely? David Beckham's belief that England can get revenge on Croatia for their Euro 2008 humiliation when they play their World Cup qualifiers - or the fact that he thinks he'll be playing? Beckham says he is fit enough to carry on playing for years.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2946341.ece

Os FOR OLYMPIC STADIUM?
Barry Hearn says it's "a certainty" that Leyton Orient will move into the Olympic Stadium after the 2012 games. "We've all got egos," the chairman said. "What club wouldn't like to give their address as The Olympic Stadium? I could puff out my chest an extra inch or two."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/london_2012/article2946448.ece

GOLD CARROTT
David Gold, the Birmingham City co-owner, says that the chances of Carson Yeung's takeover succeeding are shrinking faster than the polar ice caps. After one of Yeung's aides criticised the club, Gold warned: "If they can't fulfil their promises, we will go back to the way it was before."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/birmingham/article2948482.ece

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>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame - you're guaranteed a job for life
* It's free and you can still enter
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
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If you've got another couple of minutes

RECORD BREAKERS?
We need one more for a record - and most of us haven't even started putting up our Christmas trees. With 29 days to go before we start basting our turkey, Billy Davies is the sixth Premier League manager to have lost or moved jobs this season - one short of the previous best (or worst, if you prefer) three seasons ago. It's the fifth time that so many managers have been out of work before the festive season has even gone and only once - three seasons ago - has that statistic been surpassed.
Davies followed Sammy Lee, Chris Hutchins, Martin Jol and Jose Mourinho into the managerial dole queue, while Steve Bruce jumped from a listing ship at Birmingham to take the wheel at Wigan.
With Benitez and Big Sam both vulnerable, the first half of this season could be the most turbulent in the history of the Premier League.

CLUELESS CAPITULATION COMPENSATED
Our competition to sum up Steve McClaren's tenure in three words in exchange for a box of organic vegetables got more puns than the Croatian national anthem. Sadly, some of the best ones were in similarly dubious taste. Angelo's "Innovative - my a**e", for one, would have been a definite contender if it wasn't for those pesky rules on swearing.
After much consideration - and more bickering among the judges than an hour-long Strictly Come Dancing special - we've come up with a winner. So a box of organic vegetables is on its way to Chris Last (as soon as he sends us his address) for this entry:

Clueless capitulation compensated

We think it captures the feeling of bewilderment, rancour and impotent frustration of many of us (and it alliterates, which is nice). We don't expect you to agree, so we've included the best of the rest in Joe Bloggs' Soapbox. Thanks for all your entries.

THEGAME PODCAST
In the first of a two-part interview, 'Arry Redknapp tells TheGame Podcast why Joe Cole could be England's answer to Elano. The Portsmouth manager, who worked with Cole when he was at West Ham, reckons that his protégé is the closest thing this country has to a No 10 and should be given a free role behind the front two. Redknapp doesn't throw his hat into the ring for the vacant England job, but he does say he's one of the best managers around. Gabriele Marcotti and Guillem Balague lead the discussion as they run the rule over the prospective England managers and discuss the latest public row between Rafael Benitez and his bosses. Bill Edgar provides a statistic that will make you think harder than a quantum physicist. Online from 6pm.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/audio_video/podcasts/

THE DEBATE - HOW BAD IS THE CRISIS?
This week's debate is in danger of turning into a cat fight between Times writers. Martin Samuel has squared up to Tony Cascarino after the former Marseilles forward argued there was nothing wrong with English football that a decent manager couldn't solve. Our Chief Football Correspondent says the argument is as flawed as our coaching structure. Clearly, one of them (or both of them) is wrong - but what do you think? How deep-seated is the crisis in English football?
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/the-debate-how.html

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>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
ENGLAND STAR'S SEX SHAME - News of the World
What you need to know: 1) A top England player had sex with a girl at a drunken party in a Soho lapdancing club in the build-up to this week's humiliating exit from the Euro 2008 championship. 2) When they say "the build-up", they're exaggerating the preparation that goes into an England team - the alleged incident was on October 27, some 25 days before England were knocked out and a full 24 days, 23hr and 45min before McClaren decided what formation to use. 3) Still, that won't stop AOTG joining in the fun - particularly as it wasn't the only (alleged) incident at Shaun Wright-Phillips' birthday bash. 4) They don't tell us who the scamp who was caught with his trousers down is, but there aren't too many "top England players".
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A quickie before you go, sir?

COMEDY
Just in case the Kazakhstan manager was looking for some ideas for a team talk, we thought we'd show our complete ignorance of the country's culture by dusting off a video of Borat - Is Joke! - and sniggering guiltily. "Women can now travel on the inside of buses, homosexuals no longer have to wear blue hats and age of consent has now been raised to 8," Borat says. You'd have thought AOTG would have learnt some humility after all England's recent humiliations, but no...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFVN59sR4lY&feature=related

LIVE PREMIER LEAGUE HIGHLIGHTS
Steven Gerrard puts his England woes behind him, Nicolas Anelka turns on a sixpence as Bolton shock Manchester United and William Gallas ends Wigan Athletic's stout resistance. Highlights from every Premier League match.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2236741.ece

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3,479
Miles from London to Almaty, where Kazakhstan play their home matches. That makes it an Almaty long journey, if you pronounce it like Borat.
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In TheGame

In TheGame blog , Tom Dart explains why Billy Davies has paid the price for nothing short overachieving.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/bill-paid-off.html#more
Gareth Harrison, our Newcastle man, is wondering who else would want to drink from the poisoned chalice after Sam Allardyce was booed during the defeat by Liverpool. He's predicting a long, dark winter - and not many takers.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone
Why getting a last-minute penalty against West Ham United is rarely good news - at least when Robert Green is in goal. Bill Edgar on the weekend in numbers .
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/weekend-in-nu-2.html
On this week's Topical Barometer, Alan Carr explains why it's been a good week for Take That and Croatia's national anthem.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/alan-carrs-to-3.html
Howard Wilkinson is known as the last English manager to win the Premier League - he tells QA why it's a title that will be unchallenged for a long time to come. http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/qa-howard-wilki.html
Tony Cascarino wants to know whether booing is medieval enough for modern day fans. He's proposing putting a set of stocks in the goalmouth so the supporters can really get stuck in. Tony's Fiver .
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/tonys-fiver.html

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>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Are you sure? Owen: Croats not good enough for England - The Sun
* Revenge mission for England - The Daily Telegraph
* Croatia stand in England's way on road to World Cup - The Independent
* It's them again - Daily Mail
* Oh no, not you again - Daily Express
* Cro no, not you again - Daily Mirror
* Hello again Zagreb, jagshemash, Almaty - England go long haul - The Guardian
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Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

As promised, here are the best of your entries for the competition to sum up McClaren's tenure in three words:

Understudy, Underachiever, Under-Umbrella
And because 'Under-Umbrella' strictly speaking isn't a word (although if Twonk and Plank can officially make it into the dictionary, it can only be a matter of time), a variation:
Understudy, Underachiever, Underpants
Mark Alder is highly commended for his second effort

Ruined my summer
Sven version 0.002
Innovative - my a**e
Angelo

Utterly, desperately pathetic
Ola Obanubi

Blame? No ... lame
Where's my vegetables?
Money, Money, Money
2008, zilch, £2.5m
Peter Gartenberg

What a kerfuffle (he and Tel remind me a bit of Lou & Andy from Little Britain)
Nice white teeth (about the only thing that changed about him during his tenure)
Matt Thorpe

Swede to Turnip
Kiran Raichura

Worse than Sven - or even - Worse than Taylor.
Steven Ives
clueless about football
biggest mistake ever
"Melspur"

And the rest

Claudio Ranieri for the England job - bought loads of great English players when at Chelsea and not afraid to tinker when things are going wrong.
James Turner

Given Sven's success at Man City and generally everywhere he's been except the England hotseat - where I think he did OK - is it me, or does it look quite likely that Steve McClaren has been the problem all along!?! He was probably holding Sven back, I can imagine conversations on the England bench during the WC defeat to Portugal might have been similar to:
Sven: I might put Theo Walcott on now and see if he can stretch the game.
Mac: No Sven. Get Crouchie up there on his own and let's play for a no-score draw. Trust me, I know what I'm doing [SM produces vile second-hand car-dealer style yellow grin].
Just a thought. Let's just hope we can get Mourinho.
David Evans from Cardiff

Of course there are more people willing to take the job than just Capello - I appear to have been overlooked. I'll do the job for a tenth of the pay. I've even had my hair cut and bought some new boots on the strength of it. I know nothing whatsoever about football, but I can't see how that is going to be a disadvantage... I'll just ask my mates!
Louis van Gaal obviously read Kelly Sykes 's e-mail before submitting his application today.

Send your mail to: sport@timesonline.co.uk

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Tomorrow's news today

- Levy talks for the first time since Jol sacking
- Benitez calls for truce
- All the team news as Manchester United, Arsenal and Rangers prepare for Champions League action

And expect...

Borat 2 to be rushed into production

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