AHEAD OF THE GAME
Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail
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Friday, November 30, 2007. 1600 GMT
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The news in 60 seconds
RONALDO SHORTLISTED
Cristiano Ronaldo has made it through to the "final" of the Fifa player of the year award, along with Lionel Messi and Kaka. Everyone already knows that the Brazil playmaker has beaten Ronaldo to the European gong (which will be officially announced on Sunday) and Kaka is also favourite to scoop the world category.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_united/article2978132.ece
FERGUSON TO CHOOSE ENGLAND BOSS
As if we don't have enough problems already. Sir Alex Ferguson, who famously taunts his England players when they lose on international duty, wants to help the FA choose the next manager. Didn't Fergie also say that Steve McClaren should have been given more time? And we still trust him?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/euro_2008/article2977607.ece
MOYES SCOTCHES SCOTLAND TALK
David Moyes, the Everton manager, has said he would like to manage Scotland one day - but when he is "a little bit older and experienced and has made all the money he ever needs to". The Everton manager didn't say the last bit, obviously, because he didn't need to.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/everton/article2977724.ece
SVEN WANTS CROUCH
Thaksin Shinawatra has admitted that Manchester City love rat Sven-Goran Eriksson is interested in making Peter Crouch the latest notch on his bed post. "Sven does like Peter Crouch, very much. But he has yet to decide [whether to make an offer]," Thaksin said. You see, it's not even a tall story (boom, boom). http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_city/article2975872.ece
KEANE'S 'FLASHBACKS'
Roy Keane has confirmed what AOTG has always suspected: that he's a bit mental. The Sunderland manager has admitted to being haunted by flashbacks from his career. Is it mean to suggest that Alf Inge Haaland probably has the same problem, only for different reasons?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/sunderland/article2977936.ece
SMITH'S RALLYING CRY
Alan Smith - is he a Newcastle forward or midfielder now? Like Big Sam, we've given up trying to work it out - is doing what he does best: making a lot of noise to little effect. He's issued a rallying cry to his team-mates saying they've got to stand up, get stuck in and all that before their match against Blackburn.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/newcastle/article2978060.ece
McLEISH UNLEASHED
This is more like it: if you want to motivate your players, put their jobs on the line. Alex Mc£eish, Birmingham City's new manager, has told his players they've got precisely one month to impress him before the transfer window opens - and if they don't he'll throw them through it.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/birmingham/article2977954.ece
SOUTHGATE ON EDGE
Gareth Southgate admits that even the most supportive chairman in the Premier League may run out of patience. The Middlesbrough manager said: "I think there are 12 teams now whose managers were appointed after me, and I have only been in the job for 16, 17 months. It's the nature of the job, seemingly."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/middlesbrough/article2978500.ece
COLE LOOKS TO EX FACTOR
Carlton Cole wants to show one of his (many) old clubs what they are missing when he plays against Chelsea for the first time tomorrow. The West Ham United forward, whose four league goals for the clubs equals his best haul for any of his five previous employers, could start alongside Dean Ashton. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/west_ham/article2975597.ece
PETIT'S SMALL TALK
Emmanuel Petit, who has been out of the game and the spotlight for several years, has discovered that the best way to get some media work is to say something controversial. He has criticised John Terry and Ashley Cole for missing England's match with injury, only to turn out for Chelsea three days later. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2975173.ece
BRIDGE OF SIGHS
Wayne Bridge is ready to burn his bridges, so to speak, with Chelsea. Matt Hughes says the left back has got the hump after being overlooked in favour of Ashley Cole because of that shocker against Croatia (at least someone is being punished for it). Anyway, the real irony is that he is expected to attract more interest than Sheva Don't Chase, who is also fed up.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2971496.ece
'ARRY'S ENGLAND DREAM
Portsmouth manager 'Arry Redknapp fears his hopes of landing the England job are in tatters after he was arrested as part of investigations into corruption. Still, if that doesn't work out, there's always the comedy circuit. Bemoaning the fact the police had dragged his name into the investigation, he said: "I told the players about the agent and that allegedly he had paid some of his agent's fee to the player. All of them wanted his number."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/portsmouth/article2971524.ece
SIMON BARNES FIDDLES HIS EXPENSES!
Don't worry, AOTG isn't selling one of its more esteemed colleagues down the river. Simon Barnes has admitted to blagging the odd meal and a bit of extra travel in his early days as a cub reporter: everyone did it, so it was all right. More importantly, Barnes says the newspapers have got it wrong: no one really cares about a couple of bob here and there - not compared to whether their team wins.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/columnists/simon_barnes/article2971510.ece
THE SOUL OF CHELSEA
And you thought Chelsea have got no history. Giles Smith on the soul - yes, apparently they have one of those, too - of Chelsea in 50 moments, including the day Boy George came to the Shed, Willy "Morbidly Obese" Foulke, Dennis Wise clambering up the Wembley steps with his baby, Father Christmas and an episode of Minder.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2967989.ece
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>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame - because it's free so you won't even have to diddle your expenses
* It's free and you can still enter
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
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If you've got another couple of minutes
UGLY TRUTH ABOUT PRETTY ARSENAL
AOTG doesn't want to take the gloss off Arsenal's sparkling start to the season - Seville did that perfectly well on their own, thank you - but while the media have been tripping over themselves like Wayne Bridge on international duty in their rush to praise the Gunners, the statistics suggest we may have been a little hasty.
Indeed, tomorrow's match against Aston Villa - the first of three consecutive away games - should help determine whether they really are going to be The Best Team In The History Of The World Ever or just The Best Looking Team In Recent History Who Struggle When It Gets A Bit Physical.
Regular skim-readers will realise that AOTG's grasp on big numbers is right up there with the Chancellor and the chairman of Northern Rock, but try to bear with us through this blizzard of statistics. After all, we've gone to the trouble of dusting off our broken abacus again, so it's the least you can do.
Arsenal may be top of the league, but they've played eight of their 13 matches at home and only five away. At home they have won seven and drawn one, while away they have won three and drawn two (against Liverpool and Blackburn). Not too bad, but in terms of evidence that they have toughened up it's no more conclusive than the fact that Cesc Fabregas hacked down Tomas Repka or stopped wearing gloves.
Even last season - the "transitional" one when they finished fourth, some 21 points behind the champions - they had a solid record at the Emirates Stadium, losing only one match. Admittedly, they drew too many (six) but their record stood comparison with the top four - only Chelsea lost fewer home matches.
Their problems were on the road, where teams wouldn't let them stroll around unchallenged exchanging pretty passes before walking the ball into an empty net. They won only seven, drew five and lost a shameful seven. In that period they scored only 20 goals on their travels (for a goal difference of plus one) compared to 43 at home (goal difference plus 17). Manchester United scored 46 at home and 37 away, to give a feel for the yawning statistical gap.
So while you may be bored by all those numbers - you may even be propping yourself up on your elbows as you find yourself drifting off - you'll see that Arsenal need to prove they can hack it away from home. We already knew they could turn it on at the Emirates. And with Fabregas possibly out tomorrow, Martin O'Neill's team - packed with the type of 6 footers who will scare Wenger as much as they will scare off an FA board that is looking for a manager who plays the beautiful game - could be the perfect test. And if they aren't, successive matches away to Newcastle and Middlesbrough will be.
WAIT FOR IT...
AOTG wants to make the recruitment process for the England job as authentic as possible. So rather than acting decisively after you sent in your proposed questions for the next England manager, we're going to drag it out over the weekend while we tuck into a nice bottle of red over dinner with a bunch of old chums from school (while prospective candidates find something more interesting to do). Admittedly, we're not going to make you wait six months before choosing a winner - just until Monday - but in the time-honoured tradition of FA prevarication we will drop a few hints and leak a few stories about the contenders. Such as the fact that Roger won't be winning, even though his message was very funny ...
We've printed a selection of your questions on the bottom of this e-mail and also set up a blog (http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/have-your-say-o.html) for anyone to post their comments. Alternatively, e-mail: sport@timesonline.co.uk
Thanks for all your comments so far.
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>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
ON ME 'EAD ... ER, NOSE - Daily Mirror
What you need to know: 1) David Beckham has been pictured going nose to nose with a pretty woman. 2) We think it's a woman anyway - it's hard to tell with all the tattoos and make-up - but it's not what Posh probably thinks it is. 3) It's a traditional Maori greeting and Becks has just been showing he "nose" the local customs on LA Galaxy's tour to New Zealand. 4) Beckham, who was also treated to a dance by a spear-wielding warrior, said: "It's nice to be given a welcome like that." Thanks, David.
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A quickie before you go, sir?
CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES
Like the impartial commentator he is, Charlie Nicholas jumps up and down like a loon to celebrate Celtic's winner against Shakhtar Donetsk. Ian Wright, Wright, Wright eat your heart, heart, heart out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GT2QXDTGK5Y
DROGBA'S COLD FRONT
Didier Drogba's cheeky celebration after scoring for Chelsea against Rosenborg on Wednesday. You can hear his teeth chattering from here as he shudders in the cold after opening the scoring.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNrqjlG_Ri0
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60.5
Arsene Wenger on being handed a touchline ban: "I was surprised that I was sent off for what I said. If the speed limit is 60mph, sometimes you're not caught when you drive 70 and sometimes you're caught when you drive 61. I drove sixty and a half."
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In TheGame
Sir Trevor Brooking faces some tough questions from Martin Samuel and a 10-year-old in our series on The Lost Generation. The director of technical development admits he is struggling to find the right answers - so imagine if Samuel had brought a teenager with him.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2971538.ece
Tony Cascarino , football's first agony aunt, has been answering your queries, such as how to head the ball, referee a match in safety and cope with pre-match stress.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/footballs-first.html
Listen to 'Arry talk candidly about everything from Joe Cole to the England manager's job as he invites TheGame Podcast into his South Coast home.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/audio_video/podcasts/thegame/article2923970.ece
Gabriele Marcotti on the world's top 50 players. Believe it or not, there's actually an Englishman in the top ten.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/columnists/gabriele_marcotti/article1963015.ece
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>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* He can do it: Sir Geoff and Sven join Jose fan club - The Sun
* Rafa wins: Hicks ready to sell his stake in Anfield - Daily Mirror
* Barwick's Boot room: the world-class team who will select the England manager - The Daily Telegraph
* No chance: fuming Redknapp blames police raid for shattering England dream - Daily Mail
* Mourinho invites FA 'to make concrete England offer' - The Independent
* Redknapp sees his England hopes shattered - The Guardian
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Joe Bloggs' Soapbox
We asked what questions you think the FA should ask the next England manager. Here are some of your suggestions:
Here's my question for the FA to ask applicants for the post of England manager:
You schedule a daily press conference for 4pm sharp. What time does it actually take place? A) 4pm. B) 4.30pm. C) Any time you bloody well feel like it.
OK - like I was saying, I love your work really: well done for allowing the (occasional) lateness of your email become a running theme; and not suppressing any (light-hearted) criticism like a communist junta.
Nice. It's a fair cop, Roger , and thanks for cutting us some slack.
1) How's your love life?
2) What's your opinion on reincarnation?
3) Who's your agent?
4) How do you feel about stuffed brown paper envelopes?
5) Do you resemble any vegetables - excluding the FA, of course?
6) Do you keep up with the gossip columns?
7) Who's your accountant?
8) What's your favourite supercar?
And there was one more...let me think, it'll come soon...oh yeah?
9) Do you know anything about football?
BOBNESSUK
Dear applicant for the England job,
What role do you envisage Joe Cole operating in for England? A) The continued square peg in a round hole on the left of midfield B) The Andrea Pirlo role behind the striker in a truly creative position.
Yours sin ...blah blah
Gavin McCusker
Some questions they should not ask:
You are English, aren't you?
Have you ever been arrested?
Do you have a figure in mind, Mr Mourinho?
Steven Ives
And the rest...
Vaughan, you reckon you've got problems in Cornwall. I'm in East Kent and have been up all night waiting (not for my sexual relations to turn up..circa 1977) but for AOTG to hit the inbox. It finally got here just ahead of the milkman at 7.09am Friday! Now, being a West Ham supporter I am used to things being late ... like strikers arriving in the box, defenders getting back or even the players realising the season has started ( mid-March last season I think!) but this is getting ridiculous. My other half is convinced I am sitting downstairs watching satellite channels of dubious taste to avoid me having to do just that, can we get it just a tad sooner, please? AOTG? Ahead of which game, exactly, the FA Cup Final?!
AOTG sees itself as the Carlton Cole of the modern media world, if that's any consolation for Peter Arnold. Underperforming, erratic and as you rightly say, we arrive in your inbox a little too late to be of any use.
Thanks for sending the email earlier today - muchly appreciated - I got to read it before I left work so didn't have to wait until the morning.
Vicki - you wouldn't believe it, but we do actually try. Thanks for the support and we're glad your team came through for you last night.
You have made me change my mind about Maureen [yesterday's AOTG], I thought he was the right choice [for the England job] but, yes, the rest of eternity with his smugness may be a little too much to bear.
He didn't attach a name, but we're glad someone agrees...
Nice one AOTG - "Always look at the bright side of strife" - but can you please clarify one thing for me. A "Sky-less" friend of mine - God bless him, he doesn't have to cope up with Andy Gray & Martin Tyler's anti-Chelsea rants/ bias every week, unlike this Blues-faithful - informed me that he has not seen 'Arry Redknapp on Match of the Day for a while. It's always Tony Adams who does the post-match interviews with the BBC for Portsmouth FC, isn't it? Why is that so? Oh, and by the way, your coverage about the Blues, Lamps & The Special One are shocking as well - is there a code for News International journalists to hold an anti-Chelsea bias?
Thanks for the message. In response to Aranya Syed's questions: Redknapp was also furious at the same Panorama documentary that annoyed Big Sam - see this link for more info: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/5367852.stm - after it alleged he had tried to "tap up" Andy Todd. It was also a hollow accusation. Interestingly, Redknapp agreed to take one question from the floor at his press conference yesterday but abandoned the plan when the first question came from a BBC reporter whose first word was Panorama...
Secondly, AOTG can't speak for anyone else - but would have to disagree that we are biased: we're generally anti-everyone.
Send your comments to: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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Tomorrow's news today
- Hicks distances himself from share sale rumour
- Crouch on life under Benitez
- The Fink Tank reports from the football laboratory
And expect...
AOTG to buy a big golf umbrella to protect itself from recent criticism...
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Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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