Ahead of the Game: Another One Bites The Dust

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, November 26, 2007. 1600 GMT
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The news in 60 seconds

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST
Let that be a lesson to Billy Davies. The Derby County manager has left the club by mutual consent after he paid the price for overachieving last season. He will be unemployed when he picks up the coach of the year prize at the East Midlands Sports Awards tonight, which is ironic, but not as amusing as the fact Steve McClaren is a front-runner to replace him. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/derby/article2946767.ece

BENITEZ ON THE BRINK
The Bearded One seems to have moved ahead of Big Sam in the race to join Davies in the dole queue. Liverpool co-owners George Gillett Jr and Tom Hicks are fed up with Benitez's bickering and are prepared to sack him. "Even in the unlikelihood that he apologises, it may only postpone the inevitable," says Oliver Kay.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/liverpool/article2943513.ece

VOTE OF CONFIDENCE
Sam Allardyce has been given the dreaded vote of confidence after Newcastle's woeful performance against Liverpool. According to Chris Mort, the chairman, the club are fully behind their manager and are confident "he will work hard with his coaching team to turn the team around".
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/newcastle/article2947474.ece

BITTER BRUCE
Steve Bruce has taken a bitter swipe at Birmingham City after the club demanded he pay back an advance he had been given for image rights. "It's become a bit of a laughing stock," he said of the ugly dispute (ahem). "It left me in an embarrassing situation and one I'm very disappointed with."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/wigan/article2947452.ece

VAN GAAL FOR ENGLAND?
Is it only managers with precious little hope of becoming England manager who want the job? Even Louis van Gaal admits he's got virtually no chance of getting the job, but that's not stopped him saying that he wants the job. "There are many candidates but I am willing to do it, otherwise I would not have a clause in my contract," the AZ Alkmaar coach said. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/euro_2008/article2948435.ece

NO DROP IN STANDARDS, SAYS JAMES
Calamity James says that England's goalkeeping future is in safe hands, which is about as reassuring as Norman Lamont telling us not to panic about the Northern Rock fiasco. The only people who will be comforted by James's prediction that Scott Carson "will be England's No 1 for years" are wearing Croatia shirts and jumping up and down with glee about the draw for the World Cup qualifiers.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/euro_2008/article2947712.ece

IS VERY NICE DRAW
Speaking of which, the world and his dog have been dusting off bad Borat jokes, yellow lycra wrestling vests and fake moustaches after England drew Kazakhstan in the World Cup qualifying group. It may not seem quite so funny after ten hours watching an in-flight movie special of Sacha Baron Cohen's one joke - but it's a great deal more amusing than the thought of facing Croatia twice.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/euro_2008/article2943616.ece

DELUDED BECKHAM
Which is more unlikely? David Beckham's belief that England can get revenge on Croatia for their Euro 2008 humiliation when they play their World Cup qualifiers - or the fact that he thinks he'll be playing? Beckham says he is fit enough to carry on playing for years.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2946341.ece

Os FOR OLYMPIC STADIUM?
Barry Hearn says it's "a certainty" that Leyton Orient will move into the Olympic Stadium after the 2012 games. "We've all got egos," the chairman said. "What club wouldn't like to give their address as The Olympic Stadium? I could puff out my chest an extra inch or two."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/london_2012/article2946448.ece

GOLD CARROTT
David Gold, the Birmingham City co-owner, says that the chances of Carson Yeung's takeover succeeding are shrinking faster than the polar ice caps. After one of Yeung's aides criticised the club, Gold warned: "If they can't fulfil their promises, we will go back to the way it was before."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/birmingham/article2948482.ece

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame - you're guaranteed a job for life
* It's free and you can still enter
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you've got another couple of minutes

RECORD BREAKERS?
We need one more for a record - and most of us haven't even started putting up our Christmas trees. With 29 days to go before we start basting our turkey, Billy Davies is the sixth Premier League manager to have lost or moved jobs this season - one short of the previous best (or worst, if you prefer) three seasons ago. It's the fifth time that so many managers have been out of work before the festive season has even gone and only once - three seasons ago - has that statistic been surpassed.
Davies followed Sammy Lee, Chris Hutchins, Martin Jol and Jose Mourinho into the managerial dole queue, while Steve Bruce jumped from a listing ship at Birmingham to take the wheel at Wigan.
With Benitez and Big Sam both vulnerable, the first half of this season could be the most turbulent in the history of the Premier League.

CLUELESS CAPITULATION COMPENSATED
Our competition to sum up Steve McClaren's tenure in three words in exchange for a box of organic vegetables got more puns than the Croatian national anthem. Sadly, some of the best ones were in similarly dubious taste. Angelo's "Innovative - my a**e", for one, would have been a definite contender if it wasn't for those pesky rules on swearing.
After much consideration - and more bickering among the judges than an hour-long Strictly Come Dancing special - we've come up with a winner. So a box of organic vegetables is on its way to Chris Last (as soon as he sends us his address) for this entry:

Clueless capitulation compensated

We think it captures the feeling of bewilderment, rancour and impotent frustration of many of us (and it alliterates, which is nice). We don't expect you to agree, so we've included the best of the rest in Joe Bloggs' Soapbox. Thanks for all your entries.

THEGAME PODCAST
In the first of a two-part interview, 'Arry Redknapp tells TheGame Podcast why Joe Cole could be England's answer to Elano. The Portsmouth manager, who worked with Cole when he was at West Ham, reckons that his protégé is the closest thing this country has to a No 10 and should be given a free role behind the front two. Redknapp doesn't throw his hat into the ring for the vacant England job, but he does say he's one of the best managers around. Gabriele Marcotti and Guillem Balague lead the discussion as they run the rule over the prospective England managers and discuss the latest public row between Rafael Benitez and his bosses. Bill Edgar provides a statistic that will make you think harder than a quantum physicist. Online from 6pm.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/audio_video/podcasts/

THE DEBATE - HOW BAD IS THE CRISIS?
This week's debate is in danger of turning into a cat fight between Times writers. Martin Samuel has squared up to Tony Cascarino after the former Marseilles forward argued there was nothing wrong with English football that a decent manager couldn't solve. Our Chief Football Correspondent says the argument is as flawed as our coaching structure. Clearly, one of them (or both of them) is wrong - but what do you think? How deep-seated is the crisis in English football?
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/the-debate-how.html

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
ENGLAND STAR'S SEX SHAME - News of the World
What you need to know: 1) A top England player had sex with a girl at a drunken party in a Soho lapdancing club in the build-up to this week's humiliating exit from the Euro 2008 championship. 2) When they say "the build-up", they're exaggerating the preparation that goes into an England team - the alleged incident was on October 27, some 25 days before England were knocked out and a full 24 days, 23hr and 45min before McClaren decided what formation to use. 3) Still, that won't stop AOTG joining in the fun - particularly as it wasn't the only (alleged) incident at Shaun Wright-Phillips' birthday bash. 4) They don't tell us who the scamp who was caught with his trousers down is, but there aren't too many "top England players".
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A quickie before you go, sir?

COMEDY
Just in case the Kazakhstan manager was looking for some ideas for a team talk, we thought we'd show our complete ignorance of the country's culture by dusting off a video of Borat - Is Joke! - and sniggering guiltily. "Women can now travel on the inside of buses, homosexuals no longer have to wear blue hats and age of consent has now been raised to 8," Borat says. You'd have thought AOTG would have learnt some humility after all England's recent humiliations, but no...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFVN59sR4lY&feature=related

LIVE PREMIER LEAGUE HIGHLIGHTS
Steven Gerrard puts his England woes behind him, Nicolas Anelka turns on a sixpence as Bolton shock Manchester United and William Gallas ends Wigan Athletic's stout resistance. Highlights from every Premier League match.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2236741.ece

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3,479
Miles from London to Almaty, where Kazakhstan play their home matches. That makes it an Almaty long journey, if you pronounce it like Borat.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In TheGame

In TheGame blog , Tom Dart explains why Billy Davies has paid the price for nothing short overachieving.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/bill-paid-off.html#more
Gareth Harrison, our Newcastle man, is wondering who else would want to drink from the poisoned chalice after Sam Allardyce was booed during the defeat by Liverpool. He's predicting a long, dark winter - and not many takers.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone
Why getting a last-minute penalty against West Ham United is rarely good news - at least when Robert Green is in goal. Bill Edgar on the weekend in numbers .
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/weekend-in-nu-2.html
On this week's Topical Barometer, Alan Carr explains why it's been a good week for Take That and Croatia's national anthem.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/alan-carrs-to-3.html
Howard Wilkinson is known as the last English manager to win the Premier League - he tells QA why it's a title that will be unchallenged for a long time to come. http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/qa-howard-wilki.html
Tony Cascarino wants to know whether booing is medieval enough for modern day fans. He's proposing putting a set of stocks in the goalmouth so the supporters can really get stuck in. Tony's Fiver .
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/11/tonys-fiver.html

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Are you sure? Owen: Croats not good enough for England - The Sun
* Revenge mission for England - The Daily Telegraph
* Croatia stand in England's way on road to World Cup - The Independent
* It's them again - Daily Mail
* Oh no, not you again - Daily Express
* Cro no, not you again - Daily Mirror
* Hello again Zagreb, jagshemash, Almaty - England go long haul - The Guardian
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

As promised, here are the best of your entries for the competition to sum up McClaren's tenure in three words:

Understudy, Underachiever, Under-Umbrella
And because 'Under-Umbrella' strictly speaking isn't a word (although if Twonk and Plank can officially make it into the dictionary, it can only be a matter of time), a variation:
Understudy, Underachiever, Underpants
Mark Alder is highly commended for his second effort

Ruined my summer
Sven version 0.002
Innovative - my a**e
Angelo

Utterly, desperately pathetic
Ola Obanubi

Blame? No ... lame
Where's my vegetables?
Money, Money, Money
2008, zilch, £2.5m
Peter Gartenberg

What a kerfuffle (he and Tel remind me a bit of Lou & Andy from Little Britain)
Nice white teeth (about the only thing that changed about him during his tenure)
Matt Thorpe

Swede to Turnip
Kiran Raichura

Worse than Sven - or even - Worse than Taylor.
Steven Ives
clueless about football
biggest mistake ever
"Melspur"

And the rest

Claudio Ranieri for the England job - bought loads of great English players when at Chelsea and not afraid to tinker when things are going wrong.
James Turner

Given Sven's success at Man City and generally everywhere he's been except the England hotseat - where I think he did OK - is it me, or does it look quite likely that Steve McClaren has been the problem all along!?! He was probably holding Sven back, I can imagine conversations on the England bench during the WC defeat to Portugal might have been similar to:
Sven: I might put Theo Walcott on now and see if he can stretch the game.
Mac: No Sven. Get Crouchie up there on his own and let's play for a no-score draw. Trust me, I know what I'm doing [SM produces vile second-hand car-dealer style yellow grin].
Just a thought. Let's just hope we can get Mourinho.
David Evans from Cardiff

Of course there are more people willing to take the job than just Capello - I appear to have been overlooked. I'll do the job for a tenth of the pay. I've even had my hair cut and bought some new boots on the strength of it. I know nothing whatsoever about football, but I can't see how that is going to be a disadvantage... I'll just ask my mates!
Louis van Gaal obviously read Kelly Sykes 's e-mail before submitting his application today.

Send your mail to: sport@timesonline.co.uk

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow's news today

- Levy talks for the first time since Jol sacking
- Benitez calls for truce
- All the team news as Manchester United, Arsenal and Rangers prepare for Champions League action

And expect...

Borat 2 to be rushed into production

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling but without the hassle. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you no longer wish to receive this e-mail, please click here to unsubscribe (you must be logged in to do so). If you wish to contact our Customer Services team, please send an e-mail to info@newsint.co.uk, or if you wish to speak to a Customer Services representative,  please call 0207 860 1133.

News International Limited, 1 Virginia Street, London E98 1XY, is the holding company for the News International Group and is registered in England No 81701.

Times Newspapers Ltd is a member of the Direct Marketing Association and registered under the Data Protection Act 1998. To see our privacy policy, click here.