Ahead of the Game: Usmanov Ups Stakes

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

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Friday, September 28, 2007. 1600 BST
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The news in 60 seconds

USMANOV UPS STAKES
Alisher Usmanov, the Uzbek billionaire whose jowls are as fat as his bank account, has upped his stake in Arsenal to 23 per cent. He paid a jaw-dropping £10,200 a share as he closes in on a dastardly "blocking share".
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/arsenal/article2549975.ece

RAFA EXPLAINS HIS MEDDLING
The Bearded One has defended his dizzying rotation policy. Rafael Benitez says he doesn't need Fernando Torres's speed against Birmingham City, he needs it at the end of the season, when all hope of Liverpool winning the league has gone. He didn't say the last bit.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/liverpool/article2551664.ece

SHEVCHENKO JUST ONE OF BOYS
Andriy Shevchenko, who is buddies with Chelsea's billionaire owner (who was allegedly coaching Michael Essien last week), has said that he won't get any special treatment from the new manager because he hardly knows him. Without a trace of irony, he's also demanded that the players stick together.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2552000.ece

CELTIC'S HOME AFFAIRS
If those "Neds" - yobs who sit around drinking lager and hurling abuse at the players - think they get a hard time from Gordon Strachan, they could be in for a shock. Celtic have named John Reid, the former hard-line Home Secretary, as their new chairman.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2552567.ece

FERGUSON WARNING
Sir Alex Ferguson has refused to write off Chelsea in this season's title race. As statements go, it's about as adventurous as his Manchester United team have been this season, which is not very. He also thinks Arsenal have played well, so far.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_united/article2552215.ece

FORSSELL BLUES
This is likely to be the only time Mikael Forssell is compared to Michael Owen, but sadly it's because of injury. The Birmingham City forward, who finally looked to be back to his best after three unfortunate years of injuries, needs a hernia operation and will be out for a month.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/birmingham/article2550471.ece

PLAYING FOR KEEPS
Big Sam has given himself a goalkeeping headache. After Shay Given won the man of the match award for his display against Arsenal in the Carling Cup, the Newcastle United manager is worried the Ireland keeper will throw his toys out of the pram if he is dropped for Steve Harper.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/newcastle/article2547167.ece

PREMIER LEAGUE PREVIEWS
Mark Viduka is back for Newcastle United, Owen Hargreaves could feature for Manchester United, Didier Drogba returns for Chelsea, while Roy Keane has fresh problems at Sunderland. All the latest news, as it's released.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2537229.ece

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If you've got another couple of minutes

CUT-PRICE SPURS
Tottenham fans may be wondering why their shares are stuck at a lowly 135p each when Arsenal's are going for an astonishing £10,200 apiece. That works out at roughly 7,400 times more than shares in Spurs - or about half the price of a week's maintenance charges on one of those Highbury apartments. After a quick chat with our betters on the business desk, we were disappointed to discover there's a (relatively) simple explanation. Spurs have issued a lot of shares, whereas Arsenal haven't. As a result, Arsenal's are worth more. And we thought it was just because Martin Jol was a rubbish manager.

SHORT-SIGHTED WENGER
Still, Arsene Wenger - cue obligatory mention of degree in economics and careful deployment of words such as urbane, erudite and French - is right to be worried about the "soul" of football. He said today that he's worried about big business and the way that some clubs are mortgaged up to their eyeballs. "The biggest threat to English clubs is that people buy clubs by loaning money from banks," he said. "This is what the Glazer family did with Manchester United."
Funnily enough, he didn't mention that Arsenal owe £260 million, borrowed to pay for the Emirates Stadium, or that Alisher Usmanov is stockpiling shares like an, err, arsenal. Is it another case of Wenger's famously selective eyesight?

SHUSHBALL
Arsenal may have left the Highbury library, but it seems North Londoners still prefer their football to be played in the deferential silence of a reading room. Referees at a five-a-side league in Camden have been joined by noise marshals after residents complained to the council about the din. Officials have been issued with "low-velocity whistles" and players at the league in Chalk Farm have been warned that they shouldn't raise their voices.

 

JUSTICE FOR 'LITTLE SEAL'
Ahead of the Game is pleased to see that the authorities are taking a firm line on seal clubbing. The defender who brought Kerlon, the Cruzerio forward famed for his seal dribble, to a violent halt has been banned for 120 days. Coelho, the Atletico Mineiro hatchet man, sparked a brawl when he walloped the cheeky teenager. He has promised to appeal because, and we paraphrase, he thinks the cocky little forward got what was coming to him. The Mineiro coach accused "Foquinha" (or the Little Seal) of breaking an unwritten code of ethics. Here's the incident in question: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBXv5FISzjg
And here's a clip of a real seal in action (not sure why): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0z2JyMssSo

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4
Number of Arsenal old boys who could feature for West Ham United tomorrow. Freddie Ljungberg, Matthew Upson, Richard Wright and Luis Boa Morte.
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A quickie before you go, sir?

IT'S JUST LIKE WATCHING BRAZIL
When it comes to the women's World Cup, Ahead of the Game has been accused of being more chauvinistic than a Jim Davidson TV appearance, more bigoted than a Slovakian football crowd and more old-fashioned than a 3pm Saturday afternoon kick-off. All of which is true. But on this occasion we've had to take off those sepia-tinted glasses and doff our flat cap to Brazil's women. These highlights of the 4-0 semi-final victory over USA show that the beautiful game (and no, it wasn't meant like that) lives on.
http://www.fifa.com/womenworldcup/video/videolist.html

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>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
BEER-BAITING - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) The Jeremy Kyle Show was accused of sinking to a new low yesterday after supplying an alcoholic with LAGER. 2) The show, which taunts its guests more than Robbie Savage winds up opponents, has been criticised by a judge for being similar to bear-baiting, hence the nifty pun in the headline. 3) The BBC says it was OK to hand out the booze because it was medicinal, but that doesn't wash with us - not even party-king Adriano would try to get away with that.
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In TheGame

Walter Gammie , our non-league expert, explains why he's interested in Debenham - and it's got nothing to do with cheap suits and the cut-price department store.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/minnows-relishi.html
In TheGame Podcast , Thierry Henry talks to Guillem Balague about the rise and rise of Cesc Fabregas. Matt Dickinson, Alyson Rudd and Bill Edgar join Gabriele Marcotti and the gang.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/audio_video/podcasts/thegame/article2520529.ece
Martin Samuel kicked up a storm when he had the temerity to ask whether Chelsea are really a big club. He answers his bulging postbag in TheGame debate .
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/the-debate-ma-2.html
In Fanzine Fanzone , our Spurs man says it's no wonder that Martin Jol is not so jolly at the moment, while our Chelsea fan has been trying to get in contact with Roman Abramovich for a bit of a chat...
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/

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>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Drogba in U-turn - Daily Express
* You butchers! Rafa fears for his new star Torres - Daily Mail
* Gunners Red October: Usmanov ups his stake - Daily Mirror
* Revealed: the real reason why Mourinho left Chelsea - The Independent
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Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

Fantastic. I sit next to a Villa fan and have just given him a picture of Curtis "mine's a pint of Courage" Davies and a Gola kitbag containing an ill-fitting Villa shirt, a pair of mouldy unwashed boots and a pair of shinpads. And there goes any hope of silverware at Aston Villa for another year, priceless!
Steve from Buckinghamshire on the plight of Curtis Davies after the Aston Villa defender compared himself to a pub player yesterday

Sometimes you just say it better than we do, which is why we've dedicated a small corner of this e-mail to your views and boos. Send your opinions to sport@timesonline.co.uk

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Tomorrow's news today

- The Fink Tank reports from the football laboratory
- Previews for all the Premier League and Fizzy-Pop matches

 

And expect...

Andriy Shevchenko to celebrate his 31st birthday tomorrow by scoring the winner against Fulham - and dedicating it to Jose Mourinho and all the boys. Yeah, right...

 

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling, but without the hassle or the money. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

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Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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Ahead of the Game: Mob Justice For Chelsea

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

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Thursday, September 27, 2007. 1600 BST
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The news in 60 seconds

MOB JUSTICE FOR CHELSEA
The FA is cracking down on Chelsea's mob-handed approach to referees. They've charged the club for failing to control their players after they went berserk when John Obi Mikel was sent off at Old Trafford. Steve Clarke has been charged with using nasty words but the club will contest the charges.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2544153.ece

UEFA GRANT EXEMPTION
Things are getting back to normal for The Normal One. Uefa will allow Avram Grant to take his place on the bench for Chelsea's next Champions League match, despite not holding those pesky coaching badges. And they beat Hull - just when we were all enjoying their blues.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2544888.ece

COMRADE PLATINI SNUBS G14
Uefa revolutionary Michel Platini is more of a left-winger now than he ever was as a player. The bolshy president has said he does not recognise G14 - so named because it represents the 18 biggest clubs in Europe, obviously - as an entity. Comrade Platini, we salute you.
http://timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2545065.ece

SHEARER BACKS OWEN
Alan Shearer, who used the operating theatre like most people use Elastoplast, thinks that Michael Owen will be back sooner than expected. Shearer had the hernia operation that St Michael needs and says he could be up and running 11 days after going under the knife.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/euro_2008/article2543686.ece

NEVER FEAR, JOLLY IS HERE
Tottenham fans can sleep easy, Martin Jol is coming to their rescue like a super hero on a bad hair day. "They say in Holland, 'Have no fear, Jolly is here,'" Super Jol said yesterday. The delusions don't stop there: he now says sacking him would put the club back years. All the way back to when they were an underachieving Premier League club hoping for a decent cup run?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/tottenham/article2543577.ece

BECKHAM AT DAD'S BEDSIDE
David Beckham arrived in Heathrow at noon after flying in from LA to be at his father's bedside. Ted Beckham was rushed to hospital last night after suffering a heart attack and is in a serious condition.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2541962.ece

VIALLI IN DENIAL
Gianluca Vialli is not after John Gregory's job at QPR. Luca was at Loftus Road last weekend but claims he was only there because he is a friend of Flavio Briatore. He also said he enjoyed the experience, which isn't the same as enjoying the football.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/football_league/article2540028.ece

A FLABBERGASTING NIGHT
Red-faced Fergie furious after Mosquito bite, Chelsea produce a special performance after going to Hull and back, Jol gets a substitution right, Sanchez goes ballistic and Leicester turn tables on O'Neill. All the reports from last night's Carling Cup action.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/

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If you've got another couple of minutes

NAT BLING COLE AND MARIAH CAREY
At least someone in the Cole family can sing, and no - it's not Cheryl. Mariah Carey has discovered that she is a distant relative of Ashley. The overrated prima donna (the singer, that is) had hoped to find out whether she was related to Nat King Cole, but instead unearthed ancestral links with the former Arsenal diva, Nat Bling Cole.
Cashley, whose recent performances for Chelsea have gone down about as well as a preview showing of Glitter, is said to be delighted at the link. "He's always been a big fan of Mariah's, and grew up listening to jazz legends like Nat King Cole," a source said.
The happy family will have plenty to talk about: Girls Aloud's latest single, public relations disasters and fat contracts they failed to justify.

DAVIES IS 'PUB PLAYER'
Curtis Davies has made a forgettable debut one to remember. His performance on the pitch in Aston Villa's 1-0 defeat by Leicester City may have been shameful but there was nothing wrong with his punditry skills. "I was just awful," he said. "I didn't contribute anything. I've been bigging myself up, saying I'm ready and obviously I'm not. I'm not good enough to get in the team yet. I'm honest with myself in every performance and that was rubbish - I looked like a pub team player." It certainly beats any sentence that includes "giving 110 per cent", "gaffer" and "working hard in training".
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/aston_villa/article2543127.ece

SICK AS A PIG
Birmingham City chairman David Gold has said that comments made about him by an Aston Villa director were "distasteful". Gold, who used to own the Daily Sport and whose present portfolio includes "passion and fashion" retail outlet Ann Summers, should know all about that, judging by some of those gaudy outfits. General Charles Krulak had said that Gold was like a "pig in mud" in an unprovoked attack after a row about ticket prices. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2540179.ece

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£7,102.73
Cost of a Uefa Pro Licence
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A quickie before you go, sir?

THE NEXT MOTTY?
This Arsenal fan says there is only one word to describe Arsenal's performance against Newcastle: "speechless". So why does it take him 5min 55sec to say it? And why does he sound like Greg Rusedski? And why are the funniest things the ones that aren't meant to be? So many questions ... so little reason to ask them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ED3tRbdHhR8

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>>>>>THE CHELSEA SCANDAL<<<<<
Rom: I ate Jose! - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) Roman Abramovich has made a meal out of Jose Mourinho - by saying he is like the nosh in his new restaurant. 2) The Chelsea boss said: "Jose is like any dish in my restaurant. You like it or not, but it doesn't stay on the table for long." 3) The graphics department has done a tasty little montage with Roman holding his cutlery before tucking into a plate of Jose a l'orange. 4) We reckon Jose may want some afters.
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In TheGame

In TheGame Podcast , Thierry Henry talks to Guillem Balague about why Cesc Fabregas is more like a 30-year-old man than a teenager on the rampage, while he admits he is still struggling to fight off those paparazzi. Alyson Rudd says that Roman Abramovich's decision to get his hands dirty at Chelsea is a sign of a mid-life crisis, while Gabriele Marcotti says that Jose Mourinho got what was coming to him. Matt Dickinson joins Bill Edgar and the gang.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/audio_video/podcasts/thegame/article2520529.ece
Martin Samuel on why there's no shame in being a West Ham fan (and he answers your comments) in TheGame debate .
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/the-debate-ma-2.html
Tony Evans on why Arsenal embody all that is bad about the "greed is good league".
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/the-vulgar-trut.html
In Fanzine Fanzone, our Derby man was brought to earth with a bump after watching Arsenal play football from a galaxy far, far away. Elsewhere, our Chelsea fan wants Roman Abramovich to sign Batman...
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/

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>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Chelsea ease pressure on Grant - Daily Telegraph
* Flabbergasted Fergie sunk by Mifsud - Daily Mirror
* Fergie's fury - Daily Mail
* Roman turns to Hiddink - Daily Express
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Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

"It would be a mistake to sack me," says Martin Jol... It would be the best decision Levy ever made!!! Jol is a conman who fails to deliver with a very talented squad. Sack him now Levy - don't give this idiot any more time our money and give Hughton the road with him.
Joseph from North London is losing patience

I was hoping Michael Owen didn't need surgery, but now I see it was just a hope. I expect him to become strong and this period of time to pass qiuckly ,because everyone needs michael owen. I truely hope this is the last injury in his career, he already had enough.
Flaka is feeling for the little guy

Send your opinions to sport@timesonline.co.uk

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Tomorrow's news today

- Terry revels in new beginning
- Ashton pushes himself forward for England job
- Jol explains why he subbed Defoe

And expect...

Curtis Davies to turn out for the Swan & Mitre and Nat Bling Cole to release a duet with Mariah Carey. They could call it Money For Nothing. Just an idea.

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling, but without the hassle or the money. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

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Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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If you no longer wish to receive this e-mail, please click here to unsubscribe (you must be logged in to do so). If you wish to contact our Customer Services team, please send an e-mail to info@newsint.co.uk, or if you wish to speak to a Customer Services representative,  please call 0207 860 1133.

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Times Newspapers Ltd is a member of the Direct Marketing Association and registered under the Data Protection Act 1998. To see our privacy policy, click here.

Ahead of the Game: Owen's Tender Loving Care

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

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Wednesday, September 26, 2007. 1600 BST
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The news in 60 seconds

OWEN'S TENDER LOVING CARE
Sam Allardyce says he won't take any risks with his Northern Crock. Michael Owen is expected to have surgery on his hernia and the Newcastle manager is refusing to rush him back. He says that he'll put Newcastle first, not England.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/newcastle/article2538334.ece

... BUT ENGLAND CAN COPE
Michael Owen may be out of the Euro 2008 qualifiers with that injury, but Martin Samuel says things aren't as bad as they seem. He says that the other Owen - Hargreaves - will be more important against Russia.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/columnists/martin_samuel/article2532429.ece

GRANT'S ULTIMATUM
Avram Grant has told the Chelsea players to back him or leave. The Normal One sat the players down for one-on-one chats and told them to return their platinum cards or get on with it. John Terry, who picks up about £500,000 a month, was one of the first players to offer his support.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2532679.ece

BALLACK ON MEND
Speaking of underperforming players with a licence to print their own money, Michael Ballack hopes to be fit in a few weeks' time. The midfield player is 31 today: we hope he got everything he wanted. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2538017.ece

UNITED TICKET RIP-OFF
Manchester United season ticket-holders are up in arms about a scheme that means they have to pay for Carling Cup tickets even if they don't want to go. A spokesman said: "Three quarters of our season ticket-holders were already signed up voluntarily." So why make it compulsory?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_united/article2532590.ece

THE NEXT ZIDANE
Adel Taarabt has been given the kiss of death. Like Steed Malbranque and Bruno Cheyrou before him, he's been dubbed the next Zinedine Zidane. The Tottenham player is confident he can live up to the big billing and fans are expected to get a glimpse of the 18-year-old against Middlesbrough in the Carling Cup this evening.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/tottenham/article2532433.ece

TORRES BENCHMARK
Considering that Fernando Torres terrorises defenders the way that Dirk Kuyt scares small children, he must wonder what he has to do to earn a starting place for Liverpool. After his hat-trick against Reading, Rafael Benitez said: "If he is not injured and if he keeps training well, maybe he will start the game against Wigan." That would seem sensible.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2533163.ece

MATCH OF THE CENTURY...
.. well, it's only seven years old. The PFA has announced its plan to hold an all-star game featuring legends such as Alan Shearer, Gianfranco Zola, David Ginola and ... Niall Quinn.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2537051.ece

CARLING CUP PREVIEWS
Curtis Davies is poised to make his debut for Aston Villa, Blackburn Rovers are without Ryan Nelson and Manchester United are threatening to unleash Wayne Rooney on Iain Dowie which would be some site.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2521748.ece

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>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame, the most exciting thing on the net (since the LTA clamped down on Bebo)
* It's free and you can still enter
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If you've got another couple of minutes

SPURS' JOKE STATEMENT
It's a statement that could come back to haunt Tottenham as much as Ricky Gervais's sadly insincere avowal that he would rather give up comedy than become mainstream. "Normally we only have to remind fans to ignore speculation during transfers windows, and we do that in the best interests of our playing staff and our supporters," the club pompously announced on their website. "Given the level of speculation about Martin and his position at the Club, we feel it is necessary to do the same thing now."
As if it wasn't annoying enough that they capped up the word club - it's a bit like writing He when talking about God or Daniel Levy - the bunkum statement goes on to say that "much of the speculation" has been inaccurate and that they have not agreed a compensation package with Martin Jol.
So why does everyone think they have? Probably because some of the speculation - like the courting of Juande Ramos and Jose Mourinho and the fact that the club are planning to get rid of him - hasn't been inaccurate. Interestingly, they are three things He didn't deny.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/tottenham/article2532434.ece

CHELSEA DENIAL
It's a good day for denials. Chelsea have refuted reports in today's papers that the club offered the manager's job to "any individual other than Avram Grant" (they mean Marco van Basten, as reported in The Sun) or that team plans were changed because of player protests (as was alleged by the Daily Mail). They've threatened legal action over the stories.

CHEEKY KLINSMANN
Jurgen Klinsmann gave an interview today saying that he wants to come back to work after his self-imposed exile in America. Good news for journalists, but bad news for Martin Jol and Avram Grant.

FERGUSON'S CHEAP SHOT
If reports from several respected media outlets are to be believed, Manchester United are kicking up a stink about the appointment of Avram Grant because the new Chelsea manager doesn't have his GCSE in football management. Sir Alex Ferguson is a swot when it comes to other people's exams and also made his objections known when Gareth Southgate and Glenn Roeder applied for an exemption. So why does Ahead of the Game think it's funny? Because for some reason Ferguson is less keen on doing his own exams: he holds only an "honorary" Uefa Pro Licence. What happened to education for education's sake?

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13
Goals scored by Liverpool in their past four domestic matches with Fernando Torres in the starting line-up. Without him they failed to score against Birmingham and Portsmouth. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A quickie before you go, sir?

ADEL DO NICELY
He may have been dubbed the next Zizou, but Adel Taarabt's stepovers are as bad as any since Freddie Ljungberg. Here's the Tottenham whiz kid in action.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwgP6bmvESY

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>>>>>THE TABLOID FASHION SCANDAL<<<<<
Victoria's new look: Nazi officer chic - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) Victoria Beckham looks more scary than posh after dressing up in a bizarre Nazi-style dominatrix costume. 2) She's like Herr Flick from 'Allo 'Allo in her tight black trousers, black leather hat and grey buttoned jacket - but without the camp sex appeal. 3) Apparently she was promoting her new album, but we think she just wanted to spice up her life.
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In TheGame

Martin Samuel 's contention that Chelsea aren't a big club got almost as many responses as the club sold tickets for their Champions League match against Rosenborg. Our Chief Football Correspondent answers your comments - including the one questioning his impartiality as a West Ham fan.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/the-debate-ma-2.html
In TheGame Podcast , Thierry Henry talks to Guillem Balague about the rise of Cesc Fabregas and the fall of Ronaldinho. He also talks about the difficulty of keeping the overcommitted Spanish press out of his bedroom. Gabriele Marcotti says that if Jose Mourinho was running his restaurant and serving up bland fare like the stuff on offer at Stamford Bridge, he'd have been sacked. Matt Dickinson joins Bill Edgar, Alyson Rudd and the gang.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/audio_video/podcasts/thegame/article2520529.ece
Tony Evans says that Peter Hill-Wood's boasts were vulgar - and not because of his fruity language. He says Arsenal's profits are proof that the Premier League is indeed the "greed is good league".
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/the-vulgar-trut.html
Tom Dart says that the PFA's plan to host a match of the century should go down as one of the most boring ideas of the century. He's dreading the sight of more football legends tarnishing their reputations.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/help-the-aged-f.html
In Fanzine Fanzone , our Chelsea man wants Roman Abramovich to sign Batman, Wyart Lane, from My Eyes Have Seen The Glory, thinks the board are biting off more than they can chew, while Paul Farrington, our Wigan fan, thanks a referee for leaving his ego in the dressing-room.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/

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>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Chelsea stars defy Grant over Hull travel order - Daily Mail
* No kidding: Wenger backs latest batch of babes to win on FOUR fronts - Daily Mirror
* Rom offers Van Basten the job - The Sun
* England must face crucial Euro qualifiers without Owen - The Independent
* Owen blow for England - Daily Telegraph
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Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

Does it matter how big you are or how many fans you've got, as long as you're successful? I don't think so... Oh, and by the way, no, they're not.
Steve from London can't resist putting the boot into Chelsea

For Chelsea, read Hearts; for Abramovich read Romanov. Look at the Scottish experience of a megalomaniac Russian (yes I know Romanov is Lithuanian, but you get the point) and read the future for Chelski.
Ralph Thackray makes a worrying prediction for Chelsea fans

Sometimes you just say it better than we do, which is why we've dedicated a small corner of this e-mail to your views and boos. Feel free to send us your opinions to sport@timesonline.co.uk

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow's news today

- Crouch sympathises with Torres over rotation
- Bentley bemused by boo boys
- All the action from the Carling Cup

And expect...

Tottenham and Chelsea to issue a joint statement denying they have offered Jurgen Klinsmann a job

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling, but without the hassle or the money. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

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Ahead of the Game: Mikel Appeal Fails

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, September 25, 2007. 1600 BST
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The news in 60 seconds

MIKEL APPEAL FAILS
John Terry's week goes from bad to worse. As if costing his manager his job was not enough - it's only a joke JT, call off the lawyers - the Chelsea and England skipper is facing an FA rap for trying to grab the referee's card during the defeat by Manchester United. John Obi Mikel's appeal has failed as well, meaning Terry is probably storming off to harangue the official as you read this.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2529959.ece

MOURINHO IS CRY BABY
Reach for the Kleenex. First Didier Drogba claims he is "depressed" about losing his manager, now Jose Mourinho admits to shedding a tear too. He wants everyone to know that he's still the Special One and that he cried when he left the club. Diddums.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2527897.ece

DEFOE RECALL SHOCK!
Jermain Defoe could be in line for a Tottenham recall against Middlesbrough tomorrow, which can mean only one thing: it's Carling Cup week. Martin Jol has promised to field a "strong team".
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/tottenham/article2530747.ece

LOONEY ROONEY
Wayne Rooney is so desperate for a game in the Carling Cup tomorrow that he's been driving Sir Alex Ferguson mad. "He wants to play, he wants to be the captain, he wants to take the penalties, the corners, the free kicks, the goal kicks, the lot," Ferguson said. What about throw-ins?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_united/article2529576.ece

JOL'S DAYS ARE NUMBERED
It's the most talked about exit strategy since Afghanistan. Tottenham are ready to cut their losses with Martin Jol and risk the collateral damage. Senior directors met yesterday to discuss how to do it and the manager is seeking legal advice.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/tottenham/article2525615.ece

NEWCASTLE ARE THE NEW BOLTON
Big Sam has finally admitted what we've been saying all along. He wants Newcastle United to play like Bolton Wanderers. He says it's for one night only as he tries to put the wind up Arsenal, but anyone who has watched them this season can confirm that's a fib.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2525621.ece

CAREW OUT FOR SIX WEEKS
Martin O'Neill will be forced to throw a lumbering, non-scoring striker into the fray after one of his other goal-shy forwards was ruled out for six weeks. Aston Villa's John Carew has suffered knee ligament damage, meaning that Marlon Harewood, the poor man's Heskey, is likely to get his chance.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/aston_villa/article2528614.ece

BENITEZ BLAMES ENGLAND
Liverpool are playing badly because Steven Gerrard played twice for England, according to Rafa Benitez. It's got nothing to do with the manager's decision to leave a £23.5million centre forward on the bench or his disorientating rotation policy. Gerrard won't get the blame tonight because he's being rested for the Carling Cup.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2525632.ece

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>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
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If you've got another couple of minutes

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ARSENAL?
Peter Hill-Wood couldn't have sounded more smug if he had dressed up in a grey coat yesterday and danced around the Emirates Stadium declaring: "I am the Special One."
"Money is irrelevant to history and how big your club is," the Arsenal chairman guffawed yesterday, before launching an attack on the "fantasy" and "bull****" behind Chelsea's plans for world domination. With £200 million coming through the tills each year and Arsenal top of the league, Ahead of the Game would need a pin the size of a corner flag to burst the chairman's bubble, so it won't try.
But when Arsenal's next generation of stars take to the field against Newcastle United in the Carling Cup this evening, spare a thought for Steve McClaren. His bubble has already burst. Wenger's 16-man squad is so inexperienced that it contains only three genuine first-team players - Eduardo, Abou Diaby and Philippe Senderos - and yet there will be only three English players. One of them, Theo Walcott, cost a small fortune but has yet to make a place his own, while another, Justin Hoyte, has played more matches on loan than he has in four years for Arsenal.
It may not worry Hill-Wood when Fran Merida - "the next Fabregas" - is running rings around Alan Smith, but it should scare the rest of us. Because while Arsenal are good for the Premier League, it doesn't mean they are good for the English game. Just ask Steve Sidwell and Jermaine Pennant.

MARADONA STILL DIVIDES OPINION
England will get to renew their loathe/hate relationship with Diego Maradona when he comes to Villa Park next month. Terry Butcher says that he'd "rather gnaw my own arm off than share a pitch with the cheating little s***". Matt Dickinson has the story. If nothing else, it's a good excuse to dust down those clips of the Hand of God (again).
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/maradonas-comin.html

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386
The combined total of the Arsenal squad numbers for squad for this evening's Carling Cup match.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A quickie before you go, sir?

THIERRY HENRY ON THEGAME PODCAST
Thierry Henry has been talking to Guillem Balague about his new life in Barcelona. Mr Charisma talks about playing with Ronaldinho and gives the inside line on Cesc Fabregas, his heir to the title of fans' favourite at Arsenal. He says the midfield star has what it takes to turn Arsenal's potential into trophies.
The team are also joined by Matt Dickinson, the first man to speak to Jose Mourinho after his exit from Chelsea. He explains how he tracked the fugitive manager down - and offers some hints to the Americans if they want to find Osama Bin Laden. Bill Edgar and Alyson Rudd join the gang.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/audio_video/podcasts/thegame/article2520529.ece

FOOTBALL - BENNY HILL-STYLE
If Benny Hill did the choreography for goalmouth scrambles, they would be like this, only with funnier music. More missed chances than an Arsenal match.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UItqWiBEol0&feature=dir

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* You'll miss me: Mourinho's parting shot - Daily Express
* Owen operation scare for England - Daily Telegraph
* England woe as Owen faces a month out - The Guardian
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In TheGame

Martin Samuel 's contention that Chelsea aren't a big club even drew the support of the Arsenal chairman yesterday, although Peter Hill-Wood hasn't posted on the website. Do you agree: have Chelsea got no history?
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/the-debate-are-.html
Our man from Chelsea wants to know if Roman Abramovich is reading Fanzine Fanzone. He tells him that Chelsea fans don't want Kaka, Ronaldinho or Fabregas - they just want Batman (or some peace and quiet). Wyart Lane, from My Eyes Have Seen The Glory, also has a warning for his club's board: leave Jose alone if you can't even handle Jol. Paul Farrington, our Wigan man, has achieved a first: he's praised a referee.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/
Tom Dart is fretting about the plight of lower league clubs after Norwich City announced profits of only £100,000 - and that was with an £8.4 million parachute payment. That's something for Delia to chew on.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/up-the-creek-wi.html
Down to ten men, 5-1 behind and with only half an hour left - is this the greatest comeback ever ? How Charlton Athletic turned the tables on Huddersfield Town.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/the-greatest-ev.html

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
Warne caught out by sex txt - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) Cricket bad boy Shane Warne has been getting in a mess with his googlies again. 2) His missus caught the text pest cheating when he sent her a message meant for his lover, inviting her to sneak in through the back door. 3) We're not sure whether he scored, but at least his wife can pick a wrong 'un - she's gone back to Australia.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

As with Jose Mourinho, it is the chairman's right to hire and fire who he wants. There are ways and means though - Mr Levy has to take a huge amount of any blame for Spurs not achieving this year if they do not finish better than last season, in the same way as messrs Abramovich (and particularly) Kenyon down at the Bridge will have to should results not meet their plans of world domination.
Jeremy from Farnham

When The Emirates contract expires it should be re-named The Wenger Stadium because in truth that is what it is.
Paul Underwood from Middlesex

Sometimes you just say it better than we do, which is why we've dedicated a small corner of this e-mail to your views and boos. Feel free to send us your opinions to sport@timesonline.co.uk

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow's news today

- Avram Grant prepares to take on the might of Hull
- All the reports from the Carling Cup
- Will Owen have to go under the knife again?
- Martin Samuel: why England can cope without Heskey and Owen

And expect...

Leroy Lita to score against Liverpool and send a recording of the magic moment to all his friends.

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling, but without the hassle or the money. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

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Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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Ahead of the Game: Wenger's War Chest

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, September 24, 2007. 1600 BST
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The news in 60 seconds

WENGER'S WAR CHEST
Arsene Wenger will be given £70 million to spend on players after Arsenal announced a huge increase in turnover. The club, who brought in more than £200 million last year, are second only to Real Madrid in terms of turnover. Who needs an Uzbek billionaire?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/arsenal/article2520179.ece

THIERRY HENRY INTERVIEW
After Emmanuel Adebayor's hat-trick on Saturday, Thierry Henry is probably missing Arsenal more than the North London club are missing him. The Barcelona forward talks exclusively to Guillem Balague and TheGame Podcast about swapping North London for Spain and the rise and rise of Cesc Fabregas. Online from 5pm.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/audio_video/podcasts/thegame/article2520529.ece

DESPERATE SOUTHGATE
Gareth Southgate has admitted to suffering sleepless nights as he tries to solve Middlesbrough's injury crisis. Julio Arca has been ruled out for two months after suffering a knee injury while Tuncay Sanli and Mido, the forwards, have joined Jeremie Aliadiere on the treatment table.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/middlesbrough/article2523311.ece

AGBONLAHOR WANTS CALL-UP
Gabriel Agbonlahor is hoping to earn a call-up to the full England squad after another impressive performance for Aston Villa. The forward wants to follow the examples of Gareth Barry and Ashley Young, so let's hope he keeps his mobile phone on this time.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/aston_villa/article2523342.ece

NEW MANAGER, OLD HABITS
Jose Mourinho may have left Stamford Bridge, but his successor has started where the Special One left off - by blaming the referee. After the defeat by Manchester United, Avram Grant said: "If the referee was normal, the result would be different."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2518208.ece

OWEN FACES SECOND SCAN
Michael Owen may face surgery after he was pulled off early for the second game in succession. The Newcastle United forward will have another scan on his groin injury and he could miss England's Euro 2008 qualifiers next month. Gulp.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2517901.ece

JOL ON DODGY GROUND
Martin Jol has explained the decision to leave Jermain Defoe out of the squad to face Bolton by saying he picked Gareth Bale instead because he's "someone that even if you leave out as the seventeenth man, he's still a joy to have around". The only thing less convincing was Jol's protestation that Daniel Levy is backing him.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2518158.ece

BITTER BLOW FOR BIRMINGHAM
An unlucky 13 minutes for Borja Oubina. The Birmingham City midfield player, on loan from Celta Vigo, will be out for at least six months after a scan confirmed he damaged a cruciate ligament just minutes into his debut against Liverpool on Saturday. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2522861.ece

CARLING CUP PREVIEWS
Michael Owen is just one of many worries for Newcastle before their Carling Cup match with Arsenal tomorrow, while 'Arry Redknapp is set to ring the changes for Portsmouth's match against Burnley. No prizes for guessing that Rafa is planning to rotate the Liverpool side.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2521748.ece

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>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
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If you've got another couple of minutes

CHELSEA HAVE GOT NO HISTORY
It seems like Martin Samuel has prodded a hornet's nest in his debate this week. Our Chief Football Correspondent contends that Chelsea are not a big club, at least compared to Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspur. It's fair to say that it's stirred up a fierce debate. http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/the-debate-are-.html

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£34,444
The amount of money Arsenal pick up for every minute played at the Emirates Stadium. They pull in about £3.1 million every match.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A quickie before you go, sir?

ACTION REPLAY
Catch up on all the big debating points from the weekend's Premier League action. John Obi Mikel's dodgy sending off, Arsenal's five-star display and Manchester City's six-goal thriller with Fulham. We've even tried to find some highlights from Liverpool's dire draw with Birmingham City. All the action, free of charge.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2236741.ece

HOW TO STOP THE 'SEAL'
Gabriele Marcotti says that if you haven't seen Kerlon, the 19-year-old Cruzeiro striker who has been dubbed the "Little Seal" because of his unique juggling skills, you are either living under a rock or over the age of 30. Dribbling the ball down the touchline like he's just escaped from a sea life park, it's easy to see why defenders are using equally unconventional methods of stopping Kerlon. And no, they haven't been clubbing him to a halt. Here's another chance to see him in action. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYlqql38XkY&mode=related&search=

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* The Caretaker One: Chelsea supporters turn on Grant - Daily Telegraph
* Jose could not do it any better: Jol insists he's Special One - Daily Mirror
* Roman ruin: Tevez wrecks Grant's big day - Daily Mail
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In TheGame

In Fanzine Fanzone, our Chelsea man has this to say about Avram Grant's new era: Bland. Unimaginative. One-dimensional. Dull. And that's only in the introduction. Elsewhere, Gareth Harrison, our Newcastle man, says it's time to call off the dogs: the panic is over at St James' Park. Ric from Man City talks about the "sweet and pleasant hooligan" that is Joey Barton.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/
Arjan de Zeeuw has been lauded by Tony Blair, he's a successful footballer and he's halfway to becoming a doctor. So why isn't he more arrogant? He reveals all to QA
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/qa-arjan-de-zee.html
The £23.5 million question. Rafa Benitez's decision to leave summer signing Fernando Torres on the bench has left Tony Evans scratching his head - so what do the club's directors think?
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/rested-torres-i.html
Alan Carr explains why he can't feel sorry for the Special One and his fate at the hands of the playground bullies as he gives his unique take on the weekend's action with his topical barometer.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/alan-carrs-to-3.html
Bill Edgar on why you shouldn't cheer if your team scores first against Fulham as he looks at the weekend's numerical oddities.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/the-weekend-i-2.html

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL <<<<<
So low, Lita - News of the World
What you need to know: 1) Football star Leroy Lita played dirty when he filmed himself getting it on with a mystery girl. 2) The Reading forward obviously thought he was giving a man-of-the-match performance because he sent the sordid video to team-mates. 3) The film lasts only one minute 53 seconds, which is nearly as much as he's played all season.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

Chelsea should have had two players sent off and United should have had two penalties, so Chelsea should count themselves lucky rather than moan about the ref doing United a load of favours.
Fergus Sira-Lexon from London tries to even the balance

It's true that a 5-0 win over Derby isn't anything to get too excited about, but were it not for Lehmann's howler at Blackburn, Arsenal would have a 100 per cent start. The difference this year as opposed to last is that we're beating the smaller teams comfortably.
Rob Franklin from Mumbai thinks Arsenal are ready to challenge for the title

Sometimes you just say it better than we do, which is why we've dedicated a small corner of this e-mail to your views and boos. Feel free to send us your opinions on anything from why Gareth Bale is such joyous company to how Arsene Wenger should spend all that money. sport@timesonline.co.uk

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow's news today

- Quids in: Arsenal setting pace in rich league
- Owen and McClaren await results of scan

And expect...

Expect Martin Jol to name Chris Hughton in the squad for Tottenham's next match. He's a very nice man, you know.

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling, but without the hassle or the money. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

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Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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Ahead of the Game: Mourinho - Give Us A Job

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday, September 21, 2007. 1600 BST
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mourinho in 30 seconds

MOURINHO - GIVE US A JOB
Jose Mourinho has told The Times that he is going to sit back and "wait for the telephone calls" after his dismissal. The manager has agreed a £12 million payoff with the club, so it's no wonder he talked about his "never-ending love story" with the club.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2501006.ece

FERGIE'S DRINKING BUDDY
Sir Alex Ferguson has lamented shelling out on a decent bottle of red after his drinking buddy's departure from Chelsea. Fergie said he does not know what to do with the plonk, although we're prepared to bet you a bunch of burst capillaries he finds an answer. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2504019.ece

PRAISE FOR SPECIAL ONE
It seems that everyone except Roman Abramovich and Andriy Shevchenko is upset about the Special One's departure. Arsene Wenger is a little bit sad, Roy Keane says he raised the bar and Fergie says he was a breath of fresh air.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2504977.ece

WORD TO THE WISE
Matt Dickinson interrupted Mourinho's lunch in Chelsea Harbour yesterday, where the Special One claimed he didn't know what "mutual consent" meant - he mischievously told our Chief Sports Correspondent to look it up in a dictionary. Well, we did just that and in the Ahead of the Game dictionary it says: "Skulking off in a sulk with several million to soften the blow."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2500631.ece

GRANT'S PEDIGREE AND CHUMS
Martin Samuel says that September 20, 2007 will be remembered as the day that Chelsea went from being a football club to a rich man's plaything. Avram Grant has no qualifications for the job apart from his friendship with Abramovich - and he will need more than that on Sunday.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2500624.ece

LOADS OF MONEY
Jose Mourinho's payoff at Stamford Bridge is so big it makes it look as though Sven-Goran Eriksson was short-changed. It's the biggest settlement yet for a manager in Britain, dwarfing the amount Martin Jol and Sammy Lee will no doubt be offered in a couple of weeks' time.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2500636.ece

JOSE'S STAR QUALITY
Simon Barnes says that the players under Jose Mourinho were like actors in a film by Alfred Hitchcock - cattle. The Special One certainly looked like a film star but it's a bit harsh on his supporting cast.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/columnists/simon_barnes/article2500633.ece

The other news in 30 seconds

USMANOV RAISES STAKES
Alisher Usmanov, the Uzbek billionaire who is the second biggest Arsenal shareholder with 21 per cent, has told the Russian media that he wants to up his stake to 25 per cent. He's sounded an ominous note by saying he wants a "blocking share", which would mean the club couldn't do what it wanted without him.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/arsenal/article2505257.ece

RIDSDALE OFFERS TO QUIT
Everyone reach for your hankies. Peter Ridsdale has offered to stand down as chairman of Cardiff City because he can't take the abuse. "I am getting more stick for saving Cardiff City than I did when things went wrong at Leeds," he said, forgetting that he still gets stick for what he did at Leeds.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/football_league/article2506136.ece

BOOTHROYD'S MANTRA
Aidy Boothroyd has been reading those manage-your-way-to-the-top manuals as he tells his players: "When you're strong, it's about finding 'the inner winner'." Read our Championship round-up.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/football_league/article2505634.ece

PREMIER LEAGUE PREVIEWS
Tomas Rosicky has been ruled out of Arsenal's match against Derby County with a hamstring strain, Stephen Ireland could return for Manchester City and Liverpool are without Daniel Agger and Xabi Alonso. Keep up to date with all the team news as it is released.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2503139.ece

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame, more authentic than a Blue Peter poll
* It's free and you can still enter
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
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If you've got another couple of minutes

THAKSIN SENDS ROUND BEGGING BOWL
Ahead of the Game has received plenty of requests via e-mail: there was that message from the deposed African dictator who needed to get money out of his homeland (he still hasn't replied, even after we forwarded the $20,000 deposit) and that nice man from Viagra still keeps in contact. But imagine our surprise when our inbox beeped with a message from none other than Mr Thaksin Shinawatra, the Manchester City owner and former Prime Minister of Thailand.
It seems like Svennis has spent all the profit from that (alleged) land deal and Thaksin needs to get his hands on some more money quick sharp.
We obviously sent our full bank details - including pin number and sort code - so he could extradite some of the money from his "21 frozen bank accounts" for "a reliable business purpose". We'll let you know how our investment grows.

RONALDO INJURES JOINER (POSSIBLY)
Overworked staff in benefits offices across Merseyside are braced for a new claim after Cristiano Ronaldo put an Everton fan out of work. Carl Lloyd, a joiner, said he needed hospital treatment after the Manchester United winger allegedly trod on him at Goodison Park last Saturday. "I've been in excruciating pain," he said. "I don't know if I'll work again any time soon. I couldn't believe what happened. All I was doing was trying to retrieve the ball."
Ahead of the Game has heard some lame excuses for pulling a sickie, but that takes the biscuit. Still, the police are taking it seriously. A spokesman for Merseyside Police confirmed Mr Lloyd had made an official complaint.

REDKNAPP LOOKING GOOD
It's been rumoured that Avram Grant is set to offer a coaching role to Jamie Redknapp - a job that the former Liverpool man is completely unqualified to do, except for his close family contacts and good looks. A bit like his role as a pundit on Sky Sports, then? Miaow...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2
Minutes it took Jermain Defoe to score after coming off the bench in the Uefa Cup. Bet he's back on the bench on Sunday, though
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A quickie before you go, sir?

GOING IN WHERE IT HURTS
Giving a new meaning to the title ballboy. This Tottenham volunteer returns the ball straight into a Famagusta player's nether regions. It's enough to bring tears to your eyes. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gUgPkJ76x8

MONEY FOR OLD PHOTOS
It hasn't taken Chelsea fans long to cash in on the departed manager. You can get signed photos, footballs and shirts. Expect the coat to be up for grabs soon.
http://search.ebay.co.uk/mourinho_Football-Memorabilia_W0QQcatrefZC6QQfromZR4QQfsooZ2QQfsopZ3QQsaatcZQ2d1QQsacatZ6093QQsalicZ3QQsbrsrtZd

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Get your coat: Mourinho was sacked - The Sun
* Abramovich takes hands-on role - The Guardian
* Stampede Bridge - Lampard to lead mass exodus - Daily Express
* Mutiny: tearful Drogba leads revolt - Daily Mirror
* Grant ready to offer Jamie Redknapp key coaching role - The Independent
* Not special enough - 'irretrievable breakdown' spells end - Daily Telegraph
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In TheGame

Brian Glanville has nursed Geoff Hurst back to health in the back of a cab in Guadalajara, he's witnessed every FA Cup Final except three since 1951 and even watched England lift the World Cup - but they're not even in his top 10 football moments. Find out what the doyen of football writers considers to be his finest 50 moments after more than half a century covering the beautiful game.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2488421.ece
Tom Dart would like to put the boot into Jose Mourinho for all his antics on the touchline, but can't bring himself to do it. He says the former Chelsea manager has been great for Chelsea and even better from the Premier League.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/who-needs-mouri.html#more
Bill Edgar , our resident genius, explains why Sky and Setanta will be desperate for some action after four games last weekend produced only two goals.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/more-goals-plea.html
Our resident Chelsea fan Rob Hobson dries his eyes to consider what will happen at Stamford Bridge now the Special One has gone.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/2007/09/farewell-to-the.html
Martin Samuel has been rummaging through his postbag to reply to the best and worst of your messages.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/

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>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL <<<<<
Ronaldo dates a pop flop - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) Cristiano Ronaldo is dating a sexy pop idol reject. 2) Luciana Abreu got booted out at the semi-final stage of the Portuguese version of the TV show and also represented Portugal in the Eurovision Song Contest. 3) She says that she's a good Catholic girl - and claims that her favourite book is the bible. 4) That may or may not be true, but at least Ronaldo's not paying for the privilege this time.
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Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

I would just like to say that we fans at Watford are more than happy with Aidy Boothroyd, so don't try to muscle your way in here Jose! The relentless march of the mighty Hornets continues!!!!
Pete from St Albans gets carried away

I think all the Arsenal fans should hope and pray that yet another Russian doesn't get his hands on their club ... but it looks to be on the cards. They don't buy football clubs just to become silent sugar daddies.
Arthur Blundell, Chelmsford, Essex is all doom and gloom.

Whatever happened to 4pm???
Alex Lewendon from Bracknell can't wait, but then he probably shouldn't have to. It's a technical issue... honest.

Sometimes you just say it better than we do, which is why we've dedicated a small corner of this e-mail to your views and boos. Feel free to send us your opinions on anything from a request for us to help you extract money from an overseas account to opinions on Usmanov's "blocking" shares. sport@timesonline.co.uk

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Tomorrow's news today

- Grant steps into glare as he tries to fill breach left by the Special One
- The Fink Tank explains: why Mourinho is special but Abramovich is specialer
- Hope Powell plotting victory over USA in women's World Cup quarter-final

And expect...

Roman Abramovich to send a begging letter to Ahead of the Game as he tries to find another £12 million.

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling, but without the hassle or the money. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

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Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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