Ahead of the Game: Mob Justice For Chelsea

AHEAD OF THE GAME

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Thursday, September 27, 2007. 1600 BST
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The news in 60 seconds

MOB JUSTICE FOR CHELSEA
The FA is cracking down on Chelsea's mob-handed approach to referees. They've charged the club for failing to control their players after they went berserk when John Obi Mikel was sent off at Old Trafford. Steve Clarke has been charged with using nasty words but the club will contest the charges.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2544153.ece

UEFA GRANT EXEMPTION
Things are getting back to normal for The Normal One. Uefa will allow Avram Grant to take his place on the bench for Chelsea's next Champions League match, despite not holding those pesky coaching badges. And they beat Hull - just when we were all enjoying their blues.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2544888.ece

COMRADE PLATINI SNUBS G14
Uefa revolutionary Michel Platini is more of a left-winger now than he ever was as a player. The bolshy president has said he does not recognise G14 - so named because it represents the 18 biggest clubs in Europe, obviously - as an entity. Comrade Platini, we salute you.
http://timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2545065.ece

SHEARER BACKS OWEN
Alan Shearer, who used the operating theatre like most people use Elastoplast, thinks that Michael Owen will be back sooner than expected. Shearer had the hernia operation that St Michael needs and says he could be up and running 11 days after going under the knife.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/euro_2008/article2543686.ece

NEVER FEAR, JOLLY IS HERE
Tottenham fans can sleep easy, Martin Jol is coming to their rescue like a super hero on a bad hair day. "They say in Holland, 'Have no fear, Jolly is here,'" Super Jol said yesterday. The delusions don't stop there: he now says sacking him would put the club back years. All the way back to when they were an underachieving Premier League club hoping for a decent cup run?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/tottenham/article2543577.ece

BECKHAM AT DAD'S BEDSIDE
David Beckham arrived in Heathrow at noon after flying in from LA to be at his father's bedside. Ted Beckham was rushed to hospital last night after suffering a heart attack and is in a serious condition.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2541962.ece

VIALLI IN DENIAL
Gianluca Vialli is not after John Gregory's job at QPR. Luca was at Loftus Road last weekend but claims he was only there because he is a friend of Flavio Briatore. He also said he enjoyed the experience, which isn't the same as enjoying the football.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/football_league/article2540028.ece

A FLABBERGASTING NIGHT
Red-faced Fergie furious after Mosquito bite, Chelsea produce a special performance after going to Hull and back, Jol gets a substitution right, Sanchez goes ballistic and Leicester turn tables on O'Neill. All the reports from last night's Carling Cup action.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/

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If you've got another couple of minutes

NAT BLING COLE AND MARIAH CAREY
At least someone in the Cole family can sing, and no - it's not Cheryl. Mariah Carey has discovered that she is a distant relative of Ashley. The overrated prima donna (the singer, that is) had hoped to find out whether she was related to Nat King Cole, but instead unearthed ancestral links with the former Arsenal diva, Nat Bling Cole.
Cashley, whose recent performances for Chelsea have gone down about as well as a preview showing of Glitter, is said to be delighted at the link. "He's always been a big fan of Mariah's, and grew up listening to jazz legends like Nat King Cole," a source said.
The happy family will have plenty to talk about: Girls Aloud's latest single, public relations disasters and fat contracts they failed to justify.

DAVIES IS 'PUB PLAYER'
Curtis Davies has made a forgettable debut one to remember. His performance on the pitch in Aston Villa's 1-0 defeat by Leicester City may have been shameful but there was nothing wrong with his punditry skills. "I was just awful," he said. "I didn't contribute anything. I've been bigging myself up, saying I'm ready and obviously I'm not. I'm not good enough to get in the team yet. I'm honest with myself in every performance and that was rubbish - I looked like a pub team player." It certainly beats any sentence that includes "giving 110 per cent", "gaffer" and "working hard in training".
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/aston_villa/article2543127.ece

SICK AS A PIG
Birmingham City chairman David Gold has said that comments made about him by an Aston Villa director were "distasteful". Gold, who used to own the Daily Sport and whose present portfolio includes "passion and fashion" retail outlet Ann Summers, should know all about that, judging by some of those gaudy outfits. General Charles Krulak had said that Gold was like a "pig in mud" in an unprovoked attack after a row about ticket prices. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2540179.ece

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£7,102.73
Cost of a Uefa Pro Licence
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A quickie before you go, sir?

THE NEXT MOTTY?
This Arsenal fan says there is only one word to describe Arsenal's performance against Newcastle: "speechless". So why does it take him 5min 55sec to say it? And why does he sound like Greg Rusedski? And why are the funniest things the ones that aren't meant to be? So many questions ... so little reason to ask them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ED3tRbdHhR8

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>>>>>THE CHELSEA SCANDAL<<<<<
Rom: I ate Jose! - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) Roman Abramovich has made a meal out of Jose Mourinho - by saying he is like the nosh in his new restaurant. 2) The Chelsea boss said: "Jose is like any dish in my restaurant. You like it or not, but it doesn't stay on the table for long." 3) The graphics department has done a tasty little montage with Roman holding his cutlery before tucking into a plate of Jose a l'orange. 4) We reckon Jose may want some afters.
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In TheGame

In TheGame Podcast , Thierry Henry talks to Guillem Balague about why Cesc Fabregas is more like a 30-year-old man than a teenager on the rampage, while he admits he is still struggling to fight off those paparazzi. Alyson Rudd says that Roman Abramovich's decision to get his hands dirty at Chelsea is a sign of a mid-life crisis, while Gabriele Marcotti says that Jose Mourinho got what was coming to him. Matt Dickinson joins Bill Edgar and the gang.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/audio_video/podcasts/thegame/article2520529.ece
Martin Samuel on why there's no shame in being a West Ham fan (and he answers your comments) in TheGame debate .
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/the-debate-ma-2.html
Tony Evans on why Arsenal embody all that is bad about the "greed is good league".
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/09/the-vulgar-trut.html
In Fanzine Fanzone, our Derby man was brought to earth with a bump after watching Arsenal play football from a galaxy far, far away. Elsewhere, our Chelsea fan wants Roman Abramovich to sign Batman...
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/

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>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Chelsea ease pressure on Grant - Daily Telegraph
* Flabbergasted Fergie sunk by Mifsud - Daily Mirror
* Fergie's fury - Daily Mail
* Roman turns to Hiddink - Daily Express
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Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

"It would be a mistake to sack me," says Martin Jol... It would be the best decision Levy ever made!!! Jol is a conman who fails to deliver with a very talented squad. Sack him now Levy - don't give this idiot any more time our money and give Hughton the road with him.
Joseph from North London is losing patience

I was hoping Michael Owen didn't need surgery, but now I see it was just a hope. I expect him to become strong and this period of time to pass qiuckly ,because everyone needs michael owen. I truely hope this is the last injury in his career, he already had enough.
Flaka is feeling for the little guy

Send your opinions to sport@timesonline.co.uk

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Tomorrow's news today

- Terry revels in new beginning
- Ashton pushes himself forward for England job
- Jol explains why he subbed Defoe

And expect...

Curtis Davies to turn out for the Swan & Mitre and Nat Bling Cole to release a duet with Mariah Carey. They could call it Money For Nothing. Just an idea.

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling, but without the hassle or the money. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

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