AHEAD OF THE GAME
Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail
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Friday, December 21, 2007. 1600 GMT
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The news in 60 seconds
BIG DRAWS FOR BIG CLUBS
"It's going to be tough but there are no easy ones at this stage." On any other day, Rick Parry's bland statement would be dismissed as another cup platitude, but Liverpool have been drawn with Inter Milan, Arsenal play AC Milan, Manchester United take on Lyons, Chelsea face Olympiacos and Celtic square up to Barcelona. More tricky than Samurai Su doku after a bottle of super-strength sake.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/european_football/article3082579.ece
NO BALLS UP, JUST CONFUSING
The Champions League draw was so complicated that Tom Dart found himself longing for the no-nonsense simplicity of the FA Cup. Arsene Wenger will probably be having similar misgivings after a draw that was as tough as it was inevitable. Reaction to the draw.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/european_football/article3082765.ece
UEFA CUP DRAW
Any tournament that has a group stage from which three out of five teams qualify - that's like 15 Championship teams getting promoted - and then gets bolstered by teams who couldn't cut it in the proper tournament, is ridiculous. But we still have to cover the draw. Tottenham play Slavia Prague, Everton take on SK Brann, Bolton play Atletico Madrid, Rangers get Panathinaikos and Aberdeen meet Bayen Munich.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/european_football/article3082948.ece
LAWRIE'S NOT HARDY
Lawrie Sanchez has been sacked by Fulham. Not content with dressing like an FBI agent - in this case, FBI stands for the Fulham Bureau of Ineptitude - Sanchez created a team who played as badly as he dresses. The Cottagers are in the bottom three and the club said that "losing its Premiership status is a proposition that simply cannot be contemplated".
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/fulham/article3082279.ece
2 + 2 = A JOB FOR COLLINS
Fulham have released this statement: "The club is confident that it will find the right replacement to increase its chances of remaining in the Premiership, which is of vital importance." John Collins - as opposed to Collins John, who is on loan at Leicester - resigned from his job as Hibernian boss yesterday. He's favourite for the job.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/scotland/article3080702.ece
FERGIE'S PARTY LINE
There must be two Sir Alex Fergusons. Sir Alex Ferguson says that Sir Alex Ferguson knows how to handle the fallout from the alleged goings-on at Manchester United's ill-judged and sordid Christmas party. "I have nothing to say about the events of the week," he said. "Why would I say anything? Alex Ferguson has been dealing with situations like this for 21 years - and I know exactly what we do."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article3084066.ece
UNITED'S ANGOLAN DIAMOND
Manchester United have signed Manucho from Angola. "He is a tall, agile, quick forward and through contacts that Carlos [Queiroz] has, was brought to our attention around six months ago," Ferguson said.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_united/article3084061.ece
BERBATOV NOT FOR SALE
Dimitar Berbatov is not for sale at any price, according to Damien Comolli, Tottenham's sporting director. "We have never had any talks with Manchester United - and as Juande Ramos has stated, we want him to stay," Comolli said. "It's not an issue. I don't think there is a price for him."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/tottenham/article3083777.ece
POT, KETTLE, KEANE
Roy Keane has backed Sensitive Sol's complaints about the behaviour of fans. "Sometimes it is over the top, but what can you do about it? Are you going to eject 40,000, 50,000 supporters for abusing a player or a manager?" Keane, who once stamped on a player's knee, walked out on a World Cup after a tirade of abuse and was known for chasing 40 yards after referees, said.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/sunderland/article3083521.ece
NO IFS FOR BUTT
Big Sam has hailed the influence of Nicky Butt after the midfielder signed a one-year contract extension that will keep him at Newcastle United until the end of next season. "Nicky has been magnificent for us this season when his experience has been invaluable," Allardyce said.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/newcastle/article3083633.ece
DRESSING DOWN FOR DERBY
"Thierry Henry started wearing his socks over his knees and all of a sudden you see players at all levels doing it," Paul Jewell, the Derby County manager, said. He wants Robert Earnshaw to roll his sleeves up and Giles Barnes to leave his socks down.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/derby/article3080589.ece
PREMIER LEAGUE TEAM NEWS
Chelsea are waiting on the fitness of Andriy Shevchenko, Michael Johnson is still a doubt for Manchester City, Robbie Keane is back for Tottenham, Emile Heskey is poised for a shock return to the Wigan Athletic line-up and Stewart Downing and Gary O'Neil are doubtful for Middlesbrough. All the team news for the weekend's Premier League matches.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article3078878.ece
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>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame - or Santa won't bring you any presents
* It's free and you can still enter but this is your last chance
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
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If you've got another couple of minutes
SANTA'S SACK: WE HAVE A RECORD!
Christmas records are meant to be fun little ditties sung by former soap stars, reality TV contestants or Cliff Richard. But on this occasion we have a record - or a joint No 1, if you prefer - with a difference. After Lawrie Sanchez was given the boot by Fulham, the Premier League has now equalled its own personal best for most pre-Christmas managerial changes. Admittedly, it's not going to get you singing along drunkenly at your Christmas party like Mistletoe and Wine (or eight pints of lager), but here's the list of managers to have moved on so far this season: Jose Mourinho (Chelsea), Martin Jol (Tottenham), Steve Bruce (Birmingham), Billy Davies (Derby), Chris Hutchings (Wigan), Sammy Lee (Bolton) and Sanchez.
Interestingly, Sunderland are the only club in the bottom six not to have changed their manager. What are the odds on Keano, Gareth Southgate, Alan Curbishley or Big Sam joining Santa's sack race before the season is out to give us an outright record?
WINTER BREAK!
AOTG has always considered itself to be a footballing pioneer - hence the confident title of this e-mail - so while the FA may dither about the introduction of a winter break, we are taking direct action. We are bringing ourselves into line with the major European nations by introducing a two-week period of R&R that will enable you (and us) to rest tired limbs and spend time with families. Trust us, it's not our choice.
Anyway, as everyone knows, at this time of year keyboards become heavy and waterlogged, the cold makes typing fingers more susceptible to injury and readers become disillusioned with lame jokes about early Christmas presents and belated New Year's resolutions.
Aside from allowing us to eat our own body weight in chocolate log, turkey and mince pies, the break will also leave us fresh and revitalised in order to report on the European Championships in the summer ... oh. In any case, we return on January 7.
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>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
THREE MAN U STARS ROASTED GIRL NO 2 - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) Three Manchester United players "roasted" a drunken girl reveller at their seedy Christmas party. 2) They cheered on each other with shouts of "Get in there" and "Well done son" during the shameful session. 3) After a few minutes the men filed out laughing and rushed downstairs for more booze while the girl came out bragging, "They said I was great in bed." 4) It's another proud day for football.
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A quickie before you go, sir?
HOW TO TACKLE...
After yesterday's rant about two-footed tackles, here's an instructive video for Peter Crouch, Steed Malbranque, Denilson et al. Some of these players even win the ball, which we gather used to be considered an essential part of the tackle.
http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/football/video/xy8aj_best-football-tackles_sport
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31
After AZ Alkmaar's defeat last night, Ipswich Town now boast the longest current unbeaten home record in Europe. The Dutch side had passed the East Anglian club's record last month but the defeat has handed the record back to Ipswich, whose record is still in tact.
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In TheGame
Statistics so complicated they would confuse a fully qualified accountant. Bill Edgar , The Times resident football genius, with a compilation of his top 50 stats from 2007.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article3075231.ece
Tony Cascarino , Times Online's very own agony uncle, on how to keep fit over Christmas, improve your shooting and much more.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/12/weight-loss-imp.html
Tottenham fans get in the mood for Christmas, our Boro man worries about the transfer window while our Man City fan has sparked some angry replies after ruffling the feathers of the big four. Fanzine Fanzone .
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/
Join the debate on TheGame Podcast blog . Guillem Balague and Gabriele Marcotti have been answering your comments after another successful show.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/12/grand-slam-sund.html
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>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Crouch: Obi took the Mik - Daily Mirror
* They've all got it Klin for me: Rafa after new deal as Jurgen waits - The Sun
* Liverpool owners in race against time for loan - The Daily Telegraph
* FA backs national centre but it may not be at Burton - The Independent
* Crouch fires back: Obi's play-acting got me sent off, fumes Liverpool striker - Daily Mail
* Foreign divers taking Mikel - Daily Express
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Joe Bloggs' Soapbox
Anyone else think Lawrie Sanchez is interested in the Hibs job?
We like the cut of Amar Purohit 's gib, although we think it's only fair that Graeme Souness gets a mention as well. He always does, for every job, regardless.
What Oliver Urpi neglected to mention [yesterday's AOTG], perhaps he didn't know, was that Arsene Wenger's spending for Arsenal last year on foreign players was the same amount as that spent by Manchester United on foreign players. Don't let the facts get in the way of a good rant, though. However, it would appear that Man U spent more on their Christmas celebrations.
We think - although we'll leave you to judge - that Paul Underwood has actually strengthened the case for Oliver's army of stats. Oliver was saying, we think, that Wenger is not so much a nurturer of talent as a purchaser ... just like Fergie. Anyway, it's worth it for the payoff line - good work.
How to stop the two-footed tackle:
* dock that week's wages if they are sent off
* throw them into the stands with the opposition supporters
* make them play the rest of the game naked
* have their mum watch the tape, which would probably lead to no supper and an early bed time
* the tackled player could get a free shot at the offender
* sentence them to five games with Derby County - in goal
Matt McGraw shows an imagination that we can only admire. We merely add the naughty step, as suggested by one of our previous (and esteemed) letter writers, for tradition's sake.
You can e-mail us at sport@timesonline.co.uk if you like - but we won't be reading it for at least a couple of weeks.
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Tomorrow's news today
Wenger takes a swipe at Terry
Injury-hit Spurs prepare for North London derby
And expect...
Not to receive an e-mail for a couple of weeks. This time it won't be because it's late, but because we'll have our slippered feet up, smoking a pipe and sharing a mince pie with Santa, surrounded by a gaggle of his beautiful elven helpers. Before returning to the real world.
The new registration process is up and running, so it's like pyramid selling once again. Spread the word.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/tools_and_services/subscriptions/e-mail_bulletins/
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