AHEAD OF THE GAME
Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail
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Thursday, December 6, 2007. 1600 GMT
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The news in 60 seconds
WENGER'S PATRIOT GAMES
Arsene Wenger turned up at last night's press conference wearing a Union Jack, humming the national anthem and with a bulldog under his arm. "You know what makes me sad?" he said about the England job. "I am more nationalistic than you because you want to go for [Jose] Mourinho, for [Fabio] Capello - I am the only one who goes for an Englishman." He didn't give us any names though. Big Sam? Big Al? 'Arry? No, didn't think so.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/arsenal/article3010755.ece
WHINGEING MANAGERS
As if to prove that Arsenal are The Greatest Team In The History Of The World Except When It Gets A Bit Physical, Wenger implied that the Newcastle United players were a bit physical last night, which is why his delicate petals only drew. It's not because Emmanuel Adebayor has the first touch of a trampoline, of course. For the record, Big Sam says that the Arsenal players are divers.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article3007632.ece
DROGBA OUT FOR AGES AND AGES
Roman Abramovich is going to have to raid his penny jar again if, as feared, Didier Drogba needs a knee operation. The Chelsea forward could be out for months on end, leaving only Andriy Shevchenko to get on the end of those hopeful 60-yard punts. The club are considering a move for Nicolas Anelka.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article3007126.ece
RONALDO IS THE NEW BEST
Denis Law has been talking about the similarities between George Best and Cristiano Ronaldo - and not just because of the little winker's antics in the swimming pool. "There are players when they get the ball and you think 'Christ, something is going to happen here,'" the Manchester United legend said. "It doesn't always happen but you just feel it."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_united/article3012010.ece
KABOUL 'RESTED'
You or AOTG might say that Younes Kaboul has been dropped, discarded, disgraced, or just given what his half-baked impersonation of Titus Bramble deserves. Juande Ramos says he has been rested. Didier Zokora will fill in at centre back against Anderlecht tonight.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/tottenham/article3007149.ece
NO STARS BELGRADE
The British Embassy has published advice warning Bolton fans about heavy-handed policing before tonight's Uefa Cup match against Red Star Belgrade, although that's not the reason Gary Megson has left all his decent players behind. To the bemusement of Belgrade, he's decided that the second biggest cup competition in Europe doesn't matter as much as Wigan on Sunday.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/bolton/article3007146.ece
HESKEY A HERO
Wigan Athletic boss Steve Bruce has been drooling - his words - over Emile Heskey. "I said when I signed him [for Birmingham City], he is the best centre forward in England because of the way he plays, and he has proved it," he said. Better Wayne Rooney's chuffed about that. Anyway, Heskey is almost certain to be fit to face Bolton on Sunday, despite limping off with a hamstring strain against Manchester City.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/wigan/article3011919.ece
MOYES IN DENIAL
David Moyes, the Everton manager, has denied a charge of improper conduct by the FA relating to comments about referee Mark Clattenburg after his side's defeat by Liverpool in October, which is understandable even if it isn't funny.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/everton/article3012050.ece
CROUCH IN NO RUSH TO LEAVE
Ian Rush has a nose for a good striker (sorry) and he's given his backing to Peter Crouch. "He's a fantastic different option for Liverpool and England and has never let Liverpool down," Rush said. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/liverpool/article3009968.ece
McALLISTER BACKS SOUEY
Gary McAllister has given his backing to Graeme Souness as the next Scotland manager. "The big thing for me is respect," McAllister said. "Who can say Graeme hasn't been there, seen it and done it?" Certainly not Liverpool, Blackburn, Newcastle and Southampton fans, who will never forget him.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/scotland/article3010016.ece
AGBONLAHOR FOR ENGLAND?
Is it unfair to say that Gabriel Agbonlahor is doing as much self-promoting as playing these days (particularly when we depend on the banal musings of players to do our job for us)? Possibly. In any case, the Aston Villa forward says he is ready to make the step up for England.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/aston_villa/article3011512.ece
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>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame - if Souness can do the job, there's no reason why you shouldn't
* It's free and you can still enter
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* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
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If you've got another couple of minutes
AFTER DINNER SLURS
If AOTG was wondering why it wasn't allowed to go on a no-expense-spared, champagne-quaffing, WAG-bagging, hyphen-laden undercover mission to The Glass Spider in Sunderland yesterday (OK, we weren't really wondering), it got its answer this morning when the boss rocked up with eyes like watering holes in the snow, moaning about a late finish to the Square Mile Sports Awards and looking for sympathy from the wrong writer. Still, at least said member of top brass got a bit of gossip from the event, which is more than we would have achieved if we'd been given the company credit card and sent off to spend the night drinking fine wines with lots of slick City suits.
So to cut to the chase ... The recipient of the young sportsman of the year award was Micah Richards, who was apparently blinged up for the occasion, complete with shaved eyebrow, dapper suit and a tie knot so fat that Aretha Franklin could wear it as a dress. We won't bore you with most of the after-dinner speech [point taken, Stuart], except to mention that it probably included the following phrases: "big honour", "coming back strongly for pudding", "it's all about the next game" and "it's a meal of two courses". Still just as our boss was about to dribble into his napkin, Richards let slip that Manchester City lothario Sven-Goran Eriksson has not only been teaching him about when to push and when to hold on a football field. He's also introduced Richards to some nice girls as well. The cheeky devil.
A FATE WORSE THAN BARTON. HONEST
Did you ever think you would read a story about a player with worse public relations skills than Joey Barton? For Newcastle United, read Paris Saint-Germain. For aforementioned putting-your-foot-in-it, mediocre midfield misfit, read digging-your-own-grave winger Jerome Rothen.
The fans' revolt at the French club - who are falling down the league faster than Emmanuel Adebayor after slight contact in a tight match - makes the baying mob at St James' Park look like the audience at a school nativity play. Not for them a polite chorus of boos.
The situation has not been helped by Bar... sorry, Rothen's delicate attempts at diplomacy. He was shown on TV ripping up a letter that had been handed out by fans urging the players to give it a bit more welly for the badge. Unfortunately, Rothen's subtle peacekeeping plea went down about as well as Nicolas Sarkozy baton-charging a load of "scum" on a trip to the banlieue and - Sacre Bleu! - eight vans of riot police had to be stationed in front of the training complex last night. That came on the back of Monday's shenanigans, when 40 fans kicked off with the players after training.
At PSG's last game - which they lost, obviously - one fan's banner read, "Bleed for us, like we bleed for you". The connotations of which appear to be changing by the minute. So if Big Sam thinks he's having a hard time, think again.
UNCLE TONY
Football's best (and only) agony uncle, Tony Cascarino, answers your questions. As always, this week's subject matter is rich and varied, covering such things as how to turn a bunch of fancy Dans into a team, what to do about that Sunday League prima donna and whether you should abstain from sex the night before a big match (like AOTG really has a say in the matter).
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/12/footballs-best.html
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>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
BUY HIM A STEVIE G-STRING - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) Cheeky nurses gave Liverpool star Steven Gerrard gift-wrapped pants - after he kept turning up for groin scans COMMANDO. 2) Stevie Me lets it all hang out on regular trips to Royal University Hospital in Liverpool. 3) On his latest visit, one Florence Nightingale handed over a three-pack of undies from Gap. 4) "The first time everyone was shocked but now it's a bit of a joke," one of the nurses said. "Steven seems to think it's funny." 5) And we thought it was just his performances for England that were pants.
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A quickie before you go, sir?
IT'S JUST A LOTTERY
Those of you who were wondering what all the fuss was about with yesterday's Tabloid Scandal - FA BALLS UP - can now see for yourself. For what it's worth, AOTG thinks it looks like a 24 with a line underneath it, despite what everyone else says.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzsSZ2OC_94
WE'VE MENTIONED THIS BEFORE...
... but here's our video evidence. Can anyone please tell us why Antti Niemi lifts his left hand up towards Cristiano Ronaldo's leg, if it's not to bring him down? And he still has the cheek to look aghast. A quick doff of the cap to Stuart Mennie [yesterday's letters] - then send Niemi straight to the Naughty Step.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpSyP5uoj-0
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11
Newcastle's present league position. They finished 13th last season. Who said they aren't progressing under Big Sam?
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In TheGame
This week's TheGame Podcast was so packed with fervent debate, caustic opinions, mind-blowing stats and revealing interviews that 45 minutes wasn't enough - so Gabriele Marcotti and Guillem Balague have taken their fight outside. Well, on to your blog, anyway. They also answer your questions and comments about this week's show, but only after they've settled a few personal scores.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/12/on-the-road-and.html
Martin Samuel wanted to get to the heart of what's gone wrong at Newcastle United in this week's debate. And while some of you disagreed with our Chief Football Correspondent's opinion, it's fair to say that if Newcastle could defend their goalline half as well as Samuel defends his, there wouldn't be too many problems at St James' Park. http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/12/the-debate-mart.html
Speaking of which, St James' Park gave its seat-thumping, song-singing, best-fans-in-England support for Big Sam last night and Gareth Harrison, our Newcastle man, is no different. "Of course, failure to beat Birmingham on Saturday will have the hacks regurgitating talk of a crisis," he writes, as AOTG gleefully sharpens its pencil. Also in Fanzine Fanzone, Richard Allen, our new voice from Fulham on why the fans are still behind Lawrie Sanchez - despite a record that would have most managers scouring the wanted pages in Metro, while our Man City man has been shooting the breeze with Sven. http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/2007/12/slide-away.html
On TheGame Blog, Tom Dart on why Steve Coppell's revelation that he has taken Reading as far as he can makes him a lame duck limping towards an early bath. That's our mixed metaphor, not his.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/12/cop-out.html
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>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* WOR'N PEACE: Sam saved but he's furious with Gunners - The Sun
* Taylor is Sam's saviour - Daily Express
* Passion play: relief for Allardyce as Newcastle defy Arsenal - The Daily Telegraph
* Newcastle rise to Allardyce's cause and peg back Arsenal - The Guardian
* Bullies 1 Conmen 1: Big Sam and Wenger trade insults after thriller - Daily Mirror
* Sam lifeline: Taylor halts Gunners to take heat off Allardyce - Daily Mail
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Joe Bloggs' Soapbox
Did anyone mention in yesterday's AOTG e-mail that Steven Gerrard "hates diving"? I suggest the person watch the following clips from YouTube before making such claims in such a prestigious daily football e-zine as the AOTG:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Qqjx6IyWxjo
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=CllT_iZEblE&feature=related
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=L073tGdLETo&feature=related
Maybe, it's the Spanish/European influence at his football club, eh?
Thanks for your message, Aranya Syed . We particularly liked the third one - who would have thought that, in a 50/50 between Cristiano Ronaldo and Stevie Me, the Liverpool man would be the one throwing himself to the floor like, well, a cheat?
Diane's assertion [that players such as Gerrard can police the divers] here sounds great. Get your captain to tell your players to stop diving and they'll cut it out of their own games. It's a shame that her example, Steven Gerrard, likes the odd dive in the muddy grass himself, not to mention other club and country captains and senior players as widely lauded and respected as John Terry, Michael Owen and of course C. Ronaldo. There again, at least if Paul Scholes was making the tackles you could compare shin wounds with each other.
What do you reckon, Diane? Has Kiran got a point?
I thought I'd vent my spleen. I think AOTG should start a petition to stop footballers speaking to the press. All they come out with is cliché-ridden drivel. Of course, Stevie G would rather his team finished higher than Cesc's or Fat Frank's, it's not going to happen tho. "Goals are important, but not as important as points", no s*1t Sherlock! Presumably his match-win bonus is worth more than his goalscoring bonus. Shut up, the lot of you. Morons!
Thanks, vent over. Congrats on brightening my afternoons, in spite of this.
Our only problem with Stuart's idea is that we'd then have to use our imagination to fill this e-mail with our own ideas - and as you are probably aware if you've got this far, AOTG is about as creative as Middlesbrough.
"But without wishing to sound like a broken record, AOTG refers him to our previous point: Mourinho would be unbearable if he actually won anything [taken from almost any AOTG during past month]" - the real point is that you are considering the repercussions of winning, something you could not realistically ponder with any of the English candidates.
A very fair comeback from Jonathan. But we're standing by our (increasingly isolated) belief that Mourinho for England is basically Big Sam in a smart coat with a nice accent. And that's not meant to be a good thing.
Send your mail to: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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Tomorrow's news today
- Given won't get carried away by talk of a revival
- United kitted out for success
- Toure hails Arsenal spirit
And expect...
AOTG to be consigned to photocopying if its boss reads this e-mail
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