Ahead of the Game: England's 2018 Ambitions

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

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Wednesday, October 31, 2007. 1600 BST
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The news in 60 seconds

ENGLAND'S 2018 AMBITIONS
The FA has announced that it will bid to host the 2018 World Cup finals (and not just because it's the only way we will qualify). Geoff Thompson, the FA chairman, said: "It is very clear that the English football public want to see the World Cup back in this country."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/world_cup/article2779563.ece

LOADS OF MONEY
At least we know the governing body can afford it. Brian Barwick has announced the FA is in its "strongest-ever financial position" after sealing a new overseas TV deal worth £145 million for the FA Cup and England home games. That's more than David Beckham earns for sitting by his pool in LA.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2779543.ece

KOEMAN TO VALENCIA
The Special One will not be making an early return to Chelsea next month after Valencia confirmed Ronald Koeman as their new manager. Jose Mourinho had been tipped for the job but, provided the Spanish club can agree compensation with PSV Eindhoven, Koeman will take them to Stamford Bridge in the Champions League in December.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/european_football/article2779631.ece

HENRY WANTS TIME
Thierry Henry says it will take time to get used to a team that doesn't respond to his every Gallic shrug. Barcelona play as a team and don't just pass the ball to him all the time, which makes it really tough. And he's not making excuses, but there are lots of fouls, too.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/european_football/article2778827.ece

HOME NATIONS
David Will, who spent 17 years as a Fifa vice-president, has warned England against fielding a Great Britain team because it could threaten the separate identities of the national associations. Great Britain could field a team of England players instead or, if they want to win, the Scotland team.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2779591.ece

IPSWICH TAKEOVER
The Tractor Boys should be able to stretch to a new combine harvester after agreeing to a £44 million takeover. Marcus Evans, a businessman, will purchase the Fizzy-Pop Championship club's £32 million debt as well as investing £12 million through the issue of new shares.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/football_league/article2777779.ece

RETURN OF 'GOD'
Robbie Fowler returns to Anfield tonight for the first time since he became a Cardiff City player and The Bearded One has started trying to pre-empt a match-winning performance. "He was good enough to play in the Premier League last season and for me he's still good enough," Benitez said.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/football_league/article2774274.ece

NO GILBERTO RIFT
Arsene Wenger has rubbished stories saying Gilberto had refused to play in the Carling Cup this evening. He says the suggestion is "disrespectful to a great professional like Gilberto", something he's never said about Jens Lehmann after similar stories.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/arsenal/article2773873.ece

MISSING PERSON
Birmingham City have confirmed that the 15-year-old brother of Wilson Palacios, the club's Honduras midfield player, has been abducted.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/birmingham/article2775255.ece

VAMOS RAMOS
Juande Ramos has taken a leaf out of the book of Gerry Francis, Christian Gross, George Graham, Glenn Hoddle, Jacques Santini, Martin Jol and every other manager since Bill Nicholson by promising to restore the style to Tottenham Hotspur. Daniel Levy took a leaf out of Osama Bin Laden's book by hiding in a bunker out of the range of the snipers.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/tottenham/article2774370.ece

IT SPELLS TROUBLE
Martin Samuel says Hallowe'en is the perfect day to discuss "a witches' brew of betrayal, skulduggery, deceit and double-talk". He stirs the cauldron, looks into his crystal ball and predicts that Spurs and Ramos are a marriage made in Hell.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/columnists/martin_samuel/article2774397.ece

LIVE MATCH TRACKER
Keep up to date with all tonight's Carling Cup action with our live match tracker, including teams and goal updates.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/live_match_tracker/

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PAY SLIP-UP
Ahead of the Game doesn't want John Arne Riise coming after it with that hefty left foot of his, but the ginger ringer has given us £82,413.67 reasons to mock him after a copy of his wage slip popped into our (and almost everyone else's) inbox. Admittedly, we'd be pretty unhappy if our payslip made it on to the web - complete with our home address - but then we've probably got more reason to be ashamed of what we earn (trust us, the only thing poorer than the jokes in this e-mail is the person who writes them).
And it's not like Riise can be accused of dodging tax (like opposition players try to duck his free kicks). He pays £55,000 a month into Her Majesty's coffers, which means he has single-handedly resurfaced most of the roads in Merseyside and paid for 12 schools and 18 hospitals to be rebuilt.
But of more interest to Liverpool fans will be his Brucie bonuses. If anyone is wondering why Liverpool perform better in the Champions League than they do in the league - OK, maybe not this year, but this is dated 2006 - look no farther than the fact that he picked up a paltry £250 as a "points bonus" but earned a whopping £15,000 salary increase just for being in the Champions League (we think). He also picked up a £4,000 appearance windfall.
But it's not all take, take, take. He had a £65 meal deduction and £36 taken out for tickets.

RIDSDALE RUBBISH
And time for our latest abridged extract from the serialisation of Peter Ridsdale's Teflon tome. The former Leeds United spendthrift has sensationally revealed that he was offered a bung but turned it down because he's cleaner than a bottle of Domestos. He would have pocketed £300k from the deal but decided he didn't need ... sorry, want ... the ill-gotten gains. "I've never taken a bung and I'm now going to report this to my board," he tells us he said before riding off on his white charger to save the club from the apocalypse.
"Rids" also makes the shocking revelation that he had a deal for leaping leprechaun Martin O'Neill to become the club's manager - but like everything good in the world - the deal went swishing down the pan with his resignation. "You see, if I was still there we would still be leasing players and goldfish, running up debts, paying half of Robbie Fowler's wages and living the dream," he so clearly wants to write. Ridsdale also sensationally reveals that Deadly Doug Ellis is a better businessman than he is and that Eric Cantona has a bit of a temper on him.
In tomorrow's breathtaking sidestep he will admit that Leeds had a bit of financial trouble, but it was nothing to worry about and it was someone else's fault anyway.

HIGH JINKS
It seems that it's not just Corrie's Mike Baldwin who likes the night life in South East Asia. South Korean officials are investigating allegations that Lee Dong Gook, the Middlesbrough forward, was one of four players involved in late-night revelry during the Asian Cup in July. Captain Lee Woon Jae defied a curfew to go out drinking with friends in Jakarta two days before a 2-1 defeat by Bahrain left the team bottom of their group. The day after the match, Dong Gook, Kim Sang Sik and Woo Sung Yong drank until the early hours at a "karaoke bar" with "female bar employees". Woon Jae has given a tearful apology. "As captain, it is my responsibility, the other players did nothing wrong," he said. Just so long as he wasn't stingy.

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£824
That's how much it would have cost Joey Chestnut if he'd tried to set his burger eating record at Wembley. He ate 103 of the fellas in eight minutes, although we suspect that they weren't made with the finest ciabatta ... Razor Ruddock is no doubt gutted to have lost his record.
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A quickie before you go, sir?

CARLTON GOALS
Just because Carlton Cole is starting to score goals like he used to for Chelsea's under-9s, it doesn't mean we can't mock him. This video of the reborn West Ham forward is more embarrassing than his stint at Charlton. He says he'll become a DJ if football doesn't work out, which is looking less likely now than it did five days ago. In any case, this clip helps explain what he's been doing all these years.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzRKze-Klc0

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>>>>>THE TUB-THUMPING TABLOID CAMPAIGN<<<<<
ENGLAND STAR TERRY BACKS TROOPS - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) England skipper John Terry yesterday threw his weight behind The Sun's Help For Heroes appeal. 2) Captain Courageous is no stranger to putting his body on the line (or his head in the line of Abou Diaby's size 9s) and says that he is "honoured" to support Britain's forces. 3) He has even folded his arms like Superman and donned the appeal's wrist band to pose for a photo.
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In TheGame

Martin Samuel , our Chief Football Correspondent, has been rummaging through his postbag to answer the best (and worst of your comments)
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/the-debate-ma-3.html
The Roed to Hell? After Glenn Roeder was appointed Norwich manager, Tom Dart crunches the numbers and wonders why clubs plump for experience over youth.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/taking-the-old-.html
On this week's Game Podcast , Guillem Balague offers his unique insight into Juande Ramos, a man he knows well, while Tim Sherwood gives his view on the shambles at his old club. Bill Edgar weighs in with a Michael Owen stat that may not please his legion of fans, while Alyson Rudd steps up gamely for some Quick Hits...
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/rijkaard-parlou.html

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>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* I was offered £300k bung - Ridsdale names and shames agent - The Sun
* Beckenbauer brands England a "lifeless school team" - The Daily Telegraph
* Where is Levy? Spurs chief goes missing from Ramos's unveiling party - Daily Mirror
* Desperate Dan ducks out: Levy leaves sidekick to take flak - Daily Mail
* NBA's biggest star shows interest in Spurs - The Guardian
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Tomorrow's news today

- All the goals and ghouls from the Carling Cup matches on Hallowe'en
- Fear and loathing: Tony Cascarino explains why he'd never want to be a football manager

And expect...

To discover the name of a small archipelago somewhere near the equator when the intrepid Arsenal scouts throw up another teen star you've never heard of in the Carling Cup
Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling but without the hassle. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

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Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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Ahead of the Game

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

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Tuesday, October 30, 2007. 1600 BST
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The news in 60 seconds

BRAZIL BEAT, ER, BRAZIL
That's right. Brazil have beaten off stiff competition from themselves to host the 2014 World Cup finals. Sepp Blatter said that although uncontested the bid was very impressive. Meanwhile, the FA hasn't decided whether it will bid for the 2018 tournament.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2772254.ece

ROEDER TO NORWICH
We're tempted to make a load of cheap jokes about the most unwanted appointment since Gary Megson, but AOTG suspects Glenn Roeder could do quite a good job at Norwich City. He may have the charisma of Gordon Brown but at least he's a safe pair of hands (talk about hanging ourselves out to dry...)
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/football_league/article2770028.ece

PITCH BATTLE
Wembley ground staff have promised to do everything they can to get the pitch ready for England's match against Croatia on November 21 after 60 strapping lads from the NFL chewed it up like a 12oz steak with a side order of fries during Sunday's NFL match.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2771315.ece

NO JOHNSON SALE
Everton have moved to quash (but only added to) rumours that Andy Johnson is on his way to West Ham United. "We have no intention of selling Andy Johnson, he is a really important player for us," Alan Irvine, the assistant manager, said. Who else can win them penalties?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2772035.ece

JOL KEEPS OPTIONS OPEN
Martin Jol says that he quite fancies the Ajax job but that he would consider managing in England again (and anywhere else, by the way, if anyone's listening, please). He doesn't say whether that includes Southend after he was seen at Roots Hall over the weekend, but we suspect not.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2771991.ece

RETURN OF MOURINHO
Jose Mourinho could be on his way back to Stamford Bridge ... as Valencia manager. The Spanish club are prepared to offer The Special One £3.5 million to replace Quique Sanchez Flores. Valencia play Chelsea in December.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/european_football/article2767221.ece

UNITED KINGDOM?
The FA is ready to risk a row by pushing ahead with plans for a Great Britain football team to take part in the London Olympics in five years' time. It appears that the Scottish - who on present form would provide at least 11 of the combined team's starting XI - the Welsh and the Northern Irish want nothing to do with it.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2767241.ece

CARLING CUP TEAM NEWS
West Ham have only one fit forward for tonight's Carling Cup match against Coventry City, Manchester City goalkeeper Andreas Isaksson is ready to return for his first game of the season tomorrow, Harry Kewell is poised to return for Liverpool and Theo Walcott could even get a game for Arsenal. All the team news for the Carling Cup.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2770381.ece

LIVE MATCH TRACKER
Keep up to date with all tonight's Carling Cup action with our live match tracker, including teams and goal updates.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/live_match_tracker/

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>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame, as unpredictable as the 2014 World Cup bidding process
* It's free and you can still enter
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
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If you've got another couple of minutes

FOOTBALL'S NORMAN LAMONT
Ahead of the Game has no more desire to advertise Peter Ridsdale's autobiography than it has to deposit £18.99 directly into the former Leeds United asset stripper's Swiss bank account in exchange for some rare Amazonian goldfish. Still, after "United We Fall" (And Disunited We Hastily Flog Our Story To The Tabloids) was serialised today, it's hard to ignore the chance to put the boot into football's Norman Lamont.
And we can content ourselves with the knowledge that if you read all the juicy bits from his Teflon tome in this free e-mail you won't have to part with a single penny.
Anyway, Ridsdale alleges that his old manager David O'Leary struck a secret deal with Rune Hauge (the "bung agent", not the bloke from the Guinness ads) that cost the club £1.75 million. Leeds were apparently negotiating with Pini Zahavi over the transfer of Rio Ferdinand before O'Leary sent a fax to Hauge entitling him to claim a 10 per cent commission. Ridsdale had previously been blamed for the payout.
"Why would O'Leary give exclusivity to Hauge without informing the chairman?" Ridsdale said. "I cannot provide a satisfactory answer. I had a board of directors around me, it was a plc and no decision was taken by an individual.
"I'm not saying O'Leary did anything illegal but we had a certain way of conducting transfers at Leeds United."
Such as the one that handed Seth Johnson a £30,000-a-week contract? Or the one that Ridsdale reveals on the same double-page spread (and without a trace of irony) that cost the club £200,000 plus VAT in translating services when he signed Olivier Dacourt, who speaks fluent English.

WORRIED BY WATFORD GAP
The Fizzy-Pop Championship is in danger of becoming the most predictable event since Duncan Fletcher's sensational revelations that Freddie Flintoff likes a beer or two. In 38 Premier League matches last season, Watford managed to win 28 points, with only five victories. After last night's victory over "Colin" Warnock's Palace, they have 32 points and ten victories despite making virtually no changes to their squad.
With Sheffield United languishing just above the relegation places and Charlton Athletic hardly setting the place on fire, you may think this suggestion that the Championship is predictable is as flawed as the rotation policy.
But Birmingham City and Sunderland earned immediate promotion last season and the chances are that one of Charlton, West Bromwich Albion or Southampton (who were recently relegated) will also go up. And what are the odds that after Sunderland and Derby County go down this season (and up the next), Watford and AN Other get relegated again?
It means that right now the only thing making the Championship interesting is the play-off system.
AOTG would suggest that the fault lies as much with the parachute payments as the bloated money Premier League clubs are handed. But what do you think? Are parachute payments killing the Championship? Or is it still the most exciting league in the country? Email: sport@timesonline.co.uk

THEGAME PODCAST
On TheGame Podcast this week, Barcelona manager Frank Rijkaard tells Guillem Balague how Lionel Messi is turning his talent into goals. The Dutchman says it's got nothing to do with him. "Last year, he dribbled around eleven men before shooting at goal," he said. "This year, he's happy with beating two guys before having a crack."
Balague doesn't make it into the studio, but he rings in to offer his unique insight into Juande Ramos, a man he knows well. Tim Sherwood talks about the White Hart Shame, while Ray Parlour gives his take on Arsenal's coming of age against Liverpool. Bill Edgar weighs in with a Michael Owen stat that may not please his legion of fans. Alyson Rudd steps up gamely for some Quick Hits...
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/rijkaard-parlou.html

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15
John Bostock became the youngest Crystal Palace player when he made his debut against Watford yesterday aged 15 and 287 days. That's right: on a school night. For those who are interested, the Football League record is 15 and 158 days, held jointly by Albert Geldard (1929) and Ken Roberts (1951).
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A quickie before you go, sir?

ROBOT FOOTBALL
No, that doesn't mean we've put together a highlights package of Peter Crouch's best goal celebrations. The beanpole striker can keep his dance moves for the disco and watch how real robots perform.
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/893640/robots_play_soccer/

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>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
BECKHAM SCIENTOLOGY SHOCK - Daily Mirror
What you need to know: 1) It's not really a "shock". David Beckham has spoken of his "respect" for Tom Cruise and his kooky scientology beliefs but denied that the Mission Impossible star had tried to convert him. 2) There is a picture of David stroking his chin and looking pensive, presumably while he considers whether L Ron Hubbard had a point about Dianetics and his idea that "thetans" have existed for tens of trillions of years accumulating painful memories. 3) In reality, it's just a chance for some more shameless name-dropping about "Katie and Tom". Becks has also been hanging out with (the latest) Mr and Mrs J-Lo and they just talk about this and that. "What's happening that week, that day. What Jennifer's up to, what Victoria's up to," he said. Wacky.
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In TheGame

Martin Samuel, our Chief Football Correspondent, says any attempt to imitate the success of Sunday's NFL venture by exporting a Premier League match would be an insult to those who invest a lifetime of devotion. Join the debate .
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/the-debate-nfl-.html
Frank Lampard puts in the display of the season, Manchester United score four for the fourth match in a row, Steven Gerrard has a shot timed at 227mph. Premier League highlights from every match, free of charge.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2236741.ece
In Fanzine Fanzone , our Man City man, the brilliant Ric Turner, bemoans how his team can follow their best start in 30 years with their worst defeat in a decade. Typical City, he says. Elsewhere, Gareth Beavis, our Portsmouth fan, explains why his team are paying the penalty for, er, missing penalties.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/
Bill Edgar explains why Avram Grant has already achieved something special that The Special One could not.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/weekend-in-nu-1.html

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>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Wembley pitch has a problem that 'may never go away' - The Daily Telegraph
* Silva whining: Gilberto joins Lehmann in Wenger freeze out - Daily Mirror
* O'Leary's secret deal with bung agent - The Sun
* Ramos gets tough with Spurs - The Guardian
* Rio rocked as he heads for a scan - Daily Mail
* Time to earn your Spurs - Ramos will hold off from wielding axe - Daily Express
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Tomorrow's news today

- Meet Juande Ramos - was he worth all the fuss?
- Venables's verdict on the lack of English players in the Premier League

And expect...

West Ham to suffer another injury setback in the Carling Cup

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling but without the hassle. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

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Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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If you no longer wish to receive this e-mail, please click here to unsubscribe (you must be logged in to do so). If you wish to contact our Customer Services team, please send an e-mail to info@newsint.co.uk, or if you wish to speak to a Customer Services representative,  please call 0207 860 1133.

News International Limited, 1 Virginia Street, London E98 1XY, is the holding company for the News International Group and is registered in England No 81701.

Times Newspapers Ltd is a member of the Direct Marketing Association and registered under the Data Protection Act 1998. To see our privacy policy, click here.

Ahead of the Game: Liverpool Feel Strain

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, October 29, 2007. 1600 BST
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The news in 60 seconds

LIVERPOOL FEEL STRAIN
Rafael Benitez won't be selecting his best team - but for once it won't be his fault. Xabi Alonso (broken metatarsal) and Fernando Torres (torn adductor) will be out for at least three weeks after scans confirmed their injuries. Javier Mascherano is also injured but an X-ray showed it was only bruising.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/liverpool/article2764392.ece

POYET ON BOARD
Leeds United have confirmed that Gustavo Poyet will join Tottenham Hotspur as translator ... sorry, that should have read first-team coach ... after much speculation about his position. Juande Ramos will speak about this (and his own appointment) for the first time tomorrow.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2762583.ece

DEAL FOR 'ARRY
Probably the shrewdest piece of business done on the South Coast all year. 'Arry Redknapp, who 'as taken Portsmouth to seventh this season, 'as signed an extension to stay at the club 'til 2011. "It's a great place to be right now and I can only see that getting better," he said. No news on whether 'e's got an escape clause if England come calling.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/liverpool/article2764392.ece

WISE WORDS
Would you effin' believe it. Danny McDermid, the referee, has been charged by the FA after allegedly swearing at Dennis Wise, the Leeds United manager. Wise has been given a three-match touchline ban and fined £5,000 for his part in the unsavoury incident. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/football_league/article2764389.ece

FIFA DROPS ROTATION
It appears as though everyone (except Rafael Benitez) is abandoning the rotation policy. Fifa has ditched the policy of moving the World Cup finals between continents, opening the door for a bid by England in 2018.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2764022.ece

DE CANIO FOR QPR
QPR have appointed De Canio as their new coach. Sadly that's not the Paul Alcock-shoving, Fascist-saluting, tantrum-throwing Paolo, but the former Siena and Napoli manager Luigi. Mick Harford, the caretaker manager, has left the club with immediate effect.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/football_league/article2764257.ece

STAM RETIRES
Jaap Stam, the Ajax and former Manchester United defender, has been forced to announce his retirement after a string of injuries affected his motivation. The 35-year-old, who helped United win the Treble, said: "During games, I was more worried about myself than the opposition."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/european_football/article2765150.ece

LEVY MISTAKES
Daniel Levy admits that he could have "handled things differently and better" over the sacking of Martin Jol. Surely that's what Paul Robinson should have said? Anyway, as understatements go it's a bit like Machiavelli admitting he was pragmatic.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/tottenham/article2759724.ece

HANDS OFF BARRY
Aston Villa have told Chelsea to keep their grubby mitts off Gareth Barry after reports of a £15 million bid. Martin O'Neill says he's "building a team, not dismantling one", although we suspect the rumours were probably only started to put the hurry up on Thin-Skinned Frank's contract negotiations.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2759697.ece

RANGERS FOR SALE
Any generous millionaires - particularly Scottish ones - looking to shell out a small fortune on a football club, look no farther. And no jokes about national stereotypes, please. The message from Sir David Murray, the Rangers chairman, is simple. "Wanted: wealthy entrepreneur to buy large football club, preferably Scottish."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/scotland/article2759698.ece

AMERICAN FOOTBALL
A former MLS executive has revealed plans to take a Premier League match across the Pond. Gabriele Marcotti looks at a venture that would give the Premier League a carbon footprint the size of Wayne Rooney's Hummer.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/columnists/gabriele_marcotti/article2759457.ece

EMPHATIC ENGLAND
England could still qualify for the next European Championships. That's the women, of course. Despite the absence of captain Faye White, they cantered to a 4-0 victory over Belarus - and that was without even playing their best. Hope Powell for England, anyone?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2759601.ece

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame, more entertaining than the NFL cheerleaders
* It's free and you can still enter
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you've got another couple of minutes

FREE PREMIER LEAGUE HIGHLIGHTS
Enjoy Chelsea's episode of Six and the City, relish Wayne Rooney's blossoming relationship with Carlos Tevez, marvel at Simon Davies's 35-yard free kick and see Arsenal come of age against Liverpool. Premier League highlights from every match, free of charge.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2236741.ece

SELLING OUT
Football executives be warned: it's not just the Dynasty-style shoulder pads that separate American football from real football. Even the sight of John Terry dressed up in a silly shirt for an NFL game at Wembley yesterday could not hide that fact. And while the bigwigs and bean counters may be rubbing their hands at the prospect of tapping into those transatlantic revenues, Martin Samuel has a word of warning in The Debate today. Our Chief Football Correspondent says any attempt to imitate the success of yesterday's venture by exporting a Premier League match to Florida misunderstands the tribal nature of soccerball: it would be an insult to those who invest a lifetime of devotion. What do you think? Should Premier League teams play league matches abroad?
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/the-debate-nfl-.html

WHY POYET?
It's more intriguing than the identity of the "sex and drugs" blackmail royal and almost (but not quite) as baffling as why Bolton appointed Gary Megson: why Gus Poyet? So far, and despite grilling a colleague with more contacts than a Spooks agent, we can't find any reason why they want him so badly. Given that the only players still at the club since he left three years ago are Anthony Gardner and Jermain Defoe, it's fair to say he's not there for his close links with the players. The best we can come up with is that Poyet used to play for Tottenham and speaks Spanish. Admittedly, that was enough to get Ossie Ardiles a job, but it's more flimsy than the Argentinian's old defence.

PRUTTON PREDICTION
That may sound like a cheap shot (and it is), but it's no worse than the one from David Prutton, the Leeds United player. Asked about Poyet this weekend, he said: "You never know, we might meet in the championship next term."

THEGAME PODCAST
Frank Rijkaard explains how he is dealing with Ronaldiniho's loss of form and Lionel Messi's rise to fame. Ray "The Romford Pele " Parlour joins the team for the Premier League Debate while Tim Sherwood helps give the inside line on Spurs. Billy is back with his ball and Alyson Rudd takes on the role of Guilem Balague in our quick hits section... Online from 6pm. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/audio_video/podcasts/thegame/article2740136.ece

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18,413
Bolton's attendance for Gary Megson's first home match: the lowest in the 10-year history of the Reebok Stadium. At least until the next one.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A quickie before you go, sir?

ON A ROLL
You too can pretend you are a judge on Strictly Come Dancing. Watch the following clips and award your own marks. More acrobatic than Gabby Logan and less butch than Kenny in a ruffled shirt, Bruno Tonioli will no doubt have his perfect tens ready for these Napoli players after they "won" penalties against Juventus.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2236741.ece
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SD1SEOTPmGs&NR=1

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
You're Gabbin' a laugh - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) After possibly the greatest sporting injustice since the last ATP tennis tournament, Bruce Forsyth has slaughtered fans for voting Gabby Logan off Strictly Come Dancing. 2) The former gymnast turned sports pundit was given the boot despite a slinky Samba while husband Kenny made the cut after promising to show his tackle in a kilt next week. 3) And the irresistibly senile Brucie told viewers: "Next week, remember this is a dance contest."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In TheGame

In Fanzine Fanzone, our Derby County fan is so devoted that he even had a Christening moved so he could see the 2-0 defeat by Everton. And he was the godfather. He's either very committed or very worried that this could be his last chance to see the Rams in the Premier League.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/2007/10/do-the-bad-thin.html
Bill Edgar explains why Fulham would be pushing for Champions League football if matches only lasted 45 minutes.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/weekend-in-nu-1.html
In QA this week, snooker legend Steve Davis tells Kaveh Solhekol that he is probably the only director of a football club not to know any of his players ... but at least he got a decent motor out of it.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/qa-steve-davis.html
In Tony's Fiver , Cascarino says Gary Megson could struggle to win the argument if he tries to lecture Nicolas Anelka about loyalty.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/tony-cascarin-2.html
In this week's Topical Barometer, Alan Carr says that Manchester City's defence caved in like a collapsed lung.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/alan-carrs-to-3.html
Moritz Volz says that Gareth Southgate is not alone in having reservations about the way the May Day for Nurses campaign was carried out.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2759072.ece

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* BELIEVE: Kop comeback proves Arsenal have bottle - Daily Mirror
* Watch us go: Wenger dreaming of the title after Fabregas strike - Daily Express
* Levy warns Ramos of limited transfer power - The Daily Telegraph
* Ab Fab: Wenger warns United - The Sun
* Look out Fergie - Wenger issues warning - Daily Mail
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

I am all for giving Ramos a chance but have we not been here before! I like Jol, the fans liked Jol, I just wished that Levy liked the fans a little bit more than he does.
Alan Downey on the decision to sack Martin Jol

The THFC board (and many fans) seem to be totally out of touch with reality and have no idea how to run a football club, but then that is no surprise as they have no real interest in football and are much more focused on honing their comedy skills, at which they are doing quite well.
At least Bill can see the funny side, kind of.

Send your opinions to sport@timesonline.co.uk

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow's news today

- The sack special: everything you need to know about losing your job
- Spurs will be made to pay for Ramos bid
- United and Liverpool sweat over injuries

And expect...

Juande Ramos to reveal that he has always been a Tottenham fan

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling but without the hassle. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

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Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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Ahead of the Game: Jolly Good Job

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday, October 26, 2007. 1600 BST
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The news in 60 seconds

JOLLY GOOD JOB
Maybe it was because he looked like the genetically-modified offspring of Shrek and Tony Soprano. Maybe it was the way he referred to Gabby Logan as "darling" or squared up to Arsene Wenger. Maybe it was those honest post-match appraisals. Who knows? But Ahead of the Game has always had an unflinching affection for Martin Jol and that's why we've dedicated this edition to the former Tottenham manager. All the reaction and analysis.

MARCA CLAIMS DEAL
After thumbing our way through a beginner's guide to Spanish, we can confirm that Juande Ramos is ready to quit Seville (at least that's what we think Marca's website says). He told Seville of his decision after Spurs offered him a €7 million, four-year deal and warned him it was now or never. Seville are having an emergency meeting.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2746395.ece

FERGUSON BEMOANS 'DRIP-DRIP'
Sir Alex Ferguson says that Jol will be relieved to have been relieved of his responsibilities. The Manchester United manager says the "drip,drip, drip" effect has made Jol's position untenable. He bemoans the lack of patience shown by the board.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2746806.ece

HUGHES STAYS PUT
Mark Hughes has ruled out leaving Blackburn Rovers to join the relegation battle at White Hart Lane. He says the rumours are an "inconvenience". Leeds United have denied that anyone has made an approach for assistant manager Gus Poyet.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/tottenham/article2744341.ece

NOW OR NEVER
Tony Cascarino says that Tottenham should tell Ramos to sign straight away or blow him out of the water. "Maybe he wants to turn up at Tottenham once Seville are knocked out [of the Champions League]. If so, Tottenham need to have a bit of self-respect and look elsewhere."
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/tottenham/article2742670.ece

WHO IS RAMOS?
For a club who has had four permanent managers in six years, a coach who has had ten clubs in 15 years. That's a combined average of 1.5 years for each appointment. Kaveh Solhekol looks at the man expected to turn things around at Spurs - and discovers that he once made his team play with only ten men.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/tottenham/article2742226.ece

A SUITABLE SEND-OFF
The Tottenham fans did what the players couldn't and ensured that Jolly was given a fitting send-off last night. As news broke out of his departure, the manager occupied his usual position in the technical area - a fitting metaphor for an isolated man - as the fans stood to applaud in a frenzied emotional outpouring. Nice stuff.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/european_football/article2742227.ece

HOT TROTTER?
Some good news for Tottenham fans: at least Gary Megson is no longer looking for a job. Bolton's new manager was met by a chorus of abuse as he watched his new club draw 1-1 with Braga last night. He said today that he "understands he is not their No 1 choice". No kidding.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/bolton/article2746425.ece

SWP FOR CITY?
Shaun Wright-Phillips could be lured back to Manchester City as Thaksin Shinawatra splashes the cash. Given that Sven-Goran Eriksson left him out of his World Cup squad and that he's shown no inclination to play Subbuteo, it seems unlikely, but you never know. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_city/article2741624.ece

EURO 2009 HERE WE COME
England's Euro 2008 campaign may be about as promising as Pete Doherty's latest trip to rehab, but don't fear: there's always 2009. That's right, England women play Belarus in their latest European Championship qualifier tomorrow.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2746783.ece

LATEST TEAM NEWS
More surprising than Jol's sacking, perma-crock Jeremie Aliadiere could actually be fit to play for Middlesbrough. Xabi Alonso is still out for Liverpool and Birmingham City's Johan Djourou faces a fitness test on his hamstring ... all the team news before tomorrow's Premier League matches.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/article2744290.ece

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame
* It's free and you can still enter
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you've got another couple of minutes

STATEMENT OF INTENT
The thought of Daniel Levy smirking smugly was as depressing as anything in The Earth Audit (see the real newspaper), which is reason enough to dig out this statement from the Spurs chairman back in September. Ahead of the Game promised to run it again should the club sack Martin Jol during the international break and even if they kept us waiting a week - we suspect just to stop us saying we told you so, which it won't - that's good enough for us.
"Normally we only have to remind fans to ignore speculation during transfers windows, and we do that in the best interests of our playing staff and our supporters. Given the level of speculation about Martin and his position at the Club [not our capital letters], we feel it is necessary to do the same thing now ...
"There has been no board meeting, let alone any emergency board meeting, and reports that we have agreed a compensation package with Martin are wholly inaccurate - we have not even discussed the subject and there is no reason to do so. We will not allow ourselves to be side-tracked or undermined by external agendas or media hype. Our focus is on winning games."
Anyways, this isn't just about saying we told you so (oops, we've done it again) but after his latest statement confirming the departure of Jol - assuming it's more accurate than the previous one - we want to know whether Levy will resign.
That may sound about as knee-jerk as Michael Owen's cruciate buckling under a tackle, but don't be fooled. As the man who has appointed many of the recent managers - and the sporting directors - the chairman is responsible for the present White Hart Shambles. And if he wasn't up to the job of appointing the previous managers (or even sacking them properly), what has changed since? They are back in the bottom half of the table, where they were when Jol picked them up.

FANNING THE FLAMES
AOTG will have its internet privileges revoked if the IT department finds out how much time it spends on Facebook. Nonetheless, we're prepared to risk missing out on a Superpoke from an old friend at the detention centre to bring you the latest news on the Jol groups - and despite earlier reports that their numbers have been falling away like Steven Gerrard in the penalty box, the fans have come flooding back. There are 163 new members of "We Love Martin Jol" as supporters come together in their time of need. Interestingly, an alternative group, "Get rid of Daniel Levy", has 112 new members.

NO HABLO ESPANOL
Eager to communicate with his cosmopolitan back four, Shay Given has been taking Spanish lessons. He grabbed the opportunity to try out a few words by giving encouragement to Newcastle United's new Brazilian defender Cacapa during the recent match against Tottenham. "I don't think he was very impressed," Given said. "I'd forgotten they speak Portuguese in Brazil." If only he had been around this morning when we were trying to translate the Marca website for news on Ramos. Anyway, maybe he should just take a leaf out of Sam Allardyce's book. The manager has no problems communicating with his defenders and dropped Steven Taylor after telling him he was "c**p". For Cacapa's benefit - and perhaps Given's - that's "merda".

MEGSON WOE
Booed by fans, besmirched by newspapers, ridiculed by his former chairman, at least Gary Megson could cling to the hope that 1.7 per cent of Bolton fans supported his appointment after a recent poll of fans. Sadly, it turns out the results were as dodgy as a Dubiah Bush ballot box in a Florida marginal. Ben from Leicester has fronted up to trying to rig the election. "One of the votes on the website of The Bolton News in favour of Megson's appointment was mine," he wrote on Times Online. "I'm a Leicester fan though. RESULT!" We suspect he was not alone.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1
Number of victories that Jol's Spurs recorded over the big four
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A quickie before you go, sir?

I LOVE MARTIN JOL
... Not a statement of undying affection by AOTG, but a song. "He looks like a mafia hitman for sure/ He'll crush you with a bearhug when we score" and "He's better than Christian Gross/George Graham don't come close" are two of the touching lyrics.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oj5Mh7raoEM

TALKING TOUGH
Robbie Keane scores for Tottenham in the North London derby as two Arsenal players lay prostrate on the floor after a collision. Hard-man Jol can be heard clearly shouting "play, play, play". Surely that alone was enough to guarantee immortality?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxIegRNNs18

THANKS, DARLING
Jolly gets all tender with Gabby Logan during his post-match interview. He calls her darling three times. Charm as well as brawn, what more could Spurs fans want?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzXXzbV-L5w

TEMPTING FATE
Martin Jol's end-of-season speech. "We were best of the rest again, but we want more. You have to give us time." Sorry, Martin. No such luck.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIzvQU-qKek

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
RED WAYNE'S BLUES GUITAR - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) Noel Gallagher has daubed a load of Man City graffiti on a guitar after Coleen bought it for Wayne Rooney's birthday. 2) There had already been reports that the Oasis frontman had signed the £2,000 tiger flame, cherry sunburst Gibson Les Paul Classic, but it turns out he did more than that. 3) Cheeky Noel got his mits on a £1.50 bottle of Tippex and scrawled the lyrics to City anthem Blue Moon all over it. 4) Hopefully the guitar will now go to a decent home as Rooney is planning to put it up for charity auction.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In TheGame

Was Jol the most exciting manager at White Hart Lane since Ossie Ardiles or the most overrated coach since Christian Gross? Join the debate .
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/jol-departure--.html
For once Sir Alex Ferguson has been too dignified to mention his injury list, so Bill Edgar does it for him. He points out that 18 Manchester United players have missed matches since the start of the season, which makes Chelsea's injury crisis seem more like a grazed knee.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/crocks-of-gold.html
Walter Gammie , our non-League specialist, reports on the Team Bath students who are hoping to pass another examination of their skill.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/students-aim-fo.html
Who are Britain's Top 50 Sporting Losers ? As you can imagine, it took some time to reduce it to half a century...
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/more_sport/article2725829.ece
In Fanzine Fanzone , our Spurs fan was already close to the edge before last night's decision, so pity his headache this morning. Our Chelsea man warns Roman Abramovich that he can't afford to lose Didier Drogba.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/
How about Roving Ronaldinho? Every team would have the right to play the buck-toothed Brazilian once during the season. Or Mourinho Monday? Every team would have to play at least one match on a Monday and Jose Mourinho pick their side for the game. It may sound far-fetched but Gabby Logan says it's not so unrealistic.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/columnists/article2741440.ece

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Jol put out of his misery - Daily Express
* Sacked Jol makes way for Ramos - The Daily Telegraph
* Jol sacked - Daily Mirror
* Jol sacked by Spurs as Ramos waits in wings - The Guardian
* It's over: Ramos and Poyet will take over as Spurs sack Jol - Daily Mail
* EXCLUSIVE: Jol axed, Ramos in - The Sun
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

Matt McGraw [yesterday's Joe Bloggs Soapbox] clearly hasn't looked at the league tables outside the Premier League in a while. His beloved Spurs' London Derby next season will be with Leyton Orient...
James Sneddon rubs salt into today's wound

Au contraire Mr McGraw, whilst you bemoan your defence, your midfield, your manager, your chairman, your rubbish signings, the NHS, the invasion of Iraq and anything else you whingeing Spurs fans can find to moan about, we at QPR are looking forward to a 'big' London derby next year, after all it's been a while since we locked horns
Steve in Bucks also wants to add to the misery

The FA could do a lot worse than giving Martin Jol the England job, once Russia have finally put us out of our McClaren misery.
Matt from Singapore has some good news for Martin

Please, please can we grab Martin Jol quickly for the Republic? I think he is for sure the best candidate out there for us Irish. We would love a fifth place finish in a major championship. And I am a Arsenal fan!
Gus Worth thinks that Jol wants to be saddled with more unreasonable expectations

May I presume that 'Arry Redknapp [yesterday's AOTG] would like Martin Jol to punt Berbatov out of White Hart Lane, and straight down to Fratton Park?
Brian Harvey from St. John's, Newfoundland

Send your opinions to sport@timesonline.co.uk

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomorrow's news today

- Ramos set to be appointed
- Wenger and Ferguson lead criticism of Jol treatment
- The reinvention of Sven-Goran Eriksson
- Megson takes charge
- Keane slams Ireland

And expect...

Chris Hughton to be appointed Ireland manager.

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling but without the hassle. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

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Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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Ahead of the Game: Megson Appointed

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, October 25, 2007. 1600 BST
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The news in 60 seconds

MEGSON APPOINTED
Gary Megson will get his first taste of the traumas to come when Bolton Wanderers play Braga in the Uefa Cup this evening. Megson, who has signed a two-and-a-half year contract, will watch from the stands while Archie Knox takes charge of the team for the last time.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/bolton/article2738239.ece

EARLY EXIT POLL
Is Megson the Gordon Brown of football? Not only does he have a reputation for ruling with a clunking fist, like the Prime Minister, but it turns out he lacks a democratic mandate to do his new job after only 1.7 per cent of fans surveyed by a local paper supported his appointment.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/bolton/article2733631.ece

CHELSEA FINED £30,000
Roman Abramovich will be rummaging around for some loose change in the sock draw of his 525ft, £150 million luxury yacht after Chelsea were fined £30,000 for failing to control their players against Manchester United. Steve Clarke got a £5,000 suspended fine for his potty mouth.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2739509.ece

'BERBATOV MUST GO'
Yes, you read that right. 'Arry Redknapp says that Martin Jol shouldn't stand for Dimitar Berbatov's quivering bottom lip and should boot the sulking Bulgarian out of White Hart Lane as soon as possible. He says the stroppy striker is bad for morale. Spurs play Getafe in a few hours' time so expect a prompt riposte.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2738723.ece

IN RAFA, HICKS TRUSTS
A close shave for The Bearded One. The Liverpool cup specialist has been given a vote of confidence by Tom Hicks, the club's co-owner, despite last night's Champions League calamity. He says the directors have complete faith in his tinkering (although he doesn't claim to understand it).
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/liverpool/article2738692.ece

KAISER WARNS LEHMANN
Franz Beckenbauer has told Calamity Jens not to mess with his "dear manager". The Germany legend says that if Lehmann keeps sounding off, Arsene Wenger will drop him quicker than he can spill a gentle shot by David Dunn.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/arsenal/article2739193.ece

KROENKE COMMITMENT
Probably a more important Arsenal story, but nowhere near as much fun. Stan Kroenke, the American businessman who owns 12.2 per cent of the club's shares, has pledged his long-term commitment to the club. He will join the directors in their present "lock-down" agreement.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/arsenal/article2738921.ece

THAKSIN TO SPEND AGAIN
Thaksin Shinawatra will invest more money from those dodgy land deals - it's a joke, don't sue us - as he tries to build on Manchester City's impressive start to the season. You probably wouldn't trust him with your wife, but the Thai says he has faith in Sven-Goran Eriksson.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_city/article2738907.ece

FOOTBALL MANAGER II
A club in Israel have got rid of their manager and replaced him with 8,000 online supporters. Could the same thing happen in England? Would Frank Lampard ever play for the national team again? And what sort of a job would AN Other do for Bolton?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2733559.ece

LIVE MATCH TRACKER
Keep up to date with all tonight's European action with our live match tracker, including teams and goal updates.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/live_match_tracker/

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame, you can rotate to your heart's content
* It's free and you can still enter
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you've got another couple of minutes

UNCLE TONY
... or should that be Auntie Cascarino? Anyway, Dear Deidre, Bel Mooney and that woman off This Morning, have met their match. If you've fallen in love with your stepfather or you're worried the milkman's delivering more than just the milk, then this one's probably not for you. But if you can't hit a cow's backside with a banjo or can't keep it up for more than three seconds - the ball, that is - Tony Cascarino's your man.
He's been there and done it and he's declared himself fit to answer your questions as TheGame's first ever Agony Uncle. He'll tell you how to impress your manager with a minimum of effort, how to cheat at circuit training and what curry you can get away with the night before a big match.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/tony-cascarino-.html#more

RAZORS OUT FOR BENITEZ
It turns out that Rafa Benitez is not content with messing up AOTG's fantasy football team, he also wants to ruin his own Liverpool side. Still, it's not that we bear a grudge: it's more a case of consistency. After reporting yesterday on how Spurs fans were fleeing Martin Jol groups on Facebook, it's only fair to report on the reaction of The Bearded One's devoted following on the same website - and they too appear to be losing faith. Not only is the "Rafael Benitez Appreciation Society" losing members - admittedly about as quickly as Sami Hyypia can complete a 360 degree turn, but it's early days - but so too is the "Benitez Beard Appreciation Society". With questions over his selection, qualms about his multimillion-pound signings and concerns about his facial hair, the Rafalution is in danger of turning into a coup d'etat.

MANDARIC SEEKS LOYALTY BONUS
Milan Mandaric should give Simon Jordan a call - and not just to compare notches on their managerial bedposts. After Gary Megson stormed out of Leicester City like Sharon Osbourne in a huff, the Foxes chairman said: "I am looking for another Harry Redknapp to stay with me and get the job done. I want a stable guy with some loyalty, who signs a contract and doesn't leave in six weeks."
Which sounds reasonable, until you realise that Mandaric is trying to prise Iain Dowie away from his job at Coventry City. That's the same "stable guy with some loyalty" who Jordan successfully sued for lying to him about his reasons for leaving Crystal Palace.

MAGNIFICENT ELEVEN
Arsenal fans probably don't need reminding how lucky they are after Tuesday's adventures against Slavia Prague, but in case they were taking things for granted, the last Arsenal team to win 7-0 in Europe (beating Standard Liege in the Uefa Cup back in 1993), featured the following players: David Seaman, Lee Dixon, Nigel Winterburn, Paul Davis, Martin Keown (Steve Bould), Tony Adams, John Jensen, Kevin Campbell, Alan Smith (Eddie McGoldrick), Paul Merson and Ian Selley.
Questions of national pride aside, who would you rather watch? McGoldrick or Hleb? Fabregas or Jensen?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
26
Premier League points won by West Bromich Albion under Gary Megson in 2003. Good luck, Bolton.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A quickie before you go, sir?

KISS CHASE
It's a good goal, Didier, but we're not sure about that gesture. Are you kissing goodbye to the Chelsea fans or thanking them for not booing you?
http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/drogba+schalke/video/x3alar_chelsea-schalke-20-drogba_sport

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
Red card for dole fraud ref - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) A fraudulent referee - and that's not a euphemism for the honestly bad Mark Clattenburg - is facing jail for claiming £61,000 in benefits while covering matches. 2) Someone blew the whistle on whistleblower Ronnie Newby after the official was paid incapacity benefit and income support while picking up £350 a month at PowerLeague matches. 3) Newby was shopped anonymously but we know David Moyes is a man with a grudge against the refereeing fraternity.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In TheGame

In Fanzine Fanzone, our Chelsea fan says there is a new Special One at Stamford Bridge. No, not Avram Grant. Didier Drogba could be the most frightening striker in the world and he's the reason Roman Abramovich will have had something to celebrate on his birthday. That and a few billion quid. Elsewhere, Nutty and Slack may sound like a comedy duo but it's actually a description of Tottenham 's defending. Our Spurs fan is on the edge.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/
Tom Dart explains why using Lilian Thuram to promote good driving is like using Britney Spears to promote sensible parenting.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/thuram-hits-the.html
Audley Harrison, Tim Henman and David Beckham. Just three of Britain's Top 50 Sporting Losers .
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/more_sport/article2725829.ece
Tony Cascarino takes no prisoners. The former Ireland forward and Times columnist has been getting stuck into your comments after he proposed 'Arry Redknapp as the next England manager. Join the debate .
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/the-debate-tony.html
Gabriele Marcotti and Guillem Balague lead an action-packed edition of TheGame Podcast . They discuss whether Steven Gerrard is The Anfield Untouchable and call in a shrink to unwrap England's mental failings...
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/cascarino-v-bal.html#more

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>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Turks 2, Berks 1 - Daily Mirror
* SWP fury at Euro snub - The Sun
* Drogba flies in to rescue - Daily Express
* Turkey stew: Rafa's Red on brink - Daily Mail
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Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

Regarding nicknames for Michael Owen, an obvious one is "The Thieving Magpie" after the Rossini opera.
Nick Einhorn wins the prize-free but morale-lifting award for Most (or Only?) Cultured Reader of AOTG. Other good suggestions include Toon Tarantula and the Geordie Grass.

Watching my beloved Spurs these days is akin to a pyramid scheme gone terribly wrong. When the model functions as it's designed, the players run around doing all the work, winning lots of games & trophies, making the manager look like a genius. The board in turn declare themselves capitalist demigods for hiring said manager to the shareholders and Glory, Glory Hallelujah... What we have here is a weak-kneed chairman, who panicked too early and blew every shred of Jol's confidence away - like a bad guy in a Scorsese movie. If anyone should be accountable it's Levy. Unfortunately, it's too late for Jol. As for the pyramid, we may have shown a profit this time around based on last year's performance, but I doubt it will be the same next year when our London Derby is against the mighty QPR...
We're not sure what Matt McGraw 's comment has to do with pyramids, but any excuse for a solid dig at Levy is good enough for us.

Send us your comments to sport@timesonline.co.uk

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Tomorrow's news today

- In a spin with rotation: a complete guide to Rafa's revolutions
- Lampard says Chelsea can't afford to lose Drogba
- Van der Sar puts end to retirement talk

And expect...

'Arry to make a cheeky bid for Dimitar Berbatov. Just to help Martin Jol out of a tricky spot, you understand.

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling but without the hassle. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

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Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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Ahead of the Game: Benitez Clatters Gerrard

AHEAD OF THE GAME

Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail

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Wednesday, October 24, 2007. 1600 BST
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The news in 60 seconds

BENITEZ CLATTERS GERRARD
Steven Gerrard may get away with refereeing matches, but Rafa Benitez won't let him pick the team against Besiktas tonight. The Liverpool manager has warned his midfield maestro that he'll whip him off quicker than Mark Clattenburg can change yellow to red if it'll help the team.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/liverpool/article2726839.ece

DELICATE DROGBA
Petr Cech, the Chelsea goalkeeper, says Didier Drogba's tantrum will be forgotten if the forlorn forward helps them beat Schalke O4 in a few hours' time. It's his first home game since those quotes, so expect lots of tears and badge-kissing in the most touching reconciliation since the last time he said he was leaving.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/european_football/article2726813.ece

WALCOTT FOR ENGLAND!
Theo Walcott "is intelligent, has fantastic pace and his technique is improving". In fact, the Arsenal forward is so good that Arsene Wenger says he should play for England. In fact, he's so good that we bet he'll end up on the bench against Liverpool on Sunday.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/european_football/article2727301.ece

SCOTS CLOSE ON ENGLAND
Bad news for Ahead of the Game, good news for Mrs Ahead of the Game: Scotland are just two places behind England in the latest Fifa rankings. Alex McLeish's team are 13th, the highest position in the country's history. If Jens Lehmann really wants to know what it's like to be "humiliated" he should come round for dinner. Unfortunately it's bloody haggis for tea.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/euro_2008/article2730703.ece

MESSI BLASTS 'ANTI-FOOTBALL'
Lionel Messi has criticised Rangers for playing "anti-football" in last night's 0-0 draw. The Barcelona forward has suggested that the Gers make up for it at the Nou Camp in two weeks' time by forming a guard of honour and applauding as the home team do keepie-uppies among themselves before passing the ball into an empty net.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/european_football/article2731744.ece

CLOCK TICKING FOR COVENTRY
Coventry City say it's Christmas or bust as they court potential investors. The club are £38 million in debt and Joe Elliott, the chairman, says they face financial ruin before winter is out if an investor doesn't step forward.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/football_league/article2731509.ece

GREEN LIGHT FOR JEWELL
Paul Jewell is free to join Bolton Wanderers, according to Wigan Athletic chairman Dave Whelan. It was thought that Jewell was on "gardening leave" for at least six months after his departure from the JJB Stadium, but Whelan thinks it would be funnier to put him through another relegation battle.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/bolton/article2730618.ece

LAND OF THE BLARNEY
David O'Leary is in the frame for the Ireland job after the FAI decided that Stan was no longer the man. However, the Ireland officials have longer memories than the goldfish in Peter Ridsdale's old Leeds United office and are worried about his chequered past. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/euro_2008/article2726822.ece

LIVE MATCH TRACKER
Be the first to find out when Steven Gerrard is substituted and keep up to date with all tonight's European and Football League action with our live match tracker, including teams and goal updates.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/live_match_tracker/

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>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame, more entertaining than Arsenal if you're a Slavia Prague defender
* It's free and you can still enter
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
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If you've got another couple of minutes

OWEN'S CRIMINAL PAST
It's the biggest shock since J.K. Rowling outed Dumbledore. Michael Owen has revealed that football saved him from a life of crime. The squeaky-clean star thinks that he could have ended up picking pockets rather than defences if it hadn't been for the beautiful game.
OK, it's about as convincing as when Guy Ritchie claimed he was a gangster (for Micky's sake, his rap sheet consists of 11 yellow cards in as many seasons and a few too many hands of poker with the England boys), but that hasn't stopped the Daily Star mocking him up in a hoodie to show what the baby-faced assassin could have looked like.
But James "Whitey" Bulger he is not. "I would always be in the park kicking a ball about when I was a kid," Owen said. "If I was playing football then it would stop me doing something else. Who knows what that something else might have been?" A jockey? An accountant?
Perhaps the only ones who will agree with the forward are the Newcastle fans. They probably feel they've already been robbed after spending £16 million on the Northern Crock (it could so easily have been Crook). Anyway, Ahead of the Game has been trying to work out a decent moniker for the would-be tea-leaf and the best we could come up with under pressure were "The Magpie Mafioso" and "The Toon Raider". Or what about the St James' Nark?
Send your suggestions to: sport@timesonline.co.uk

JOL LOSING FACE (AGAIN)
It seems Dimitar Berbatov is not the only one losing patience with Martin Jol. The stroppy striker's quivering bottom lip was nearly as bloated as Britney Spears' collagen-enhanced chops after his run-in with the Tottenham manager on Monday. Now the fans are ready to throw down their rattles, spit their dummies and stamp their feet in frustration too. The top six groups supporting "Jolly" on Facebook - that modern barometer of fan favour and the first port of call for Ahead of the Game in a managerial crisis - are shedding members faster than Michael Dawson can lose his man at a set-piece. James Huddleston seems to capture the mood on "Don't sack Martin Jol". "Fed up of defending Martin Jol: what a pile of s***e! Time to jog on you mug! Gutted i was a believer but had enuf now." A relation to Tom, but less literate? Anyway, he is one of 63 members to have quit the group. "Sack Martin Jol" has nine more members - and Daniel Levy has still not signed up.

WHAT A WAG
Teenage girls should look up to WAGs because they are intellectuals. That's not what AOTG thinks, it's not even what Posh thinks: it's the verdict of a bona fide, honest-as-the-day-is-long, dyed-in-the-wool, official Government body. The Learning and Skills Council says that at least nine high-profile footballers' wives and girlfriends - but not Mrs Beckham - gained the equivalent of five GCSEs (that's apparently good). "Many young people today believe that fame and fortune is possible without hard work," Julia Dowd of the LSC said. "But whatever your chosen career, gaining the minimum set of qualifications is an important first step." Or you can get a boob job, pop down to China White and grab yourself a footballer.

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9-4
Odds on Jurgen Klinsmann becoming next Tottenham manager (Paddy Power)
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A quickie before you go, sir?

THE WONDER OF WALCOTT
If Arsene Wenger can get carried away by a couple of goals against low-grade opposition, then so can we. We've compiled a selection of the best bits in Theo Walcott's short career. Like Thierry Henry, he's got blistering pace, a decent touch and an eye for goal. Unlike Titi, he even scores a header. Told you we were getting carried away...
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/european_football/article2730273.ece

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>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
BECKS LOVES MY CHRISTMAS CRACKERS - Daily Star
What you need to know: 1) Victoria Beckham has told Chris Moyles that David Beckham likes to play with her front pair - but refused to say if they were fake. 2) The Radio One DJ quizzed Posh about her substitute strikers live on air yesterday, but she would only reveal that David is more than happy with her present look. 3) It's no wonder she's keeping schtum. After that retreat from Moscow, artificial surfaces are about as popular as Sporty Spice.
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In TheGame

Tony Cascarino takes no prisoners. The former Ireland forward and Times columnist has been getting stuck into your comments after he proposed 'Arry Redknapp as the next England manager. The campaign for 'Arry starts here.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/the-debate-tony.html
Ever wondered what Middlesbrough and England have in common? And no, it's not a soon-to-be-unemployed manager. They're both losers. Find out how we rate Britain's Top 50 Sporting Losers .
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/more_sport/article2725829.ece
Walter Smith was too busy to speak to TheGame Podcast - the Rangers manager had some Catalans coming round for tea, or something - but Gabriele Marcotti and Guillem Balague don't let that get in the way of the business at hand. They lead an action-packed edition of the best football podcast on the market. Steven Gerrard is The Anfield Untouchable - discuss...
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/cascarino-v-bal.html#more
In Fanzine Fanzone , our Newcastle fan explains - or should it be gloats? - that a few Nurofen should cure his hangover while it will take more than that to cure Spurs' headaches. But our Tottenham man is refusing to ring in sick. He may have a queasy feeling in his stomach but he explains why it's the board's fault and not the manager's.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/

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>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Magnificent Seven - Daily Express
* Boy Wonder: Theo stars for Arsenal - Daily Mail
* Wonderful Walcott comes of age - The Daily Telegraph
* Two great wins! - Daily Mirror
* Electric Walcott puts Arsenal in seventh heaven - The Guardian
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Joe Bloggs' Soapbox

Lehmann is a complete waste of talent, and he has no respect for his "dear manager" who, by the way, is undefeated, and would have a perfect record if it wasn't for Jens's slip-ups.
Kyle Ritter from the United States attempts to humiliate Lehmann, although it looks like the goalkeeper can do that on his own .

Why the hell is ITV showing United and Arsenal on ITV1 and ITV4 when THE game of the night is surely Rangers v Barcelona?
Asked Ryan Scott before last night's Champions League matches. It just goes to show that prescience is a difficult skill to master...

Sometimes you just say it better than we do, which is why we've dedicated a small corner of this e-mail to your views and boos. Feel free to send us your opinions to sport@timesonline.co.uk

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Tomorrow's news today

- Almunia gloves up for fight with Calamity Jens
- O'Shea says Manchester United are very scary
- And while we can't tell you what will happen tonight, we can promise reports and reaction from tonight's Champions League matches

And expect...

AOTG to slip the haggis to the dog and drown its sorrows in cheap Scotch.

Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling but without the hassle. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you no longer wish to receive this e-mail, please click here to unsubscribe (you must be logged in to do so). If you wish to contact our Customer Services team, please send an e-mail to info@newsint.co.uk, or if you wish to speak to a Customer Services representative,  please call 0207 860 1133.

News International Limited, 1 Virginia Street, London E98 1XY, is the holding company for the News International Group and is registered in England No 81701.

Times Newspapers Ltd is a member of the Direct Marketing Association and registered under the Data Protection Act 1998. To see our privacy policy, click here.