AHEAD OF THE GAME
Alpha mail. The only truly useful football e-mail
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Thursday, October 25, 2007. 1600 BST
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The news in 60 seconds
MEGSON APPOINTED
Gary Megson will get his first taste of the traumas to come when Bolton Wanderers play Braga in the Uefa Cup this evening. Megson, who has signed a two-and-a-half year contract, will watch from the stands while Archie Knox takes charge of the team for the last time.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/bolton/article2738239.ece
EARLY EXIT POLL
Is Megson the Gordon Brown of football? Not only does he have a reputation for ruling with a clunking fist, like the Prime Minister, but it turns out he lacks a democratic mandate to do his new job after only 1.7 per cent of fans surveyed by a local paper supported his appointment.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/bolton/article2733631.ece
CHELSEA FINED £30,000
Roman Abramovich will be rummaging around for some loose change in the sock draw of his 525ft, £150 million luxury yacht after Chelsea were fined £30,000 for failing to control their players against Manchester United. Steve Clarke got a £5,000 suspended fine for his potty mouth.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/chelsea/article2739509.ece
'BERBATOV MUST GO'
Yes, you read that right. 'Arry Redknapp says that Martin Jol shouldn't stand for Dimitar Berbatov's quivering bottom lip and should boot the sulking Bulgarian out of White Hart Lane as soon as possible. He says the stroppy striker is bad for morale. Spurs play Getafe in a few hours' time so expect a prompt riposte.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2738723.ece
IN RAFA, HICKS TRUSTS
A close shave for The Bearded One. The Liverpool cup specialist has been given a vote of confidence by Tom Hicks, the club's co-owner, despite last night's Champions League calamity. He says the directors have complete faith in his tinkering (although he doesn't claim to understand it).
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/liverpool/article2738692.ece
KAISER WARNS LEHMANN
Franz Beckenbauer has told Calamity Jens not to mess with his "dear manager". The Germany legend says that if Lehmann keeps sounding off, Arsene Wenger will drop him quicker than he can spill a gentle shot by David Dunn.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/arsenal/article2739193.ece
KROENKE COMMITMENT
Probably a more important Arsenal story, but nowhere near as much fun. Stan Kroenke, the American businessman who owns 12.2 per cent of the club's shares, has pledged his long-term commitment to the club. He will join the directors in their present "lock-down" agreement.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/arsenal/article2738921.ece
THAKSIN TO SPEND AGAIN
Thaksin Shinawatra will invest more money from those dodgy land deals - it's a joke, don't sue us - as he tries to build on Manchester City's impressive start to the season. You probably wouldn't trust him with your wife, but the Thai says he has faith in Sven-Goran Eriksson.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/premier_league/manchester_city/article2738907.ece
FOOTBALL MANAGER II
A club in Israel have got rid of their manager and replaced him with 8,000 online supporters. Could the same thing happen in England? Would Frank Lampard ever play for the national team again? And what sort of a job would AN Other do for Bolton?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2733559.ece
LIVE MATCH TRACKER
Keep up to date with all tonight's European action with our live match tracker, including teams and goal updates.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/live_match_tracker/
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>>>>>FANTASY FOOTBALL WITH BRAINS<<<<<
* Register today for PlayTheGame, you can rotate to your heart's content
* It's free and you can still enter
* Win monthly prizes and tickets to the Euro 2008 final
* http://www.timesonline.co.uk/playthegame
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If you've got another couple of minutes
UNCLE TONY
... or should that be Auntie Cascarino? Anyway, Dear Deidre, Bel Mooney and that woman off This Morning, have met their match. If you've fallen in love with your stepfather or you're worried the milkman's delivering more than just the milk, then this one's probably not for you. But if you can't hit a cow's backside with a banjo or can't keep it up for more than three seconds - the ball, that is - Tony Cascarino's your man.
He's been there and done it and he's declared himself fit to answer your questions as TheGame's first ever Agony Uncle. He'll tell you how to impress your manager with a minimum of effort, how to cheat at circuit training and what curry you can get away with the night before a big match.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/tony-cascarino-.html#more
RAZORS OUT FOR BENITEZ
It turns out that Rafa Benitez is not content with messing up AOTG's fantasy football team, he also wants to ruin his own Liverpool side. Still, it's not that we bear a grudge: it's more a case of consistency. After reporting yesterday on how Spurs fans were fleeing Martin Jol groups on Facebook, it's only fair to report on the reaction of The Bearded One's devoted following on the same website - and they too appear to be losing faith. Not only is the "Rafael Benitez Appreciation Society" losing members - admittedly about as quickly as Sami Hyypia can complete a 360 degree turn, but it's early days - but so too is the "Benitez Beard Appreciation Society". With questions over his selection, qualms about his multimillion-pound signings and concerns about his facial hair, the Rafalution is in danger of turning into a coup d'etat.
MANDARIC SEEKS LOYALTY BONUS
Milan Mandaric should give Simon Jordan a call - and not just to compare notches on their managerial bedposts. After Gary Megson stormed out of Leicester City like Sharon Osbourne in a huff, the Foxes chairman said: "I am looking for another Harry Redknapp to stay with me and get the job done. I want a stable guy with some loyalty, who signs a contract and doesn't leave in six weeks."
Which sounds reasonable, until you realise that Mandaric is trying to prise Iain Dowie away from his job at Coventry City. That's the same "stable guy with some loyalty" who Jordan successfully sued for lying to him about his reasons for leaving Crystal Palace.
MAGNIFICENT ELEVEN
Arsenal fans probably don't need reminding how lucky they are after Tuesday's adventures against Slavia Prague, but in case they were taking things for granted, the last Arsenal team to win 7-0 in Europe (beating Standard Liege in the Uefa Cup back in 1993), featured the following players: David Seaman, Lee Dixon, Nigel Winterburn, Paul Davis, Martin Keown (Steve Bould), Tony Adams, John Jensen, Kevin Campbell, Alan Smith (Eddie McGoldrick), Paul Merson and Ian Selley.
Questions of national pride aside, who would you rather watch? McGoldrick or Hleb? Fabregas or Jensen?
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26
Premier League points won by West Bromich Albion under Gary Megson in 2003. Good luck, Bolton.
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A quickie before you go, sir?
KISS CHASE
It's a good goal, Didier, but we're not sure about that gesture. Are you kissing goodbye to the Chelsea fans or thanking them for not booing you?
http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/drogba+schalke/video/x3alar_chelsea-schalke-20-drogba_sport
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>>>>>THE TABLOID SCANDAL<<<<<
Red card for dole fraud ref - The Sun
What you need to know: 1) A fraudulent referee - and that's not a euphemism for the honestly bad Mark Clattenburg - is facing jail for claiming £61,000 in benefits while covering matches. 2) Someone blew the whistle on whistleblower Ronnie Newby after the official was paid incapacity benefit and income support while picking up £350 a month at PowerLeague matches. 3) Newby was shopped anonymously but we know David Moyes is a man with a grudge against the refereeing fraternity.
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In TheGame
In Fanzine Fanzone, our Chelsea fan says there is a new Special One at Stamford Bridge. No, not Avram Grant. Didier Drogba could be the most frightening striker in the world and he's the reason Roman Abramovich will have had something to celebrate on his birthday. That and a few billion quid. Elsewhere, Nutty and Slack may sound like a comedy duo but it's actually a description of Tottenham 's defending. Our Spurs fan is on the edge.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/
Tom Dart explains why using Lilian Thuram to promote good driving is like using Britney Spears to promote sensible parenting.
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/thuram-hits-the.html
Audley Harrison, Tim Henman and David Beckham. Just three of Britain's Top 50 Sporting Losers .
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/more_sport/article2725829.ece
Tony Cascarino takes no prisoners. The former Ireland forward and Times columnist has been getting stuck into your comments after he proposed 'Arry Redknapp as the next England manager. Join the debate .
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/the-debate-tony.html
Gabriele Marcotti and Guillem Balague lead an action-packed edition of TheGame Podcast . They discuss whether Steven Gerrard is The Anfield Untouchable and call in a shrink to unwrap England's mental failings...
http://timesonline.typepad.com/thegame/2007/10/cascarino-v-bal.html#more
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>>>>>THE RIVALS<<<<<
* Turks 2, Berks 1 - Daily Mirror
* SWP fury at Euro snub - The Sun
* Drogba flies in to rescue - Daily Express
* Turkey stew: Rafa's Red on brink - Daily Mail
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Joe Bloggs' Soapbox
Regarding nicknames for Michael Owen, an obvious one is "The Thieving Magpie" after the Rossini opera.
Nick Einhorn wins the prize-free but morale-lifting award for Most (or Only?) Cultured Reader of AOTG. Other good suggestions include Toon Tarantula and the Geordie Grass.
Watching my beloved Spurs these days is akin to a pyramid scheme gone terribly wrong. When the model functions as it's designed, the players run around doing all the work, winning lots of games & trophies, making the manager look like a genius. The board in turn declare themselves capitalist demigods for hiring said manager to the shareholders and Glory, Glory Hallelujah... What we have here is a weak-kneed chairman, who panicked too early and blew every shred of Jol's confidence away - like a bad guy in a Scorsese movie. If anyone should be accountable it's Levy. Unfortunately, it's too late for Jol. As for the pyramid, we may have shown a profit this time around based on last year's performance, but I doubt it will be the same next year when our London Derby is against the mighty QPR...
We're not sure what Matt McGraw 's comment has to do with pyramids, but any excuse for a solid dig at Levy is good enough for us.
Send us your comments to sport@timesonline.co.uk
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Tomorrow's news today
- In a spin with rotation: a complete guide to Rafa's revolutions
- Lampard says Chelsea can't afford to lose Drogba
- Van der Sar puts end to retirement talk
And expect...
'Arry to make a cheeky bid for Dimitar Berbatov. Just to help Martin Jol out of a tricky spot, you understand.
Spread the word. It's like pyramid selling but without the hassle. Click on the following link if you (or your friends) want to subscribe to this newsletter:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/football/article2187217.ece
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Anonymous tips, suggestions, funnies, fan mail and complaints: sport@timesonline.co.uk
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